Late Checkout

 

Late Checkout starts off running with a couple that consists of a very tattooed-up chick that looks like Kat Von D, and a very tattooed up dude that kind-of, sort-of looks likes Corey Taylor. They are in bed together having a good time. They rented this cabin in the middle of nowhere, North Carolina to celebrate what I'm assuming is an anniversary of some sort. But then, no-it's the tattooed girl's birthday because when tattooed Corey Slipknot Taylor is taking a shower, there's a bottle of bubbly and a card that says "happy birthday Kat" on it next to where Stone Sour Corey is getting cleaned up. Then they both end up being brutalized by an anonymous killer in jeans, a leather jacket, leather gloves and a welding helmet. There's even a red line painted under the glass viewer on the helmet letting us know if the 'welding killer' is happy or sad in the moment of murdering random people who end up renting this particular place to getaway. How thoughtful of the writers and director of Late Checkout. I would love to sit here and spout about how I did in fact enjoy Late Checkout-and in the grandiose layers of me I did-to an extent-but that sentiment didn't make it all the way. I'm kind of writing this review in reverse here by saying early that the whole reason for our main group of friends that get annihilated through the entirety of this picture have this done to them for no other reason than "it's fucking fun" is sort of callous, empty, shallow and selfish on the part of the family that is engaging in this activity. I'm not going to wholly expose who is behind all of this if you haven't sat through Late Checkout, but if you're deep into horror at all or are a big fan of slashers in general, you're going to recognize immediately who this actor is because they starred in a slasher from the 80's that's insanely iconic at this point if you're even remotely well-versed in you're slasher catalogue. But me enjoying this flick solely sat on the fact that I've seen so many of these types of films by now that I didn't even have to guess at what was happening or what was going to happen because this stuff is so milquetoast at this juncture that you'd have to turn your toaster oven on a higher setting to squeeze more heat and more flavor out of whatever meal you're prepared to consume. That doesn't mean that Late Checkout sucked. It didn't. It was solid. I had fun with it. But this isn't earth shattering or life changing cinema here-it's fun, gory, whack'em and stack'em fare that any slasher or 80's horror fan is going to adore, and that's where it's appeal lies. Also, I don't even know why, but for some bizzaro reason, I thought Drew Marvick was involved with this flick somehow. But he isn't. I thought he was the director or the writer or even the killer himself. But he wasn't. If you don't know who Drew Marvick is, he's the indie horror film director that made his debut with Pool Party Massacre which happens to be a favorite of mine in the indie realm of splatter flicks. If you've never seen that one, check that shit out. As for me having a late checkout with Late Checkout, I'm just going to leave you with the kernel that if you really dig 80's horror or slashers specifically, then this is a grave to rob. If you lean heavier towards other sub-genres of terror tides, then this flick may bore you. I have an aunt and uncle that live in North Carolina. I hope they've never met this family.