Friday, January 29, 2016

Breeders (blu-ray)


I've been trying to get more blu-rays lately for my collection (horror or otherwise) and Breeders was a complete, total blind buy. I've never heard of it, seen the cover art or watched the trailer ever before in my entire life. I just bought it with my horror blind fold on based purely on the cover itself. Old school if you ask me. When I ran across it on Amazon by accident, I thought to myself, "how could you go wrong with a black background, 3/4 of the way covered up by a screaming blonde woman's face being torn through by some bloody monster/alien thing with a jaundice eyeball and razor sharp teeth???? I have to buy this blu-ray!" Little did I know what a monstrous block of cheese this bd disc would contain. I think Breeders was filmed and printed in Wisconsin in 1986. God, I need a bottle of wine.

   That guy looked pretty dead for a second.

Where are her heels? Oh, they're in her hand. Nevermind.

Why does this guy have a chain-link leash for a shih tzu?

I love these cheesy ass special effects.

Goddamn, the acting is putrid in this picture.

This is the most up beat, out of place transition music I've ever heard in a movie after someone has been killed.

Man, everyone is into cocaine these days.

There's no way this guy is ever going to sleep after seeing this chick nude.

Who the hell carries Christmas decorations around in a shopping bag?

Fake rubber stab.

My my, what nice breasts and buttocks you have.

I would have brought a gun. Just saying.

 I have mixed feelings about whether I 100% like Breeders or not, but I will say that if you're in the mood for a fucking horribly acted pot of cheese fondue, this is your golden ticket. If only Willy Wonka made cheese instead of chocolate. That would be bad-ass. The ending also made me throw my hands in the air saying "that's it?!" when it was all over because I was honestly expecting a little more from it. But it was the mid 80's when this was released so you get what you can get. Munster sounds good right about now.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Box Set - itis: Dawn of the Dead Ultimate Edition


I was very lucky in my timing of buying this particular box set of the original Dawn of the Dead off of Amazon. I believe I purchased it back in 2011 or 2012 and I picked it up for... wait for it... $9.99. Yeah. You read that right. $9.99. Currently on Amazon it ranges from $30.81 (with prime) up to $259.95. Out of print much? Oh yeah. I normally don't collect or try to find items for my collection that are going to be worth money in the future, I just buy movies or prints of movies that I want that end up being that way. Any fan of zombie flicks or George Romero needs to have this in their collection because it's an essential piece that collectors I think are trying to find copies of for a decent price nowadays. Like I said, I was just lucky.

 Price I paid: $9.99

Where did I find it?: Amazon (US)

Print: Anchor Bay Entertainment/Synapse Films

Run#: 2,369

Movies Included: Dawn of the Dead (All separate discs: Original Theatrical Cut, Extended Cut, European Cut put together by Italian zombie master Dario Argento and The Dead Walk/Document of the Dead)

Is it worth it?: If you can roughly find it for the price I paid up to around about 40 or 50 bucks, hell fucking yeah! This is the definitive edition of the original Dawn of the Dead that every zombie fanatic needs to own. I just wish there was a blu-ray version. I would gladly upgrade and give my dvd version to someone who needs it.

Final: Just buy it. Even if you have to spend $259.95.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Halloween (2007 Rob Zombie remake)


Not being the biggest Halloween fan in the horror community, when it came time to decide whether I wanted the ten disc blu-ray collection or the fifteen disc box with pretty much every extra that there ever could be for a Halloween die hard, I opted for the ten disc respectively. Before earlier tonight, I actually had never even bothered to watch the Rob Zombie remake because, in spite of it being Rob Zombie and the fact that I hate remakes, I kept hearing over and over again about how brutal and bad-ass the remake is. So I finally popped the blu-ray in to take some notes and I fucking loved it. In some aspects, I actually like the remake better than John Carpenters' original because it goes deeper into why Michael turned into a psychopathic killing machine. It gave him depth and a voice. And I loved it. I'm going to watch the second one when I can because I just feel like it's my obligation. I owe it to myself, you guys and to Rob Zombie. Well, maybe not so much him, but you get the idea.

(shudders) clowns.

What a piece of shit step-father.

Malcolm McDowell looks horrible with long hair.

I want to stab those two pussy ass kids myself.

I hate Mike Meyers' step-dad.

Get some pussy, brutha'.

Brutal Bat Beatings. Written by: Michael Meyers.

Danny Trejo!

