Scared Shitless

 

Back in 2024 before Scared Shitless was even released, my younger brother Mike had shown me the trailer for this flick and said "this looks like something you need to write a review for". And he was absolutely correct. This film fits right in with what my normal panoramic view of low budget movie good-times should encompass because it's all here. It's funny, it has plenty of gore, fantastic practical effects (with some slight CGI in spots that I didn't really think ruined anything) spot on music and characters that just felt so right in the setting and context of Scared Shitless. I won't lie, I really thought this was going to be a Monsturd type of deal where it was going to eventually evolve into a giant pile of literal shit that wants to kill and eat people-but no, that's not what this is about. It doesn't have anything to do with human fecal matter. It does however involve some weirdo that lives in an apartment in the Palmer Estates building where he conducted an experiment called "project x" (yeah, so original) that basically ended up producing some Slither/Slug looking creature that loves living it up in pipe systems and toilets because it always needs to be wet constantly, and what better way than to pop up and clog up some people's dunnys. I'm not Australian, but there it is. The way Scared Shitless opens is pretty great too because we have an older gentleman cooking an American dinner if I ever saw one which consists of long green beans, mashed potatoes and something I'm not a fan of really-meatloaf. Yeah, the legendary singer Meatloaf kicked ass when he was alive, but the food item itself is questionable at best. But Don's son Sonny is just being a lazy bastard on the couch watching a great film in and of itself-namely Manborg-if you've never seen that one, go check it out. But Sonny also has an NES and a PS1 hooked up to the main t.v. in the living room and to that I say he's got to be a proud retro gamer. Those are classic consoles. Also, the director may have thrown them in there just to populate the background and had hoped no one noticed what they were, but I did. Right away. I'm to much of a gamer to not notice things like that. But when the food is ready, Don calls Sonny over to start eating and then the exposition starts by them going through this whole thing about his mom/Don's wife passing away and now Sonny has a germaphobe problem and he's constantly drinking Bismuth all the time to settle his stomach. The Bismuth thing is integral way later in the film-but tonight is the night where Sonny is going on his first plumbing call with his dad, and it's where else-at the Palmer Estates building. Mrs. Applebaum's toilet is acting up, and she needs it taken care of. They fix it, they meet her dog Daisy and then slowly every toilet in the place starts having issues and then they eventually end up in the guys' apartment that did the experiment in the first place. They go back to Mrs. Applebaum's place where they started, and they end up extracting this massive thing that has the eggs for whatever this monster is-and they find out that the Bismuth burns them alive if it barely even touches them. There's a lot of gore in Scared Shitless with a head getting torn off and you see a mutilated body, Don's finger gets bitten off by one of the creatures and blood flies everywhere-like I mentioned before, the practical effects are great and the cinematography is spot on too. If it needs to be up close and gross, it is. If the viewer needs space to breathe, it's there. This flick is just a fun time and it's ready to watch on Tubi and Amazon Prime. When I first saw the trailer that my brother showed me a couple of years ago, I thought it looked funny, but I had a feeling that this thing was going to suck. It didn't. It was a good time. Scared Shitless didn't leave me scared shitless, but it did remind me that not every film has to take itself seriously and we can still have fun even in the bullshit times we are living in now. Would it have been better if it actually was a giant pile of actual manure or shit coming alive to kill everyone? Yeah, it might have been-but it wouldn't have been the same. I'd hang out with Sonny and his dad but I would probably tell him to stop being a pussy by constantly drinking Bismuth all the time and being worked up about germs. Turn that damn NES on so we can play some Super Dodge Ball-one of my favorite games on that console of all time. And destroy some toilet snakes while we're at it. 

HauntedWeen

 

