Mortuary (vhs)

There were many times when my wife and I had went to the Gordyville flea market while living in Champaign, and of course, I would always be looking for horror movies (on any format) and video games. There was only one time when a heavier set woman had a table full of VHS tapes for a dollar or less, and Mortuary was one of those tapes I bought that day. I had no clue what the movie was- all I saw was some pretty cool looking box art and Bill Paxton on the front, so I had to buy it. When I got it home, I actually watched it probably 4 or 5 times in a row because I loved the movie that much and because the tape was kind of worn a little bit. It still is. But that's a testament to how awesome Mortuary is- it's quirky, it has Bill Paxton hopping and skipping through a cemetery because he's weird and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'll spend some time with any movie that has him in it. He's just so entertaining. "Game over man, game over!" Ooopps. Wrong film.

That's a monstrosity of a house.

Slowest baseball bat beating ever.

These two chodes are going to ruin everything.

"These tires are as bald as Kojak's head."  

Perfect place for a cult ritual.

King Diamond? Don't you have more important things to do besides killing people, like, I don't know, making a new album?

Some people just shouldn't be on a pair of roller skates.

Bill Paxton, ladies and gentlemen.

Shits getting real catty in here.

 A light, breezy frolic through the cemetery. It's normal.

Embalming as a career. Could be interesting.

So, you're not the least bit freaked out that the lights and stereo system keep turning on and off by themselves. Ooookkk.

Sex on the floor. In front of the fireplace. I approve of this message.

 My VHS copy of this movie is pretty beat up, even with the tracking on my vcr setup as best as it can, it still jumps all over the place. The audio is perfect though, so figure that one out. I'll have to get this on dvd at some point, but for a nostalgia piece, the VHS is what I'm going to keep watching. The smell of Champaign lives in that tape. And I'll never get rid of it. Off to embalming class now. I've got a lot to learn.