These psychological studies and meetings with Michael Meyers are pretty damn cool and add a lot of depth to the character.

"Cute baby. Couldn't be related to you." Wow. What a bitch.

That's quite a mask collection you got there, son.

Holy shit, it's Radio Rollins from Wing Commander 3!

How low can you go, raping a female mental patient. They deserved Mikey kicking their asses.

 Lawrence Fishburne?! How many people are in this damn movie?

 If you've been on the fence about watching this remake, just watch it. This film proves that you can make a fucking killer remake and not ruin or tarnish the ideas from the original. You just have to take specific elements from the source material and put a new spin on it without it being a modernized carbon copy (I'm looking at you, A Nightmare on Elm Street remake) and make it a new story or freshen it up a bit without just re-doing it shot for shot. One of my new favorites for sure. I want a copy of that book Michael wrote. When is the release date?

The Video Dead (blu-ray)


Since my fellow zombie, Steve Carpenter decided to write a review for us recently on the ridiculous horror comedy, Terrorvision, I thought I should fill the other half of the double feature on this particular blu-ray release from Scream Factory and write about The Video Dead. I can't lie to you, zits and zombies- I've watched this film more times than I probably should have since I added this to my collection a few years ago. Really, Terrorvision is the better flick of the two. But I just can't help it with The Video Dead. The concept is pretty cool and the zombies actually look bad-ass. The execution of some things in the movie are just terrible and the acting is so wooden you'd think you were watching saplings grow on your tv set from the moment they were planted in the ground. But that's the charm of The Video Dead. You know it's a heaping pile of dinosaur shit, but you're still somehow willing to dive right in. No questions asked.

Is slow motion really needed to reveal a tv in a crate?

You're a real responsible bastard, aren't ya'. 

"Who the hell would send me a tv? I don't even watch tv!"

A zombie ascending out of the tv with smoke and lights? What sorcery is this?!

I've never seen a teenage boy wear a shirt that says "twist and crawl". Ever.

 This yokel belongs on Bonanza.

Even zombies love chocolate.

One more dance with Mary Jane.

This is the only scene where you see "The Garbage Man".

Shortest, shittiest recipe I've ever heard on the radio. 

That cowboy hat pisses me off.

Zombie Bowie- sorry. To soon?

I know I probably shouldn't have added that last note in there since David Bowie recently passed away, but I'm sorry. I never really got into his music (so I personally don't care) and every time that particular zombie popped up on screen with the bright blue skin and hair combed over to the side, he just looked like David Bowie. Besides all that, if you're a zombie die hard and also love films that are just dumb and make no sense because they have plot holes the size of a fifty inch tv, then you'll have a good time. Otherwise, just buy this blu-ray for Terrorvision. The price of admission is worth it just for that.    

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Box Set - itis: The Tox Box


I'm going to admit to you right now zits and zombies that I'm really not the biggest Troma fan in this hobby... a lot of their films just aren't for me. But, as a horror and cult film collector, I feel that it is essential that I at least had a copy of the original Toxic Avenger. No one's collection is complete without at least viewing Melvin Junko's transformation into a creature of super human size and strength at least one time. Having all of the Toxie films in one set is pretty killer in all honesty, and this set also includes the full length animated Toxic Crusaders movie as well, which as far as I know is the only way you can get it. I don't think you can buy it separately. Maybe you can. What do I know. Tromaville High football rules. I don't know where that came from. 

Price I paid: $25

Where did I find it?: Disc Replay (Crest Hill, IL)

Print: Troma Team Video

Run#: No clue. Probably the 50th.

Movies Included: Toxic Avenger, Toxic Avenger Part II, Toxic Avenger Part III: The last temptation of Toxie, Toxic Crusaders the Movie

Is it worth it?: I would say so if you're a Toxie or a Troma enthusiast, if only to have the un-rated director's cut's of all the films in the series (except for Citizen Toxie, which is not included in this set). The other cool thing about this box is that all four films are printed on their own individual dvd's and they are all un-rated director's cuts with tons of extras and introductions by Lloyd Kaufman.

Final: I believe that this particular set from Toma is out of print, so if you've been looking for this and you run across it at the price point that I found it at, snag it. You'll probably never see it again.     