HauntedWeen is a funny little haunted house/halloween themed slasher from 1991 because I don't think it quite knows exactly where it wants to go or who it wants to hang out with. The little Eddie Burber side of this two face is the horror part where he is hosting the family haunted house with whom I presume to be his parents-his dad looks more like he would be his grandpa-but that's beside the point. The Burber house is used for making monies with it being transformed into a haunted house to scare the crap out of anyone who is willing to pay, and something terrible happens. Before I say what happens at the beginning, I got complete Bad Ronald vibes from this situation and Eddie's mother's reaction because she almost does the same thing that Bad Ronald's mother does in that movie at the opening-if you've never seen that, what happens is this little girl keeps picking on Ronald in between going to school and whatever else and Ronald can't take it anymore after a certain point, so he shakes her up a bit and she ends up falling on a rock head first and dies. Ronald's mother cuts a hole in the wall of their house for Ronald to live in so he never gets caught by the authorities and he never has to go to jail or anything for his mistake. Ronald also ends up becoming extremely bizarre from the isolation that that type of situation provides (with living behind a wall and everything) and then his mother eventually dies when she goes to the hospital for some complications, but he doesn't know that so he's just trapped in the house forever. In HauntedWeen, during the annual money making period where Eddie and his family are hosting their haunted house, he gets a little to real with what he's supposed to do in the haunted house because he's all amped up from reading monster magazines that he ends up killing a girl while she's shitting her pants from the denizens of said haunted house. So, in order for Eddie to not get into trouble, what does his mother do? She ends up having her and Eddie move away to some remote cabin/home type place and while he's chopping wood for the fireplace, she has a heart attack and dies right on the back porch. Eddie doesn't call anyone-no ambulance, no police-nothing. He kind of just tucks her away somewhere out of sight and that's basically it. Here's the other side of this two face which is the older Eddie Burber part-I want to say about 80% of HauntedWeen is a really watered down, half-assed teen sex comedy with college idiots partying, drinking it up, smoking, guys trying to get into the girls' pants (I mean, yes-because that's what us men do) and there's plenty of nice boobs, a little blood here and there from a few random kills on Eddie's part and unnecessary drama between Kurt and Mel because Mel wants Kurt to spend more time with her and pay attention to her more, but he's the typical clown shoe where work and his boys come first. Man, fuck that shit. You have a hot blonde that wants to just be with you and you're more concerned about your Frat that is behind on it's due payments by $3,700, so you'd rather focus on that. Ass and titties, man-ass and titties. Anyway, Eddie somehow gets wind of this Frat needing the money, so he gives the keys of the house to a character here that I really thought I was going to be annoyed by the entire way through, but he actually ended up being kind of entertaining. His name is Hanks. Yeah, Hanks. He's a great sidekick and a great friend. But pretty much after the entire Frat spends an insane amount of time revamping the Burber house to be used again for haunted house purposes, the whole third act is Hanks and Kurt collecting money from random people coming to the haunted house and Eddie himself actually killing all of them one by one, and of course, everyone that is a paying patron just sees what Eddie is doing as part of the experience. They have bloodlust in their eyes and their hearts as Eddie chops people up before them, and they love it with little boys and girls screaming "chop their heads off!" and craziness like that. Towards the end (and the ending is so abrupt and absurd) Hanks actually goes in the haunted house himself because he wants to see where everyone else is and what his idea is procuring to keep making them money-and he ends up realizing that "the kill room" where Eddie is doing just that isn't in fact part of the show. That shit is real. Eddie tries escaping through a vent in the floor, and Hanks torches his ass with a prop flamethrower they have for the haunted house. Kurt sees Hanks after he runs outside and Hanks tells him "I got him-I cooked him like one of mama's homecooked biscuits-son of a bitch!" But then Eddie's toasted ass comes outside as well, gets into a car and blasts away. Kurt gets a double barrel from somewhere and unloads both shells into the back of the car as Eddie is pretty far away at the point and the whole thing blows up like someone threw a grenade at it. What a spectacular, nonsensical, unrealistic ending. And it's abrupt because after it blows up, it randomly starts driving away and then you're pushed into the end credits. And that's it. HauntedWeen didn't know how to properly end either. It just sort of stops after a fireball of a vehicle drives away somehow when we know that Eddie has to be fucking dead. But this is a funny slasher from 1991, so it needs a weird and funny ending too. And that's exactly what we have here. I had fun with HauntedWeen-would I watch it again? Maybe. I mean Hanks is pretty great and Mel is hot, but I don't know if that's enough to come back a second time. Also, the version that I watched on Tubi is actually the Vinegar Syndrome print of the film that they most likely put on blu-ray at some point. So there's that too. I don't know how to end this any better than this film does itself, so I'm just going to shoot my car with a double barrel too. Here's to investing in a new vehicle.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Badlands

 

