Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Club Dead

Gravitating towards vampire movies or anything related to them is out of my norm. Nothing that has to deal with them really entices me to get involved with vampires (unless it's Vampirella, and I'm sure you can understand why) because, like zombie flicks, they all seem just so played out. It gets old after a while. For Club Dead, though, I actually thought this was a vampire flick from the 80's. I was wrong. I found it on Hulu Plus, and the simplicity of the cover art grabbed me right away. Knowing it was a vampire movie going right in, I already had mentally prepared myself for a boring hour and a half. But I was pleasantly surprised. I really dug this movie. The acting was very solid (except for one person) the story was cool, if already done, and the cinematography was always on point and very vibrant and colorful. When the movie was finished, I actually went on Amazon to see if it was on dvd, and there is no physical print of this movie at all (that I could find. If there is and can buy it somewhere, please let me know) which was pretty disappointing. By the way, every time the Madame' came on screen, "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga was playing in my head. I have no clue why.

 You're such a twitch, Zach.

Is she Blade's sister?

"Man, I gotta get a dog."

Nosferatu is so silly sometimes.

So, Jaleel White and Steve Urkel finally became one and the same.

A chick wearing a Slayer shirt. That's a first.
Scott's a damn hipster.

Satan's Sluts? Sounds good to me.

Judy Jackson is overacting.

Dddddaaaaaaammmmmmmnnnn (tongue rolls on the floor)

Put that cross away, girlie.

Opening a random casket in the basement of a club is probably not a smart idea.

Asian persuasion.

"Let's go upstairs." Every man's favorite phrase.

 The whole idea of Club Dead revolves around a club that everyone is dying to get into because of how exclusive it is. No one on the outside knows that it's a vampire club, and they all think they have to be special to be accepted inside. What the Madame' is looking for a is female virgin so her son can get her pregnant and have an heir to her throne. That's all there is to it. Sounds kind of lame and generic, but it's very well written and acted that it honestly just sucks you in (no pun intended) and you don't want to stop watching until the end. It's that good. That's why I tried to see if it was on dvd right after it was over. I only found that it's being streamed on Hulu Plus and other various streaming channels and sites, which is how I was able to watch it. Zits and zombies, if you are a vampire movie fiend, you'll dig this. Trust me. Now I need to go read some Vampirella comics.  


Sunday, May 29, 2016

Creep Van

A big part of being a horror film collector is taking chances. Chances on indie horror or "blind buys" is no easy task, and I've certainly had my fair share of wasting money on garbage that should have never been put into print in the first place. Such as horror anthology movies like Nightmare Alley or Visions of Horror are two very solid reasons not to commit blind buying too often. I, however, have had pretty good luck with blind buying and taking chances for the most part so far. I've even taken to watching movies on Netflix, Hulu or Amazon Prime before deciding if it's a film I want a physical copy of. Creep Van is an indie horror flick that I'm glad that I blind bought back around when I was about a year into this shit. At first, the title kind felt easy and generic (kind of like your mom) but I picked it up anyway for some reason as I gravitated towards the cover art. It just looks cool and the back cover only hands out minimal information about what is printed on the disc. That's how they all should be. Mystical. Let the bad times roll.

I smirked when I saw this kid had a blue ball.

Only bad people drive vans? What about soccer moms? They're annoying I guess.

Every guy has stolen porn magazines at some point.

"Elbow grease, city boy! Elbow grease!"

I don't think Deep Purple were ever bigger than Priest or Maiden.

   Detroit. What a dump.

So, you're not going to pick up you're chips?!

A booby trap in the drivers side of this guys van. What a creative bastard.

Lloyd Kaufman!

Jack-pot, get it? Ah, nevermind.

Bare breasts, I mean, what just happened?

Swami Ted is a dick. Just being real.

Chick flicks can be fun!

Yes they can, especially when you get your date to bang you while the movie is playing. Eh-hem. Let me fix my collar. Creep Van is a fantastic indie flick, especially since the initial time I viewed it after I purchased it, I wasn't into it. But that was before I really got into SOV horror, so that gave me a new appreciation for low budget filth and acting as stiff and rigid as Pinocchio's dick. I think I may have used that comparison before. Regardless, this is an indie you will want to add to you collection as it features boobies, a couple that has sex in some weird looking doghouse type thing in their backyard, Lucha Libre' outfits, Lloyd Kaufman, a chicks head getting smashed in the sliding door of the van and plenty of pointless, gory fun. That's the way, uh-huh, I like it.    