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Box Set - itis: Twisted Terror Collection


One of the earliest box sets that I added to my collection, the Warner Brothers Twisted Terror Collection is among my favorites. Three of the films are worth buying this box for, and the other three you can live without, but overall it's still a cool set to have in any zits' or zombies' collection. I remember being on the hunt specifically for one of the movies in this set, Dr. Giggles (the best one in the box) and starting to realize that the Warner print of that dvd was part of a collection what with the Twisted Terror logo at the top of the case along with other movies I kept running across with the same. I recommend this set to those of you wanting to see a little bit into what Warner has on the "obscure" side of horror in their line up (even though I really wouldn't consider any of these films to really be "obscure" or "unknown").

  Price I paid: $9.99

Where did I find it?: Amazon (US)

Print: Warner Brothers

Run #: Probably the first.

Movies Included: From Beyond the Grave, Dr. Giggles, The Hand, Deadly Friend, Eyes of a Stranger, Someone's Watching Me! 

Is it worth it?: I believe it is. It looks cool on your shelf and it contains classics such as Dr. Giggles, The Hand and Deadly Friend. The other three are nothing to sneeze at in reality, but they're films that you could probably live without unless your some kind of weirdo Warner Brothers completionist or something. Seriously though, buy it for the three aforementioned films and you'll be satisfied. The doctor is in.

Final: Add it to you collection if only for Dr. Giggles alone or as a cheap-o box to have on the shelf to admire for years to come. Its time for your cough medicine and some Dr. Mario. 

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Box Set - itis: Sleepaway Camp Survival Kit


Box Set - itis is an idea for different posts that I wanted to start putting together last year. I do believe I mentioned it in an early post some time (I don't remember) that I had the idea for this, but now I think is a good time as any to start stitching pieces of this in line so I can write something a little different if I choose to instead of just posting straight about horror flicks. 

The first box I want to post info about is the Sleepaway Camp Survival Kit. It is really one of my favorite box sets that I own, and I do own a few so I do have enough to make this a legitimate series if that's what it ends up being. So, let's get to it.

Price I Paid: $25

Where did I find it?: Disc Replay (Crest Hill, Il)

 Print: Anchor Bay Entertainment

Run #: The second run I believe. The first run was a Best Buy exclusive with a giant red cross on the cover of the box, but the Red Cross was insulted by it. So the second run had the cross removed. 

Movies Included: Sleepaway Camp, Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers, Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland, Sleepaway Camp IV: The Survivor (Unfinished Production Footage)

Is it worth it?: In my opinion if you don't have any of the Sleepaway Camp films at all and you just want to get the whole franchise all at once, then yes. It really is worth it especially if you can find it at the price that I did at $25. If you just want to have the original, there's always the Scream Factory blu-ray which is probably the best print of it that I've seen out there so far. The only thing that I would've liked added to it would be a copy of Return to Sleepaway Camp which really is just a fantastic sequel. It's loads of fun watching Alan getting his ass kicked and made fun of by everyone at the camp.

Final: Buy it if you can. I love it.     

Would You Rather


Would You Rather has been suggested to me by a couple of people in the last few months, but I kept putting it off because it just looked generic. It did drag on in spots, but it did provide that feeling of "who's going to do what next" or "who's going to die next". To be fair, it was a little more engaging than I originally expected it to be, but even the dementedly delightful performance put on by the legendary Jeffrey Combs couldn't hold this one up high enough to warrant me a second viewing or even wanting it on dvd or blu-ray. Even though it physically didn't have any elaborate traps like the Saw franchise, there was that similar piece in the background where everyone was expected "to play the game to survive and learn a lesson." I will say this though- the build up from the time the whole group starts eating dinner until the very end when someone wins is actually very well structured and fast paced and it does leave you wanting to see what will happen next.

  Iris is cute. Give her the damn job.

Kind of warm for a beanie, don't you think?

These assclowns don't care about you or your brother. They just care about themselves and money. That's it.

Mr. Lambrick is Jeffery Combs, right? Or am I losing my shit?

PSP? Nice!

You could get lost in this house, son.

I have a feeling this is going to be kind of a gory version of Clue.

$10,000 to eat a damn steak? Hell yeah! Give me that money, son!

Head like a hole.

Amy is gorgeous. Sorry.

I want to hit that blonde haired faggot with that whipping stick until he can't talk.

When the final scene came, I already had an inkling that what happens was going to happen. Was it worth the risk and the ride? That's up to you to decide. I would venture to say that this fits into the torture porn category, if barely. At any point in time any one of the characters that were playing the game could have easily just tried to interrupt everything and kill both Lambrick's and Bevans and it would've all been over. But, if that happened, there wouldn't be a movie would there? Would You Rather watch this? No. You'd rather play more Fallout 4

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Deli Cuts for Lunchmeat VHS!

