The Cleaning Lady

 

I kind of-sort of remember seeing the trailer and other things being released back in 2020 when The Cleaning Lady first came out, and I don't think it resonated with me that much. It just stewed in the back of my brain for a brief period of time and then just fizzled away. Now, five years later on Tubi, I ran across the fact that it's streaming on the platform and I recalled the cover art and the title-but not much else. It's mainly because the title "The Cleaning Lady" is pretty generic and lethargy inducing at it's highest potential-and I really wasn't to excited about what this chunk of horror really could provide me with. Man, was I fucking wrong. These are the types of films that start pulling on your hair about halfway through, and before you know it you're fucking bald and penniless. I ended up really getting engrossed in what this piece had to offer because the psychology behind it is immense and intense all the same-you know right when this thing starts that something is going to come full circle. You can feel it in your blood that something is highly disturbing about some young woman that puts a bunch of rats in a blender in the opening scene, and pours the remains into a glass dinner bowl. The gums that hold your teeth in place will shake and shiver at the idea of what happened during Shelly's home life because her mother is a fucking greedy, selfish bitch. Your nails will collect more dirt than normal harboring the fact that Alice is a beautiful blonde woman that could have any man that she wanted-but she just had to have some loser that's already married and doesn't know how to let go. All of these things transmorph and coagulate into a story about how deranged a child can become with the wrong parent(s), the wrong time and the wrong situations they find themselves in. I can't stress enough how bad I ended up feeling for Shelly more than I did Alice because what she was involved in, she had brought on herself-whereas what happened to Shelly was because of her mother. I will never understand how empty and soulless you could possibly be to stoop to those levels of disgusting behavior, but unfortunately, we all know what she forces Shelly to do for money when she was a teenager actually happens in life. Christ. The first few moments of The Cleaning Lady showcase Shelly putting a bunch of rats in a blender so she can presumably (what I thought initially) have something to eat. Well, we'll get to it at some point-but the smoothied up rat guts aren't for herself. We then see Alice laying in bed with who it seems like her husband at first, but he's some other woman's husband because he's a cheatin' sonofabitch. Alice calls someone on her phone about fixing her tub because it's clogged. Out of nowhere, Shelly shows up and shows Alice that her tub was ringed up with a massive hairball and that's what was causing the blockage. The film starts grinding it's gears and moving with steam from that point on because they start to form a relationship where Alice is paying Shelly to clean her apartment and Shelly just wants some kind of human connection. Any kind. Shelly starts noticing "imperfections" that Alice garners such as smoking and being in an affair with a married man-and this triggers her and her past with her mother-whom she has chained up in a massive shipping container in the backyard of their house that used to be their home until her mother decided one day to start selling Shelly's body for cash. And you guessed it... that's who the rat guts are for. Karmic food for her mother. Oh, after Shelly's face gets burned by one of her "clients" because he threw a pot of boiling water on her after she bit his hand, she tells her mother that she hates her to her face and she runs to the kitchen to get these massive scissors to cut her tongue out. Yeah. You can see why Shelly became "the cleaning lady". I could really spoil more about what happens in The Cleaning Lady about Alice and Shelly, but I've done enough. There are so many layers to The Cleaning Lady as whole that I just recommend you zits and zombies to watch it. It will surprise the hell out of you. 

The Mean One

 