The story for Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Badlands is pretty simple-there's a well known Youtuber/content creator named Jonah that became lost somewhere in the general area of the Texas killing fields, and no one can find him. We do get to meet Leatherface at the beginning doing his thang while participating in a version of his own signature "chainsaw dance", which I mean, at this point if there's no "chainsaw dance" in a Texas Chainsaw movie than what are you doing? Is it even part of this universe without it? But at the opening of this twenty two minute romp we have a bartender talking to the local sheriff about just that-the missing Jonah guy that's out there somewhere working on videos or live streaming with the possibility of gettin' snuffed. The sheriff tells the bartender that he has some days off coming up and he's going to take some time to go look for him. He's going to be off duty and he really doesn't have to do that, but he has a heart and wants to help find Jonah, so we do see this dude again later on. But I also have to point out here that Jonah is played by Robert Irwin who also played the insanely annoying Adam in another Ian Messenger film that I made a Youtube review for titled Wendigo Falls. If you're into found footage or first person films, go check that one out because you'll probably get into it. But we do see Jonah himself here for a couple of minutes while he is in fact making content for his Youtube channel. He becomes about as lost as we all thought he would, and Leather snags him as he's pissing himself in some random dilapidated house where he is promptly kidnapped, hung up in a barn of sorts and has-you guessed it-his face fileted with a hunting knife by Thomas Hewitt himself so that he can wear his face as a mask for the rest of the show. Or Bubba Sawyer-or which ever real name you want to slap on his ass. But the cinematography in this scene in particular I thought was great because it really did remind me of how the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre was filmed in that you get to see everything while seeing nothing at the same time. The camera is behind Jonah the whole time so all you see is the back of his head and his hands tied up to a ceiling beam while good ol' Leather is right there torturing him and slicing his face off slowly and meticulously so that the skin can stay intact for the purpose of wearing it. That scene really is the fulcrum that keeps Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Badlands together as you go on this journey with Adrienne, Jade, Blake and Dusty as they traverse this area in hopes of finding him before what happens-happens. There honestly isn't to much more that I can really say about this fan made addition to the Sawyer/Hewitt world here because when it comes down to it, this is a little side tidbit in the hands of a really solid cast and crew who you can tell have a passion for horror and for the Texas Chainsaw franchise in particular. I liked it even more than that shitty Netflix Texas Chainsaw movie that they released back in 2022 because this entry is short, gritty and gets to the point. The 2022 one has us milling around with a bunch of annoying Gen Z losers that want to "cancel" Leatherface and all they do is whine about how hot and dry Texas is and how everyone there has guns and whatever else. That version of this story fucking sucked. Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Badlands did not. If you really want an indie/short Texas Chainsaw flick that will only soak up about twenty plus minutes of your time, this is the one. It's just a travesty that Jonah is gone now. There's a lot Youtuber's that stop making content or just quit altogether for various reasons, and his story is probably the most interesting and the darkest out of all of them. Yeah-Badlands is great and needs to be pushed more. Time to gas up my own chainsaw and cut on through. The saw is family. 

Medusa (2020)

 

Look, I didn't expect to much when I originally placed this version of Medusa on my review list at the beginning of the year because it just looked stupid-and for the most part, I ended up being correct. Medusa 2020 ended up being the most perfect example of a purgatory flick I could have possibly imagined because there just isn't anything here that would make anyone in their right mind want to pay another visit sometime in the near future. Basically everything contained here is extremely bland, mid, meh and completely forgettable. There are a few things that do stand out however and for starters, we have to talk about the atmosphere and the score of this film because they are both very good. The overall music implemented at certain points here really make you feel like you're a part of what's happening and you just don't want to be there and that's a fantastic feel for the score of any film to have. When if feels dark and depressing, so do you. When it feels creepy and oppressive, so do you. I really enjoyed the music written for Medusa 2020 and it's unfortunately the only great thing about this flick I can really point out besides the acting itself because it really went for the overall feel of what the film was supposed to be, which was a darker and more serious tone. I really think that this flick would have been so much better if it was what I thought it was going to be, which was some kind of cheesy, shitty, horror comedy type of deal-but it wasn't. It was basically the antithesis of that, and I personally think that it drug this picture down way further than it should have been. Also, one last thing that was pretty solid was the cinematography. The shots and lighting were really good and I had no complaints about that. Deep reds were used sparingly, but it served well to what was going on and to giving the audience the vibes it was supposed to. Now, everything else-yeah. Medusa 2020 sucked. I mentioned earlier that this was the most perfect example of a purgatory flick because it ticked every box that it possibly could for being boring, for garnering lackluster characters and for the entire build-up and overall situation to just leading down a path that no one is going to remember. Nothing incredibly exciting happens. Hell, I'm already forgetting certain details about what happened here as I'm writing this and I really wish that wasn't the case. There are two scenes that do stand out however and the first one I'm going to mention is when Carly finally starts shedding her skin getting towards the end of this thing and she looks like a snake-you know-because Medusa is the queen of snakes? The practical effects for this scene were really great and I wish there were more of them, which leads me to the second scene I'm going to point out which is the ending. The ending first of all is stupid. I'm not even going to say what happens-all I'm going to say is that it's really fucking dumb and the CGI used when Carly starts having the snakes in the back of her head come out because she's fully starting to transform into Medusa is legendarily bad-I'm talking here that you can actually see the line around her head where the animation of the snakes begins and ends and where it was placed in post when it was edited. Not even joking. It was baaaaaaddd. So, how does all of this even play out? Basically, Carly lives in this absolute trash trailer park in the middle of Australia somewhere and the way that these women make money is turning tricks. Yeah. And Carly's boss (or whoever this asshole is-he's basically a pimp) is a cocaine smuggling piece of shit that shows up whenever he needs something or to bring men to this little sex ring. Hi name is Jimmy. But one night for whatever reason, Jimmy takes Carly to this Dennis Rodman/Simon Phoenix looking guy's place and he tells her to ask for some woman named Alexis. Except Alexis isn't a woman-it's a snake. A snake. So Carly and Dennis Phoenix end up getting freaky a little bit and then Alexis bites her in the leg a few times, which of course slowly through the rest of the film turns Carly into Medusa. Beyond everything that I've mentioned here good or bad, Medusa 2020 is the straightest purgatory movie of all time. I never thought that I would ever run across the flawless version of that type of a film, but here I am still embarking on this quest. If you're interested, give this a shot. You'll probably see it as nothing more than a movie sporting a button up light blue shirt with it's sleeves rolled up. It always puts the work in, but it's never going to make it to the top. Or just listen to the Anthrax song titled Medusa. I'm done now.  