 

I have stellar news, zits and zombies! Your local un-dead priest has received word of a deadline to have his Lunchmeat VHS article finished by! I will be writing it on the mostly un-known, mostly forgotten psychological thriller Scalpel (aka False Face) that features Robert Lansing and Judith Chapman! This is so exciting as I've never had anything published before! Thank you Josh Schafer for this splendid opportunity! 

*My article will be printed in Lunchmeat VHS issue #9 going into print at the end of February.   

Saturday, January 9, 2016

Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl-o-rama


There's really no reason for it, but I have been wanting a copy of this for my collection for the longest. I finally ordered and received my copy in the mail a couple of days ago, and I was very excited about it. I already knew it was going to be horrible. I already knew that it had a jive-talking imp that lived inside of a bowling trophy for thirty years. I was already aware that there was a shit ton of female nudity. You think I'm going to complain about that? So, in terms of Full Moon, this is one of the more entertaining ones for sure. USA Up All Night used to play the shit out of this one in the 80's and 90's and I'm sure a lot of you kind-of, sort-of remember it. I remember seeing bits of it myself at my grandparents' house on more than one occasion when I slept over because they had cable and my family didn't. Lisa is such a babe.

 These are the three dorkiest college guys ever in a movie.

Lots of breasts!

"I think you just like paddling girls fannies." So do I, ladies. So do I.

I never thought I would say this, but voyerism kicks ass!

A better view?! You're right there!

My tongue is on the floor. Sorry. Naked women do that to me.

Lock-picking with a bobby pin also works in the Fallout series. Don't forget that.

Malls in the 80's were so much cooler than the ones we have now.

Linnea Quigley is the shit!

A jive talking Imp! Hysterical!

Why would a fat guy get his nails done?!

Damn, Lisa is sexy!

Severed head bowling could catch on. You never know.

Sorority Babes is one of those flicks where no matter how may times you watch it, it never gets dull or boring, seeing the same chicks naked over and over again never gets worn out and the hilariously terrible voice acting from Uncle Impy makes you puke all over your basement floor from laughing so damn hard. Face it-it's a cheesy classic that I think even you would enjoy. Some heads are gonna roll. Oooops. Wrong reference. 

Terrorvision (Steve Carpenter)

 Zits and Zombies! My good friend and fellow trash collector Steve Carpenter has written a post for Cinema Slayer! It's on the 80's horror-comedy classic Terrorvision from 1986! Hotchka! I think it's great! I was planning on doing a post about this movie myself since I have it on blu-ray doubled with The Video Dead from Scream Factory. Hopefully Steve will grace us with his presence more often!



 Terrorvision(1986)

     What’s happening ghouls and gals.. I recently watched this movie on Amazon Prime and most of it was pretty lame. Where do I even begin with this movie? I guess I will start in the beginning… The intro alone was screaming “this movie is going to be terrible!” But I am after all a man, and I don’t listen very well.

     The intro scene was supposed to be a sanitation department on a planet called Pluton, (I know, how original.. Right?) but it looked like it was created accidentally by some kid that left his old Star Wars toys strewn across the basement floor just before bedtime. Then they show the monster which is pretty much a red blob with human eyeballs and octopus tentacles and fucked up looking claw. 

     It is being disposed of in some machine (powered by the most ridiculously fake control panel I have ever seen in a movie) by a man-like alien which looks as though he is the offspring of a lizard and a Deadite from Evil Dead… Of course something goes wrong with the disposal process… and that’s what happens when you mix lizards with Deadites kids.

     Phew, that was just part of the intro…

     The movie then cuts to Earth and focuses on the Putterman (Putzerman) family, and what a bunch of characters they are. First the wife. Oh man, that fucking voice!.. and yes she is doing an exercise routine in fashion high heels, (don’t ask, because I don’t have all the answers damn it!) and is screaming at her half brain dead husband that is outside tinkering with a satellite dish called the “Do It Yourself 100”, which of course is a piece of shit and he is totally clueless about it and makes the TV go out, which caused her to open her annoying trap in the first place.
    
