Hellmare

I had the chance this morning to watch Hellmare from RFN Pictures and what a damn treat this was-I've pinpointed this in my mind where this is a low budget horror flick that every horror fan needs to see regardless of what they're tastes are because this flick just outright rocks. It reeks of that heavy metal/punk rock "I don't give a fuck" attitude that movies in general need to get back to these days because everything mainstream now is so dull, stale, monotonous and just fucking boring. Film these days getting pumped out of literal satanic Hollywood is just absolute trash with no heart, no substance and no soul. Hellmare has heart, soul and charm for days and I really just couldn't get enough of the mutant horsehead guy aptly named 'Hellmare' because even though you really didn't get to see him that much throughout, his presence brought a smile to my face every single time. This flick was just a non-stop thrill ride that I didn't want to get off of, and when it finally did come to a close I just wanted to buy another ticket to get right back on. But even with me saying that praising it's energy and enveloping me in it's structure, I duly hope that there just isn't a sequel. Don't ruin it RFN-if you make a sequel, you'll never live up to what you did here with this one. You just won't. There are a few trailers here contained on the tape left behind by Philip's grandfather after he passed away (who his grandfather is played by the legendary Lloyd Kaufman) where he and his buddy Whitley work at a video rental store in the late 1990's ('97 to be exact) and he ends up getting a copy of an ultra-rare title named Hellmare. They've all heard of it and have read about it in obscure terror magazines, but none of them have ever seen it or have had the chance to. Until now. Philip also inherits his grandfathers house, which still has all of his creepy satanic witchcraft crap in the attic. And here's where we start with the trailers-the first one is about a cop that practices witchcraft and uses black magic to set people on fire, stab themselves with knives, read their minds and send their asses to jail-in hell. Of course, this one is called "Witchcraft Cop" and it's just great. Wish it was real. The second trailer is for a black and white vampire flick titled "The Vampire's Lament" where it's kind of just a run-of-the-mill vampiric proceeding where Dracula is chasing some girl around trying to seduce her to suck her blood and blah, blah, blah-you know all about that. Still looked fun though. Wish it was real. The third one is for a ridiculous Troma-esque type of offering where there's a government group named with the acronym D.E.A.T.H. which stands for The Department of Eradicating and Annihilating the Homeless which to be honest is a great name for a government group that I'm surprised doesn't actually exist in real life. Also, wish this flick was real. I wished that all three of these were real, and you know what-in the context and world of Hellmare, they do exist. They are real films and our group consisting of Avi, Stanton, Bell, Philip, Whitley, my girl Linda and Donny along with the unfortunate protagonists of said trailers have to endure these villains for real because when they all have a movie party at Philip's newly acquired pad from his grandfather passing away, they actually get sucked into the film right after it begins. I won't really go to deep into certain events that take place during the events of Hellmare after this happens, but I'm just going to say that the gore and special effects are fucking fantastic, the music and the score are fantastic and the cinematography and lighting along with specific color palettes are also just downright fantastic. Honestly, this piece is horror movie joy from beginning to end because RFN got everything right and there's no spots that slouch here. All of the acting was on point, all of the characters complimented each other perfectly and the villains worked together very well to bring this thing together to make it downright fun. I think that's my main take from watching Hellmare is that movies just need to be fun again. They need to make you laugh, they need to make you cry, the need to make to stick to a specific character that you're attracted to (again, my girl here was Linda) and they just need to suck you into what's happening so you can forget about everything else going on around you for 80-90 minutes of pure bliss. Hellmare is the shit and when it is in fact finally released, see this damn thing. Please. If you don't end up liking it, then I don't know what to tell you. Go watch The Notebook at that point. I can't be friends with you anymore.