We all know the story of How The Grinch Stole Christmas and the Who's down in Whoville-but what about the horror parody version that was released back in 2022? I wasn't aware of this fact right away before I decided to dive into this one earlier this morning-but David Howard Thornton, who has played Art The Clown in all three of the Terrifier flicks-also plays a gory, nasty version of The Grinch here in The Mean One. I was mentally prepared to completely dismantle the shit out of this flick before I even decided that I wanted to sit through it's ninety two minute run time, but it genuinely surprised me in a lot more aspects than what I was expecting. For one, the cinematography is very clean, crisp and colorful. Specifically the reds, greens and whites that were employed in the color palette popped vigorously and gave the film an overall cheerier and more holiday infused tone-paralleled to all of the kills and gore-which somehow bore into the back of my mind as this thing trudged onward. It gave me a sense of Christmas and Hanukkah (I'll explain soon) that was completely needed here to make it to the end, even though I actually enjoyed all of the characters, their situations and how everything melded together towards the wrap-up that elevated The Mean One slightly higher than a purgatory picture. Just slightly though. This isn't going to end up being my new addition to my Christmas watch list with that already being populated with the likes of Christmas Evil, Christmas Vacation, Jingle All The Way and Krampus. Oh yeah, I can't forget to leave out Die Hard and Cobra. Those are Christmas flicks, and if you don't agree-get killed by The Grinch. The Mean One is a select flick that I might revisit every couple of holiday seasons if I'm in the mood for it, but it's not a new staple. Maybe a cult following would garner that tradition. But not me. So basically what happens here in The Mean One is that when it begins, Cindy Lou Who (yeah-they used the character names from the original cartoon) is probably about eight or nine years old and she sees Santa Clause by the tree and gives him a kiss on the cheek and some Santa necklace that she was wearing. Her mother barrels into the room screaming that Santa is a monster, she beats the hell out of him with what looks like a giant plastic candle decoration or Nutcracker of some sort, and then she ends up getting killed because Santa knocks her over and goes face first on something sharp on the floor. We get the same kind of sing-songy, rhyming kind of narration that is found in the original Grinch cartoon that transitions us twenty years later back to Newville (not Whoville) and Cindy is about in her later twenties or early thirties at this point. Her and her father decide that it's a good idea to come back to the house that her mother and his wife was killed in to rekindle some kind of Christmas spirit. The reason for this is never really explained, but it happens to just to move this thing along and to get back to where The Grinch murders random people for participating in anything that has to do with Christmas. Lights, decor, carols, presents-anything. We meet the Sheriff, Deputy and the Mayor that wants to get re-elected, and gets very annoying with pasting re-election stickers on random townsfolk's chests as they are eating at the diner or anywhere she happens to be at. We also realize very quickly that the Sheriff is a jackass and the Deputy is some Jewish dude that looks like he belongs in the Twilight movies. Towards the end, he tries to remember the words to some Christmas songs that would piss off The Grinch to get him to come out of his cave, but he instead starts singing a Hanukkah song about a dreidel-which still pisses off The Grinch and makes him come out of his cave anyway. Maybe he hates Hanukkah and Judaism too. He despises all religious celebrations equally. Huh-my kind of DEI. Really the best parts of The Mean One are seeing the actress that plays Cindy in the shower at one point, and the merciless killings of The Grinch through the entire affair-especially the one in the middle where he slaughters an entire group of drunken idiots at a bar and grill (who are all dressed up as Santa Clause or the female versions of) that's already closed. So they get served iced tea. And viscera. And their own body parts. The Mean One never reaches the heights of brutality the way that the Terrifier flicks do, but I didn't want it to. I wanted it to be a fun and funny horror version of How The Grinch Stole Christmas-and that's basically what I received. All nice and neat and cleanly wrapped in a gleaming, shiny Christmas package. Even though I only plan on opening it every few holiday seasons or so.      

  

Cinema Slayer II: Ten Years Of Horror Chaos Is Available On Amazon

 

        

Ah yes-in commemoration of my horror film criticism existing for over ten years now, the second volume in the form of Cinema Slayer II: Ten Years Of Horror Chaos has finally been finished and put up for all of you special undead to snag a copy whenever you see fit.

Before your arms, hands and fingers fall off. Which basically means that I'm telling you to get a copy as fast and as orderly as you can.

There's no real reason behind my haste, besides my wanting all of you to enjoy more of my work. And pointless writings about shitty movies that I know you'll love, hate, and want to use as kindling for your next bonfire in the backyard. I'm looking at you Curse On Blanchard Hill.

I'm fucking looking right at you.

So let's celebrate the first ten years of me wasting my life on these ghastly films so that you don't have to. But if you end up reading the content in this release, become intrigued by something specific, consume it and become a fan, then you too have wasted your time on a film that you otherwise may not have. To the greater good of horror, to us making a comeback after being buried for however many decades after we're gone and to me writing random bullshit for another ten years.

I'll see you again, zits and zombies. For another decade.

 By the way, the link for Cinema Slayer II: Ten Years Of Horror Chaos is in the top right column along with all of the other stuff there.

10 Years Today-Lord Have Mercy

This logo right here, right above where I'm writing these words for you to be able to scrounge up with your eyes for me personally has become iconic. This isn't my digital handiwork though-this was done by a friend of mine that I unfortunately don't really communicate with anymore like I used to, but the tides of time shift the layers of sand in different directions for all of us whether we like it or not. Indifference aside, I still love this to death, wish him and his family well, and hope that maybe someday in the future we could reconnect in a normal fashion so much like we used to.