     Then, in comes the daughter in the scene which has this fake ass Cyndi Lauper hair, and a voice just as annoying as Mom, because her TV went out too. Then suddenly the Grandpa comes over and he is obviously suffering from serious PTSD and Dementia… and yes they have a statue of a nude woman in their house, which is also a fountain that spurts water from it’s nipples… Really, in the fucking entry way of your house? Oh, I almost forgot, there is the satellite salesman, just wait until you see this fucking guy. Yep, you guessed it. His mother should have swallowed the night that he was conceived.
    
     There is the son as well, but he is actually a pretty cool kid and had way better acting skills than anyone else in the entire movie. He likes guns, half naked woman, monster flicks and isn’t annoying as fuck like everyone else in the family. Later on in the movie you will meet the daughter’s boyfriend, which calls himself O.D. He is just some Kirk Hammett wannabe that talks like a stoned out surfer.. like right on dude, that’s totally rad! Oh, and you will also find out that the parents are swingers and have swinger parties while the kids are at home… WTF?

     So anyway, the movie is mainly about this monster that got beamed to earth accidentally by that lizard/deadite alien, and ends up on the television channel. Then somehow magically zaps out of the TV and into the house, which the parents call “the pleasure zone” later on to some of their swinger friends. This monster starts eating people and spitting them back up, or sometimes just turning them into a puddle of goo, which looks as though it was created by an exploded bottle of KY Jelly, probably the flavored kind… Yum! The survivors pretty much spend the rest of the movie fighting the monster.

    So, if you are into really bad.. and I mean really bad B horror flicks, then this could be your go to flick. It is not scary at all, the monster is ugly, but comical at the same time and the acting and dialogue are really piss poor as are the special effects. Gunfire in this movie doesn’t sound or look real. Sorry, but a muzzle flash does not look like a bright blue laser and a gunshot does not sound like a generic outer space toy. I will admit that it does have some entertainment value, but I don’t think I would buy a physical copy of this movie for my horror collection. To me it’s one of those “Yeah, I’ve seen that movie.” kind of flicks.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Trippin'


I may have mentioned this before, but I've been a pretty big fan of Camp Motion Pictures for pretty much the whole time I've been into this craziness. I have what I consider a pretty complete collection of Camp films as well. There's still a few I want to get my dirty mitts on, but I'm not writing this to talk about the holes in my collection. I'm going to dull your eyes with the movie Trippin'. It's really just, mediocre. Even by Camp standards. And that's saying something. Because they have in print: Woodchipper Massacre, both Video Violence films, Captives, The Basement, Beauty Queen Butcher... they have a long laundry list of SOV classics in my opinion. But Trippin'... it's just not as good. I'll probably watch it more than once because it's from my favorite horror distribution company, but that's really the only reason. Ganja.

What a sweet leg scar.

I hate it when people put their feet up on the dashboard while someone else is driving somewhere. 

Troma ads in the background make me smile.

A cute chick that takes artistic photos of roadkill? Eh, why not.

This brunette chick is such a damn square.

Titties and Joe Dirt.

Eagle Eye's cabin has that warm, woodsy feel to it.

Square girl deep-throating? I'm genuinely surprised.

Blue skull bong.

Was that a bear trap in Zed's knee?

Damn it, Zed. Stay concious.

"Chopping some fire wood" has a new meaning now.

If you're new to the horror collecting community and you're interested in Camp Motion movies, don't start with Trippin'. Watch their films that are in the Retro 80's line first. You'll have a better grasp of what they're about and you'll be prepared for any shitty or mediocre film you come across. They build character and mental endurance. Basically, if you're already a Camp fan you know what to expect. If you're not, start with Video Violence or Ghoul School. You'll thank me for it.


Cinema Slayer is on the Horror Blogger Alliance!


Zits and zombies, Cinema Slayer is now officially a member of the Horror Blogger Alliance! This is so exciting! Now my blog is out there a little more in cyberspace for the exposure and I have even more of a reason to keep grinding through the work to get to the meat! Hotchka! 

Thank you, Jeremy Hawkins for your time and support! You kick ass!

I will be adding a banner on my blog very soon to display the swag!

Monday, January 4, 2016

Starry Eyes


Zits and zombies, I don't think I can convey how brilliant Starry Eyes truly is. If you have ever seen the extreme horror flick, Martyrs, then you kind of know what to expect here. Except, maybe not. They're similar in the way that they're both very dark and just pumped with really disturbing gore and satanic/cult content. Not that that type of shit bothers me. It's just that not everyone is suited to get into a film that focus' on that. And that's a damn shame. This is a horror flick that should be devoured by horror collector's everywhere. If there ever was a flick that jumped into my number one spot for indie horror, it would be Starry Eyes. Sarah Walker would give anything to be a famous actress... even her soul. Literally.