   

In The Willows (6th Chamber Pictures/Ian Messenger)

 

I have in the past ingested and reviewed other works from Ian Messenger such as his Friday The 13th short films Friday The 13th: Revenant and Friday The 13th: Legacy as well as his found footage flick titled Wendigo Falls. The video on my Youtube channel for all of those in one fell swoop is still there if you're at all interested in checking out my thoughts on any of those, and once again on good ol' Instagram, I was contacted by him to review the new slab sewn together by him and his crew-In The Willows. I want to say thank you right away again for thinking of me to write something on my site for this because there's already so much I want to watch and review, but I will always make the the time to review someone's work in the indie scene if they ask me to. So, for this piece it was directed by Ashley Messenger (which may be his sister or wife? I'm not actually sure) but just having a film like this directed by a woman is really cool and adds something a little different to the mix-sure, this sort of thing has happened before in the past to a greater extent, but it's still awesome to see to switch things up a bit. But In The Willows focuses on a group of friends that want to help their pal Jackson with his addiction issues, so instead of staying in the city and trying to help him grind it out with every chance and convenience he's used to by way of getting some smack or whatever his drug of choice is, they take him literally in the middle of nowhere to some downtrodden, beat-the-hell-up farm/survival resort place for him to "be away from the wi-fi and to get some fresh air". Sounds like a great idea, right? It wasn't. Because at the opening of In The Willows we have three guys fishing and shooting the shit in some lake or pond in the area of where these "rehab" grounds stand, and in between them drinking and talking about God knows what, a couple of weirdos in burlap clown and jack-o-lantern masks appear out of nowhere and start snuffing them out. I was intrigued right away because who are these fellows and what's their purpose? I mean, this is a dark backwoods styled slasher so what else are they going to do-they're going to kill people. That's what. After the three randoms are sent to heaven or hell here in the beginning, we meet all of our main squeezes and really the people you will be spending the most time with are Jackson and Gabby-they have this whole past that starts getting dug into because they dated previously and Gabby starts shouting all of the sacrifices that she made for Jackson to his face to try and save him and to get him clean-but what do junkies do? They don't want to do that-they want to wallow in their lifestyle and hide in the corners so they can keep up with their habits. There is an underlying layer to the weird people with the masks wanting to kill all of them-and very quickly, my favorite of them was actually the overweight, Leatherface looking guy named Father Abner I believe-he was the only one that actually talked a couple of times and he shot one our main characters with an old school single shot shotty. So that was a good time. But with these killers with the masks and the woman with the little bell that she keeps ringing-I think that they are some kind of physical manifestations presented to all of them maybe as what they're afraid of or some kind of spirits to make them pay the toll for their sins? I don't know-maybe I'm looking to far into that aspect and maybe they're just a cannibal family looking for some lunch. Whatever is really going on here with In The Willows, I'm going to sit here and say that I enjoyed it quite a bit and I'm also going to state that I want a second part to this or even a full 80-90 minute feature so we can dig in a little more. I as well as you want to know more about our main group, we want to know what happens to them after Gabby is choked to death by the guy with the clown mask and what does happen after Father Abner carries the woman with the bell through the fields and into the end credits. Yeah-hear me 6th Chamber Pictures-I think a sequel or a full length version is in order here. Because Jackson needs to get sober and he needs to get back with Gabby again. Dug it. 

