Three on a Meathook

The very first thing you will notice about Three on a Meathook is the amazing cover art. And yes, this is an early 70's grindhouse flick that I think has been kind of forgotten about to the waves of time. I have been wanting to check this film off of my review pile, and I recently found out it is on Amazon Instant at the moment, so I jumped on it. I was actually taken back by the fact that this was released before Tobe Hooper's essential classic Texas Chainsaw Massacre by 2 years, and there is plenty of gore, some rad deaths and even a decapitation scene. Even though about 75% of the rest of this schlock fest is just Billy and whatever women he interacts with talking, walking and being dramatic. His father is one helluva weirdo, and I kind of figured it out pretty quickly what his real character is all about, and that was a pretty big let down. I was really hoping for some sort of a solid twist involving Billy and his dad, but the atmosphere and tone during the murder scenes just make it to easy. Plus, there is actually a twist, but it's kind of flat and it just shows up to late for it to really have any impact on anything from earlier in the film. There was so much potential here to be a horror classic, but it just falls a little to short because of it's glaring flaws. And yes, there are three chicks on meat hooks.

Does the film have to open with some ogre looking bastard on top of a smoking hot blonde?

Man, I should have went to college.

I'm ok with driving the boat for five seconds and then going skinny dipping.

Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream-the lake is full of hot nude girls for everyone to see.

I love a girl who can eat.

You would think this old fart would be excited that four young free swingin' hotties are in his kitchen. Apparently not.

Wow-I don't know if I've ever seen someone go off the deep end so quickly.

Such solemn music for such grizzly discoveries of murder.

Billy didn't do it-you did motherfucker.

I don't know who this band is, but they suck. And they have way to much screen time. To much.  

That's another thing I need to mention about Three on a Meathook. The music. It's awful. Downright awful. There's a scene where Billy goes to a bar after "he murders all the girls in the house" to try to forget about it, and there's some band playing there. I swear they play about half a full set, and the camera switches between different angles of the band performing and Billy getting a drink from the waitress. It's monotonous, grating and unnecessary all at once and really ruined the pace of the first fifteen minutes or so of the film. I hated this long winded scene with a passion because I felt like I just watched a group of hot, young chicks getting brutally murdered in someone's house-piggy backed by one of the worst 70's bar bands I've ever heard. Zits and zombies, if you are a connoisseur of 70's grindhouse movies, you'll probably dig this just because the kills, gore and tone were ahead of it's time. Unfortunately, the rest of this offering is a damn mess for all the wrong reasons. Doesn't quite sit in horror purgatory, but isn't a classic either. Watch for the boobs. There's a good one right there.