 I'll be honest- Sarah's hot, but she's too skinny. She needs to bulk up a little bit.

I've never been to a hipster party before.

Was that... Nick Simmons? Very quickly?

There's no way I would make a film with these nit wits.

That has to be the ugly, British woman from Vile

Sarah's not acting-she's having some kind of crazy ass seizure or fit of rage or something.

Big Taters is kind of like a really stupid version of Hooters.

Horror porn.

A sign of Satan.

Ok, Sarah's roommate is sexier. Sorry.

The producer is interesting but akward.

Everyone in LA is chasing the dream.

No, you don't want to meet the producer again.

Oral sex is the gateway to... Satan? Joining a cult? Being brainwashed?

 Basically, Sarah gives the producer of Astraeus Pictures head in his office, and he steals her soul so she can become a very famous, well known actress. This film very darkly portrays the behind the scenes bullshit in the film industry and pulls out all of the stops. This film is absolute top tier and you have to watch it. Pair this with some Thai Chili boneless wings from Hooters and some beer. Joining a cult never tasted so good.   

Blue Ruin

 

I have officially added "watch more revenge flicks" to my to do list for the rest of my life. The only one I've really ever sought out on purpose to sit through has been the original I Spit on Your Grave. It's a tough one. The rape scene in that film seemingly goes on forever and it's just so damn hard to watch because if you have any shred of humanity as a man, you want to just jump right in the scene in your tv and just murder those motherfuckers as they go on. Blue Ruin is another revenge flick that I watched a little bit ago on Netflix, and I give it my highest regards so far for this year. Everything about this film is just grade-a and it deserves every accolade that is given to it. Dwight is a bad-ass, and he didn't even know it.

Desperate to run away?

Sometimes I think I'd rather be a beach bum.

The asshole that ruined Dwight's life is getting out of prison, huh? I foresee some cool shit coming.

I was thinking "where does he get money for gas?" But, can collecting.

The dick that ruined your life, I presume?

So... was that it?

Dwight looks... completely different.

You better have a damn gun in that house.

Crossbow vs. Double Barrel, who will win-not who I expected.

Damn that shit is deep, son.

Having someone locked in the trunk of a car would be fun. Just kidding.

Ben works for GWAR!!! Cool!

I love Ben-he's a fucking Gun Nut!!! 

Ben is absolutely my favorite character in the entire film. He's a stagehand for the comedy metal band GWAR  and he's a gun collector- and Dwight's best friend. He knows his shit with rifles and firearms. Human hunting? These assholes deserved it. I won't destroy the ending for you, but let's just say that Dwight brought Christmas down on that family very early that year. And they got every gift they had on their lists.   

Sunday, January 3, 2016

American Psycho 2


American Psycho 2 was a random watch on Netflix I slogged through a while ago for notes. This flick is just awful. Not even Mila Kunis' cute little ass helped this one. The almighty William Shatner didn't help either. The directing was piss poor, shitty dialogue, generically average plot and acting... ugh. No and no. It's "horror" movies like this that make you realize the different tiers of terror flicks. This one is just right at the bottom, and that's all there it is to it. If I ever meet anyone that actually digs this movie, they're not a horror buff-they're an idiot.

 Head in the fridge!

C'mon, she doesn't like frisbee?

Ooooh shit, William Shatner! I wasn't expecting him!

Teacher/student relationships are fucking weird.

Shove your "freshman pamphlet" up your ass, Gertrude.

Her cat's name is Ricky Martin?!

Nuked pussy isn't something I'm ready to try out. Give me some time.

I want to hit Cassandra.

Brian, shut the fuck up.

Drunk, rich people are stupid. That's why it's so funny.

How were you not prepared to have sex with Mila Kunis?

"Ribbed, for her pleasure."

None of the music in this flick fits anywhere.

Dhani Jones raises his hand!

William Shatner must have been in dire need of money or he was bored off his ass.

 This had to be a side project or some sort of stepping stone for Mila Kunis and William Shatner because there's just no reason for either of them to even be interested in something like this. I don't recommend this flick to anyone of you unless your planning on doing a self lobotomy. Or, just watch That 70's show. Jackie Berkhart. Mmmmm.
 