But I'm not spewing these constructed letters into language buildings for the sake of trying to get a lost friend back. Oh no, that's not in the color of my blood. That's something that he has to work out for himself. I'm sitting here on this day because I can't believe that I have been going at this under the Cinema Slayer name for ten years. Today is a decade past that I decided in which it would be a good idea (under the influence of many brewski's as well as it being 6am after work back then) that I should combine my incessant need to read, write and watch horror flicks all into one thing. Somehow. So I decided to look up random shit about blogging or "how to start a blog" and bullshit like that. It was way easier than I had anticipated, and the actual skeleton if you look at the very bottom of the site copyright (very, very closely) you can see that it says "Gregory's Obsession". That's because I actually used this very site to try and start a blog waaaaaaayyy back when my wife and I still lived in Champaign/Urbana probably sometime in 2011 or 2012. I named it just that and the only few posts that I wrote were about a few different games that I had been playing on PS3 at the time. But I didn't want to ultimately write about video games-I wanted to do something else. Something that I had never really been into before.

Horror movies.

Yeah. But I had no basis. No where to start. No idea about a format. My writing skills and inflection back then were pure shit. Hell, I don't think they're that much better now, but at least I feel when I write something these days it has a salt of completion about it. Sometimes that taste is a little salty, but I still have my wit, my energy and my creativity. I guess. That's for all of you to absorb and hold a hand on high to determine if my work is even worth it. I think, for one, it has been after all of these years and now that it's getting towards the end of January in fucking 2025 (my God) I'm on the edge of finishing the second Cinema Slayer book and have plans for something else that I'm going to start work up on again that I abandoned a number of years ago that I feel needs to be put into print. 

And it has nothing to do with movies or video games. Or anything of that nature.

But I just wanted to tell all of you thank you from the bottom of my hollow heart-and whether you've been reading my crap since day one or you just found my site yesterday-it doesn't matter. What matters is that I've put together something that you all can point fingers and laugh at, and I can have fun doing it. So here's to another hopeful ten years. And may I finally find some kind of peace in being a shoddy wordsmith.

I bow in respect.

 

 

Toolbox Murders 2

 

I have to point out here at the beginning that I've never seen the original Toolbox Murders or even the Tobe Hooper remake, so I have no legs to stand on when it comes to this possibly shitty sequel simply titled Toolbox Murders 2. And I say "possibly shitty" because, again, I haven't seen the other two so I don't really have a base to spring from, but they have to be better than what unfolds here. This entry delves very deep into the extreme side of gory horror, and if you watch the actual cut, not the "Coffin Baby" cut, then you're going to be in for a nasty fucking bloodfest of psychotic serial killer proportions. I like reading and watching documentaries about those weirdo's-I don't want to actually see them commit the acts. The psychological aspect of those monsters is way more interesting than what they have actually committed, and the antagonist here is no different. This guy is fucking brutal and doesn't hold back at all in terms of sawing limbs off, sawing people in half while they are alive with a table saw, using a blowtorch to burn people, slicing off the flesh of someone while they watch as they're own skin is being cooked in a skillet for breakfast. Coffin Baby doesn't give a good shit about anyone or anything here, and it's utterly repulsive. I'm not opposed to extreme violence or heavy gore in any horror flick if it's done right, but here in Toolbox Murders 2 I felt the whole way through that it was done just for the sake of it and really didn't punctuate much of anything besides it being stylized to make him out to be the sickest bastard this side of Dahmer or Ed Gein. I'm pretty sure that was the whole point, and it was achieved greatly. The massive let down for this film though is that once you make it to the end credits, you still really don't know much of anything aside from feeling filled up with the rage of not knowing why any of this took place-nothing is explained about Samantha and her sister, nothing is explained about why Coffin Baby is doing what he's doing and nothing is brought out about literally anything. This is an unnecessary sequel that was just a cash-grab to prey on the horror community, and I don't know if it sold well enough to make a profit, but I honestly kind of hope it didn't. There was no reason for this.