  

Revenge Of The Red Baron

 

About a week ago, my brother-in-law sent me a clip of this hilariously bad film on Youtube by the name of Revenge Of The Red Baron. The clip was in the middle of the movie where Tobey Maguire's character-Jimmy Spencer-has been brought into a mental facility based on the fact that his dad was murdered in his own swimming pool by his hand, tossing his giant bug zapper into the water while it was turned on, frying those little blood sucking bastards into oblivion. Except that's not what took place. Not at all. Jimmy's dad was killed by The Red Baron himself because he in fact is the one that did a nose dive right into the device and pushed it into the pool to effectively electro-shock his father into the afterlife. So the cops were called by their dumbass neighbor who can't seem to never be an asshole or have a cigar in his mouth because he's nosy, and the main detective is great because he's freaking Bob Pinciotti from That 70's Show. That's right-Don Stark makes an appearance here and I really enjoyed his candor and over-the-top leaning for this particular cameo because all he's here for is to send Jimmy's ass to either juvenile hall or some kind of shrink hospital for his rantings and ravings about a killer German Baron flying a little mini triplane from WWI. If this shit actually happened, no one in real life would believe him either because it's hilarious, delusional and of all the things to randomly come alive to try and murder you, why would it be the red baron of a German triplane from WWI. That's some serious imagination cranking there and it for sure warrants a straight jacket. But here's where the story for this starts-it's France 1918, and there's a dog fight taking place between The Red Baron and what seems to be a few American biplanes, and for my sake, yours, and a tad bit of historical accuracy, I actually looked up a bunch of photos of these types of aircraft while this opening was playing out just to see what I was dealing with in the moment and the planes that were used as American ones in this scene weren't American at all-they were British Sopwith biplanes being posed as American ones. Most people when this film first came out probably didn't realize the difference or even gave a shit (and to be honest if I was just watching this just to watch it instead of writing about it, I probably wouldn't have cared that much either) but I just wanted to point this out because I felt like I had to and it actually kind of adds to the overall cheapness and lack of quality that this film holds. In the entertainment department, I was all smiles and ridiculous cackles when it came to sitting through Revenge Of The Red Baron, but when it came to pretty much everything else-I was groaning and rolling my eyes at how inept this thing became. So at the end of this dog fight, The Red Baron himself is shot down and explodes in one of the crappiest explosions I think I've ever seen, and then after some embarrassingly bad score music, we are cut to Jimmy playing some flight simulator looking game on an NES, which looked like it should have been running on an early Windows 95 pc of the time or the original Playstation. That in and of itself is just insane because the writers and director clearly didn't know anything about video games at the time, and once again adds to just how quirky and terrible this film actually is. But the baron is brought back to life because Jimmy is sent to his dad's house where him and his Grandpa live so he can get some discipline and/or course correction because he's always fucking up at school and is always getting into fights with other students and teachers. His Grandpa ends up being the fighter pilot in WWI that shot down the baron in the beginning of the film, and his hobby now is that he builds and flies WWI era RC planes, and of course wouldn't you know it-he built the exact triplane that the baron was flying when he shot him down all those years ago and it's hanging from the ceiling on display. For some bizarre reason, he tells Jimmy to cut that plane down and one of the "American" ones, they fly them outside together and pretend to have a dog fight, when all of a sudden a storm comes and bolts the baron's plane with some lightning, and now he's alive and full of some of the shittiest German war era one-liners possible. The puppet that was used for the baron is so stupid looking and it almost made me feel like I was watching a lost Puppet Master film or something, which to be fair would actually fit into that canon somewhere because there's a whole WWII lore going on there with Toulon and all that-but I'm not going to get into any Puppet Master shit here. After all of that happening in the opening moments of the film, it's basically the baron following Jimmy and his grandpa around after he ends up in the hospital from having a coronary, trying to do whatever he can to eradicate him because he blasted his ass into smithereens back in WWI. There is a scene in here-and this is where the baron gets ammo for the guns on his plane-where Jimmy and his mom are actually trying to shoot him down skeet shooting style with duck hunting shotguns and lever action repeaters-they of course miss a million times and never hit him-but his mom goes to the gun cabinet for more ammo, she drops the whole box on the floor, leaves it there, and the baron sees it when he flies into the house to chase Jimmy's mom only to say "Ah, bullets. Danke schon." Then after that for the whole rest of the film he has seemingly unlimited ammo and ends up mowing down quite a few people who get into his way up until the very end. I normally do what I can to not spoil how any of these trash heaps end because it's just a better experience if you've never watched any of the movies that I review, but here's the ending for Revenge of The Red Baron-Jimmy uses the RC "American" plane to fly in circles until the baron finally screws up and flies into the power lines hanging above his grandpa's house, but he doesn't get electrocuted. So grandpa stands up out of his wheelchair next to the cut power box that's supposed to power those specific lines and he stretches those wires together to fry himself and the baron so this mess is finally all over and they can live happily ever after. I highly (and I mean HIGHLY) recommend looking up Revenge Of The Red Baron on Youtube because the entire film is there for anyone to enjoy and this is a rare one that was suggested to me that I actually ended up digging a lot because of how insane it was. Me putting this review together really doesn't even scratch the surface of how hilariously bad this flick is because I didn't even talk about any of the one-liners that the baron spits out or how much of a shitty teenage attitude Jimmy bares on his shoulders, his dad's dickhead of a neighbor, the hot nurse in the hospital where his grandpa ends up or piles and piles of other things that you just need to see for yourself. Go watch this and may historical accuracy be damned.

