I'm not a Cheater Cheater, but I have been cheated out of many hours of my precious time here on this earth due to SRS pictures and the vast majority of their releases. Over the years since I've been doing this, they seem to distribute either the most boring, petrified, wooden pieces of 'horror' celluloid I think you could possibly imagine, or they're just absolute clunkers that no one should ever strap on their backs to carry around with them for the rest of their lives. Cheater Cheater is a film that literally made me fall asleep somewhere between the second and third acts from the very adrenaline being syphoned out of my veins-by the time the credits started rolling up on my pc monitor, I hit the snooze button on my phone probably three times just to try and jolt my ass back into reality. My hands and forearms were numb from leaning so hard on the arms of my chair that I felt like a paraplegic who lost both of those particular extremities from a major world war, and I couldn't even use the mouse or keyboard to make this thing stop when it came time to write this. Okay, I'm embellishing and overexaggerating a bit-this flick wasn't that horrendous overall, but it did commit the ultimate sin of any sort of art or media which is that it is in fact fucking boring. I could feel how sludgy and slow to stand Cheater Cheater was going to be pretty much right after it started, and none of the characters here have any energy or personality about them. I wanted to give them all some espresso or cans of Red Bull or something because everything here just drones on so painfully slow that time may have started going backwards, which if that were possible, I'd put this flick on again to go back to when I was in my very early 20's or maybe even my late teens to repair some things that wisdom makes you realize should have never happened. We all have regrets, and I don't completely regret sitting through Cheater Cheater, but man I should have never put this film on my list to review. We have Joseph and Peter who start at the beginning of this piece as the usual high school jackasses that want to act a fool on Halloween night and go into the Saps antique store and ask the owner for cigarettes and other stupid shit, he kicks their asses out and at the same time that's happening there were five murders committed on that particular night-and of course-the town of Yakima, Washington is a sleepy town where nothing ever happens. The structure here is just so bland and blah that honestly there isn't a whole lot to push around in terms of certain events building up to the reveal at the end about who killed everyone and why and all of that. It just left a very gray, neutral taste in my mouth and now I need some Listerine to brighten things up again-but after five years, Joseph comes back after completing his AA program from becoming an alcoholic, his parents go missing, his cousin Peter (who I initially thought was just some bizarre close friend that never, ever leaves Joseph's parents house) gets stabbed, Joseph's friend Amber gets stabbed, her fiancé Shane gets stabbed-everyone gets fucking stabbed by someone in a rubber jack-o-lantern mask from either Walmart or the cheapest Halloween store you could possibly find and then you find out who is killing everyone and why-and that's about it. There also is a solid reason why this flick is titled Cheater Cheater, but I'm not going to give that away if you do actually want to plunk your ass down in your chair to watch this because that does give way to some brevity that this piece might garner, but it's pretty weak and predictable to say the least. I really didn't hate Cheater Cheater, but it definitely wasn't memorable or great either. Until next time SRS-I'm sure we'll meet again, and hopefully next time I'll be the one wearing the cheap pumpkin mask so I can stab you instead of you stabbing me. Although, that time travel thing might come in handy-show me how to go back. Show me how to make a film so damn slow that time starts to reverse itself. I think we all need that slice of genius right about now.