Samantha has been kidnapped and locked in a cage in a dingy basement with absolutely nothing. No food, no water, no communication and no hope. The entire movie is basically her having flashbacks of what happened before she was kidnapped and goes through this whole ordeal having to watch Coffin Baby chop people up in various ways with actual tools from a tool box, and slowly loses her mind from day to day. She ends up throwing up bile from not eating anything for multiple days, tries eating a cockroach, eats her own hair at one point and just isn't a normal human being by the time this shit is over. You can't blame her. Eventually at some point she gets so hungry that she willingly takes some seared meat from a pan that Coffin Baby is cooking stuff in, and wouldn't you know it-it's fucking human flesh! What a damn surprise! And she even gets to watch him slice the skin off of some blonde chick's leg that he captured in a big white bag, and has her chained to the table with the saw. I will state here that the music is actually very fitting with a Ministry/Prong kind of vibe going on with it which fits the psychosis and uneasiness of the film entirely and the cinematography is actually very clean and well put together and adds great punch to the overall proceedings. There's no shortage of sickness here and there's a few frames where it honestly felt like I was looking at the live version of a Cannibal Corpse album cover (which, I mean, Cannibal Corpse is a kick ass death metal band) where there are just bodies, severed heads and limbs all over the place and blood splattered in grotesque patterns all over the walls to complete things. If all you're looking for is just insane amounts of brutal gore, you'll find it here. There was even a couple of scenes where I felt like I couldn't eat anything while watching this so there's that too. It reaches for the stars in terms of gross violence, and does it wonderfully.

Starting off with a scalping. I'm sorry, a box cutter defacing.

I have to say-I'm pretty impressed with this violent and gory stop motion in the intro here.

Okay, this bald dude needs to stop with the sexual fetishes.

Yo sista' be dead.

So, this homeless dude was tossed into the windshield of a cop car and his head was sawed off, and the cops weren't watching?

There's someone in that bag, isn't there? Yep.

Why stop at cutting off one leg when you could do both? That's just lazy.

Fuck that-don't eat one of the roaches.

It's probably not the breakfast you think it is, it's probably dead people parts.

Yep, it's cannibal shit.

There's the guy with the stupid hat.

I think Samantha is going to need a lot of counseling now after being kidnapped and locked up for multiple days while watching people getting cut up with a table saw and eating popcorn.

Zits and zombies, Toolbox Murders 2 is just here as a torture porn gore-fest to try and cash in on the original and remade name sake of The Toolbox Murders. This piece was highly unnecessary on pretty much every level and has no reason to have ever been made, but here it is. I stated at the beginning of this review that I've never even seen the original or the remake, and I have a feeling that they are both vastly superior to this dump. This actually kind of makes me want to watch both of those just to see if this one even remotely has anything to do with either of them, and since I'm a realist, they probably don't. Maybe Coffin Baby is a returning psycho serial killer villain from either or both of those, but I don't know for sure. All I know is that, once again (and I have been watching a lot of these lately it seems like) that this is a heavy handed purgatory flick. I see absolutely no reason to revisit this unless maybe you feel like taking it upon yourself to have a marathon one day of watching all three Toolbox Murder movies in one day, but why the hell would you do that. Probably for the same reason that I've attempted to watch all the Texas Chainsaw movies in a row, and failed miserably. Mainly because the franchise is much bigger than this trilogy and because that franchise has a lot more bullshit to wade through. The swamp gets pretty deep, my friend-and so does Toolbox Murders 2. Put your hogging boots on because it's time to go fishin'. 

Bus Party to Hell

 

I do remember when Bus Party to Hell was released back in 2017 and being mildly excited about it because it was yet another schlocky offering from the blonde nymph Tara Reid. She has been integral to pieces such as the Sharknado franchise, Charlie's Farm, Mummy Dearest and a slew of other gum-stuck-to-the-bottom-of-your-shoe type material that most would happily scrape off in delight and toss in the trash. In other words, Tara isn't opposed to fun campiness, and Bus Party to Hell is absolutely no different. I slid into this one not having a damn clue about what it entailed, and it was fairly okay. Definitely a purgatory flick. Devanny Pinn graced this picture with her sexiness as well (although not enough of it) and I kind of wish that more of the characters stuck around just a bit longer to add more weight to this thing before all hell breaks loose (pretty much literally) because even though I did have a good time writing stuff down for this, I still felt kind of hollow by the time it was over. I know this is going to be pretty freaking obvious, but the majority of this film takes place on the party bus itself (who knew?) with the main characters looking out of the windows at various times to see what's taking place after the bus driver randomly vanishes because "they need to stop for a minute". Everyone is getting plastered, there's breasts galore, a redhead lesbian, an artsy-fartsy guy who's actually gay that is pretending to love his high school sweetheart and many other drunken complications that could have added to the full stature of this to make the people more worthy of dying, but alas, it wasn't meant to be. Empty shells just to move this along to the next scene. Bus Party to Hell really doesn't pick up steam until the third act after the desert cult starts to get really nutty with more boobs hanging out all over the place, covered in blood-some chick has a giant snake slithering all over her naked body, another one gets horny from killing one of the girls on the bus by having a snake go down her throat and then she cuts her open with a ceremonial blade. I guess this film is more fucked up than I realized. 