The Greenskeeper

 

Oh boy, this one's par for the corpse. I wish the actual contents of The Greenskeeper was as cool as the cover art, but once again this is just another film that became a victim of great poster art and great marketing to push a lame, boring-boring-boring-fucking boring movie to slasher fans and horror comedy fans. It fails miserably in both categories and the setup really enticed me because it looked and sounded like it may have been a cheap alternative to the seminal slasher classic known as The Burning. That flick kicks all kinds of ass and has some of the goriest and most violent kills I think I've ever seen in an 80's slasher-and unfortunately The Greenskeeper falls way short of that prestige. This was a slasher that I wanted to be good and I wanted it to have gorgeous chicks with their boobs exposed (there was one scene where the only attractive chick in here does just that-every other female is between a six and a seven) and I wanted there to be awesome kills, funny jokes, cool characters and a great back plot to fill in the gaps where they needed to be filled in at. But, none of that took place. I will state though that the kill at the end where Allen's "dad" (it's in quotes because he's not really his dad as you find out) actually kills his real dad by shoving a freaking sprinkler head into his chest and after he falls over as his heart keeps beating, the sprinkler starts going off by spurting his blood everywhere as if it was water watering the grass on the golf course. Clever, kind of funny and a pretty cool kill that was actually done well considering how shit the rest of this snooze-fest ended up being. I was so damn disappointed by The Greenskeeper that I honestly didn't really even pay attention to half the film while it was playing because 90% of this flick felt like I was watching some garbage late 90's/early 2000's low budget sex comedy with no comedy and barely any sex. None of it worked and now it's just another stink fest that I have to toss onto my list for worst of the year. Oh yeah, another kill that I want to point out is there is one scene where one of our resident retards does get nekkid with one of the girls here in the middle of the night while they are riding around in a golf cart, and as they are getting to work, they're interrupted by The Greenskeeper version of Cropsey, and he shoves the guys' dick in one of the ball cleaners out on one of the courses and keeps pushing it up and down, up and down, up and down and up and down. It feels like he does it waaaaayyyy to many times and I actually said out loud "okay, that's enough-I think this dude's dick is squeaky clean now!" pretty loudly at the screen. I really, really want to write more about The Greenskeeper, but there honestly isn't much else to write about. If I ever do a video about this flick on my Youtube channel, I don't think it would be every long because it's so fucking boring, empty and uneventful that I just don't want any of you zits and zombies to have to endure it. It's not worth your time and it sure as hell wasn't worth mine. Hell, I started reading Ghost Rider by Neil Peart a few days ago and I could have spent my morning ploughing through more of his 10,000 mile motorcycle ride for self healing and preservation than having to contract a mental version of walking pneumonia through The Greenskeeper. Whatever man-it's on the worst of the year list now. I'm not turning back. Stab me with a sprinkler head-I'm done.