Anthropophagous


I don't know if you have listened to my very first Pukenstein episode, but I talked about how I bought a copy of Castle of Illusion for my Sega Genesis. After all of my usual tricks to get those old carts working again, the damn thing just wouldn't boot. So I took it back and I used the store credit at Disc Replay to look for other items. The copy of Anthropophagous they had at that moment was actually the out of print double disc from Shriek Show. Fucking awesome. So basically, I plucked it for free. Technically. But as far as Italian horror flicks go, Anthropophagous is pretty legendary for a couple of different reasons. But I'll get to that in a minute. The grimy atmosphere in this film is what really sells it. Amore'.

I love Italian horror films.

They had wireless headphones back then?!

That dog looks bored out of his mind.

The English dubbing in this print of the film is horrendous.

Seasick. Blech.

Tension and atmosphere building. The Italian way.

Sorry, but that severed head in the bucket was hilarious.

What a drunk bastard. Falling asleep with a bottle of wine in his hand.

How dare you put a cute kitten on a piano right before someone gets stabbed with a steak knife?

Damn, what a player.

No, hanging yourself in front of a group of people isn't disturbing at all.

Shadow of the Colossus? Skyrim? Anyone? Anyone?

I'd be pretty spry too if I just ate an unborn baby I ripped from a woman's womb!

Yeah, that's right. There's a scene where a baby is eaten straight from a woman's womb. Also, that's an obvious spoiler. I won't tell you what happens at the end. Just watch this yourself and find out. As far as Italian horror goes, this film really is essential. It truly brings the pace and grime that any horror buff needs to experience at least once while in the trenches of collecting. Spaghetti.      

Cemetery Gates


Cemetery Gates was a buy one, get one free dvd I received at Disc Replay. My expectations were pretty damn low to be honest. I know, I know-don't judge a book by it's cover. But, it just didn't look like it was even in the realm of "so good, it's bad". The box art, the screen shots on the back and just the whole presentation of it when I picked it up reeked of "well, this is going to be one my top five worst of the year." Man, was I wrong. I was dead fucking wrong. I loved this damn movie. The gore and body count alone is worth the price of admission. Even though for me, that price was free. Now that I know what this film is and what it's all about, I can safely say that if you find a copy of this in the wild for about 5, 10 or even 15 bucks... just grab that shit. It's one gore-fested ride.

 No, this has nothing to do with the Pantera song.

Science=Murder? What about Graffiti=Vandalism?

Bald guys with pony tails really bother me.

All this blonde chick thinks about is swallowing dick. I approve.

You know you're in a great area when the road signs have shotgun blast holes in it.

That's some dark, messy grave son.

Chocolate raisin cake? What the hell?

 The worst teeth I've ever seen.

"I used to smoke the reefer too. Makes your balls shrivel up and fall off-they don't tell you that when they sell you the shit!"

Did we really have to see that mutated animal-thing take a dump?

That purple monster/cartoon bit was hilarious!

Damn, August has some nice breasts!

 The scene where one of the side characters is high as a kite and sees that Tasmanian devil come out of the bushes as a bright purple, grimace looking cartoon character is worth sitting through the whole film on it's own. But there's so much more than that. The hot chicks, gore (lot's of it) that pony tail guy from Phantasm and lot's of other reasons make this a must for your collection. I was just lucky and added it for free. Now go listen to some Pantera.  

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Welcome back! 2016 on Cinema Slayer begins!



Zits and zombies, welcome back! I hope all of you had a safe, healthy and happy segue into 2016! I can feel it in my bones that this year will be even better than last year because now that I finally solidified a writing style and a specific way to take notes and watch the horror films that I feel I need to post about, this year and beyond is going to be a blast! 

I also have some sick news to dispense- Josh Schafer (the Josh Schafer of Lunchmeat Magazine) and I have been e-mailing each other on and off in the past few months, and I will be starting to work on an article for the next printed issue! Hotchka! It will be about the VHS only psychological thriller "Scalpel" because I have it on VHS and pretty much no one has ever heard of it. Prime meat! Anyway, that's going to be killer! Josh also informed me that Lunchmeat #9 will be in print towards the end of February, so that will be amazing as well! Can't wait!

I also will be purchasing a microphone so I can get back on track with doing the Pukenstein podcast as well. If you haven't a had a chance to check out the first three episodes I did with my camera, here's the Youtube link for the Cinema Slayer channel:


Prepare yourselves, zits and zombies... the new year is here.