Darby and Lloyd are running through the desert from the cult I guess, and they are both dressed up like steampunk gypsy's. That's the only way I can describe it. Then Darby (Tara Reid) stabs Lloyd with this giant knife that she has and beheads him with some of the worst CGI I've ever seen. Later on, Darby gets run over by the bus, and is splattered all over the place only to see Lloyd's head again and he proceeds, in a comical sort of way, to chatter his teeth as if he's going to bite her or eat her or something to that effect. This flick has plenty of wacky and zany moments which throws the tone off a bit, and to be honest here-this thing became waaaaayyyy darker than I ever thought it would. I had a glimmer in my mind that there would be drunk people on a bus traveling somewhere while they, what else, party-but the whole cult angle was cool and kind of stupid at the same time. It might have been better if it was a singular person or character trying to kill them or lure them off the bus into a sort of cannibal situation or Texas Chainsaw scenario-I think something like that would have been better because it would have felt more real than some fantastical cult that has black magic or some shit. And of course, the "bus driver" is absolutely bonkers and the main people on the bus strip her down to try to find the bus keys to get the hell out of there, but her body is completely covered in tattoo's that come to life after they kill her. And yes, her eyes get ridiculously wide and you can see the tops of them so that just automatically means she is fucking nuts.

So was Lloyd a gypsy, steampunk kind of guy?

Yeah, this chick has a penis.

Starting this party off right with boobies!

I'm calling it early-the redhead is a lesbo.

I love photography.

Mummies Alive!

"My gift is my dick".

This dude with the horrible overbite is a fucking square.

When did this turn into Mad Max all of a sudden?

Didn't one of you have a gun? Get it and start blasting!

That is the loudest tie I've ever seen.

I thought she'd be into it-since she's gay and all.

This Mad Max cult is freaking weird.

"Okay, who's Jewish?"

Black metal definitely wasn't out of the question here.

Shut up and stick it in her already!

Zits and zombies, Bus Party to Hell is a treat if you're in the mood for it. There is a ton of nudity, violence, gore and really dark occult shit here to be taken in. It honestly wasn't as fun as I thought it was going to be, but I didn't completely hate it either. It wore out it's welcome pretty much around the time you hear everyone in the cult chant "bring out the chosen one" for the five-millionth time, and what do you know-the chosen one is one of the girls on the party bus that's a virgin. Yay-my horror life is finally complete. Yeah, this does lean hard in a few spots with clichés, but overall as I stated earlier-this is a hard purgatory flick. I think you're going to sit through this once and never have any desire to go through this ever again. I've been on party buses before and they were way more fun and entertaining that what you have here. Tara Reid should just stick to the Sharknado movies or do another American Pie-keep it nice and warm for the rest of us. I'll make sure to never drive through the desert ever again. Especially with some psychotic blonde that has tattoo's of snakes and spiders and monitor's all over her body. Yuck. 

Terror At Blood Fart Lake

 

Sometimes when I add a movie to my list to be reviewed for the year, I do it kind of the old school, video store way-by way of the cover art or the title. I added Terror At Blood Fart Lake to my list for this year of 2023 because my brother Mike and I randomly ran across it awhile ago on Tubi, and the title made us both laugh. The cover art looks painfully stupid, but the actual film itself has to be better than what's portrayed up front, right? Yeah, umm.... yeah. I'm going to give myself a minute to rub the anger and tension out of my eyes before I can even begin to figure out where I'm going to start with this allergen-induced cancer because I truly don't know where to even acknowledge that I heard the track gun pull from. Here's how low we're going with Terror At Blood Fart Lake-okay, are you ready? Anytime during the runtime of this hot pile of rhino snot that my body or mind found a distraction from, I just went for it. I had to take a dump with about thirty minutes left of this half-witted bowl of vomit soup, so I just let the movie play while I relieved myself. I didn't miss a damn thing in those 5-10 minutes. My mind also wandered into watching random clips of Lucy Hale in various videos on YouTube, which led me to also missing another 5-10 minutes because I ended up pulling the pud to my celeb crush with this fucking bullshit still playing in the background. You see where I'm going with this? Terror At Blood Fart Lake made me kind of wish that I actually was physically able to fart blood because that would have been a much more enjoyable proceed to deal with than sitting through this stream of mental illness ever again. I would put this on the grand pedestal of the absolute champions of shit shows I've already endured in the past, such as Greetings, Blown, Most Likely To Die, and the almighty human waste stain in the center of my underwear known as Curse On Blanchard Hill. Fuck all of those throat disease mouth pieces, and fuck Terror On Blood Fart Lake as well. You wanted the best, you got the best.

All I can muster about whatever you want to call a plot here is a bunch of the ugliest motherfuckers I've ever seen decide to drive to some cabin along the river bank of Blood Fart Lake. The entire movie keeps teasing you about this assclown named "Hambone" that you only see at the very beginning when this tirade opens, he's talking on the phone about getting pussy or having some girls come to his cabin or whatever the fuck, and he talks in the third person about how "Hambone is never going to die" and "Hambone gets all the bitches" and stupid shit like that. After that though, you never see this douchebag again, and everyone for the rest of this crap-circus keeps talking about him like he's going to show up at some point, and maybe he did and was killed by the scarecrow killer when I was taking a sweet dump or pleasuring myself to said celeb videos when I wasn't even watching this thing-and to be completely honest, I don't fucking care. I hate this goddamn movie. In between all of that non-sense, some fruity guy (who isn't gay somehow) is already at the cabin with a flamingo on a stick named Caspian, and he is the absolute worst. The level of annoyance and stupidity from this character was beyond where my maxed out needle could ever reach for me wanting to stab someone in the face, and if I could have jumped into my 4k television to flesh out such an act, I most certainly would have. The absolute only saving grace for Terror At Blood Fart Lake is the kind of sexy Ashley Sawyer. And that's really not saying much here. My God is this year over yet-nope. Not even half way. 

You're as square as a rhombus if your nickname is "Hambone".

Stop talking in third person, "Hamdick".

How are you only going to put $5 worth of gas in the car when you know you're going to be driving through a gigantic forest.

At least there's a Bad Taste decal in the window of their car.

"Do you know the dark arts and listen to Evanescence?"

I wish I had a power mullet and a trucker hat that said "sugar daddy" on it.

Man, Fright Rags must have really went downhill if this is the guy that owns them.

"If you think you're dark, I poop from my dick tip."

Ashley Sawyer is pretty damn attractive.

What the hell happened to this Hambone loser? Is he ever going to show up?

The scarecrow killer is finally here to do some killing and blood farting.

I'd let Ashley Sawyer in my room while I'm whacking it too.

 As you can see zits and zombies, Terror At Blood Fart Lake is fucking abysmal. This is the grade that I know I'll run into at some point whether I like it or not. I hated every second of it and basically after the first couple of minutes when Hambone's stupid ass is finally off the screen, I knew then what I know now-so far, this is at the top of my worst of the year list. I'm calling it right here and right now that this is going to be number one, but you never know-something else on my list for the year may shine even duller and shittier than this thing did, and I have been surprised before. I really wanted to sit through the entire thing with no breaks or shifts in concentration because that's what I do to get as much out of the experience as I can before I sit here and write something, and even with all of the film endurance I've built up over the years with the likes of the dung beetles I mentioned earlier, Terror At Blood Fart Lake still managed to get me to partake in other distractions that I usually put off until the appropriate times. This entry is chock full of the worst music and horror movie references that are so poorly timed along with the fact that there's just way to many of them that I honestly don't even recall any of them. Just steer clear of this one, friends-and release a nice, bloody fart under the covers while your other half is sleeping. Instead of a "Dutch Oven" what would that be called? "Cherry Pie in the Oven"? I don't know. You think of something.