Friday, May 27, 2016


Pumpkinhead II is an early entry into my becoming a horror collector. It has always been there as a "fall back" film because when I was growing up, it was always on tv for some odd reason, and I would watch it every time I ran across it channel hunting. It also was included in one of the first multi-packs I bought at Walmart back in 2010 when I started diving headlong into this business. Also plunked in the set along with it is the original Leprechaun flick with a very young Jennifer Aniston, and the first two Wishmaster films starring Andrew Divoff.  I plan on writing posts about those movies as well at some point. As with any or the Pumpkinhead franchise as a whole, the only really worth while one to watch is the original. But I have a warm, frothy spot in my shriveled heart for the sequel because of the memories I have watching it so many random times on tv while I was young. Zits and zombies, get your wings. Maybe then you can fly.

 I thought the Elephant Man was only in one movie.

 The jackass mobile rides again.

This headache inducing music is so out of place.

Greasers? Tunnel Snakes? The Outsiders? Shit, I'm referencing the wrong people.

No one teaches a class in bad-assery. That's too bad. Because you need a lesson.

Holy shit! It's Rodger Clinton!

Breaking into some weird, old house is always a good idea.

Was there a purpose in "go pro-ing" Danny while he's digging some dirt?


But trigger happy posse's are so much fun. Now I'm disappointed.

You stole the idea for this scene from Phantasm, didn't you?

Yes, Bill Clinton's brother is in here as the mayor. You did read that correctly. He's not the greatest actor in the world. And this isn't the greatest horror movie in the world either, but I still dig it. It still sits with the rest of my collection as a marker of where I decided to start buying horror movies, mainly because it was the first thing I saw that was available, that was cheap, and buying multi-sets at Walmart is and was still kind of fun. I would only push this as a curiosity piece if I didn't have a nostalgia member attached to it, but that's just my experience. As it is, you can live (or die) without it. Unless you're a fan of the original and have always wondered where the series goes after that. Where did you learn to fly? 

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest

I'm a fan of pretty much all of the horror franchises from the 80's, including Children of the Corn. Owning damn near all of the movies in the series (the second one still eludes me, I can never find a copy of it) my favorite for some bizarre reason is Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest. It might be because Eli has almost the same atmospheric tone about him as Issac from the original, and you can feel that whenever he's on screen. Or it might just be because when I bought the blu-ray multi-pack a number of years ago, this is the one that I mustered the most enjoyment out of. I can't quite put my finger on it. One thing that does convey my excitement however, is the fact that the special effects were put together by none other than Screaming Mad George. That dude is a fucking genius. All though I personally think his effects for this movie are among his weakest (watch Society, Freaked or Curse II: The Bite and you'll see what I mean) they are still very solid here and do an excellent job of purveying gore and dismemberments where need be.  

A bustle in your hedgerow.

Oh no. Big man on campus. Wielding a scythe.

Eli is a twerp.

Well, that was certainly a very gory and painful way to make a scarecrow. 

Street toughs, religious fanatics and drunk homeless guys. Yeah, welcome to Chicago.

Picking up a piece of pizza and folding it before eating it is New York style you jackass. You live in Chicago, remember?

I always thought blue corn was delicious.

"I wouldn't sit there." "Why not?" "Because I'm afraid you'll suck my dick."

Would anyone really be that freaked out by some kid growing corn behind a warehouse?

That motherfucker forgot to put butter on that corn.

Sounds like some EPA bullshit to me.

Once Eli brainwashes everyone into being a part of the cult of corn, the scene where he gets up and says the priests sermon is boring is epic. I want to go to a church and do that. But he gets up there in front of everyone and spits out some crazy shit about saving the earth and growing corn and a bunch of other weird things, and it still makes more sense than Jesus ever did. Sorry bro, but 2000 years ago is a long time. Get over yourself. And I like corn, so if I'm hungry, at least there's that. And I can have as much of it as I want. Just give me a little salt and butter and it's over. Zits and zombies, if you've never bothered with any of the Children of the Corn sequels, watch the third one. It's just as good as the original, if not butter, I mean better. Damn it. 

Tuesday, May 24, 2016


When I first started collecting, the only format I was worried about buying movies on was dvd. And then I eventually found a pretty nice VCR at Goodwill in Champaign. So I started buying horror movies on VHS as well. At the Gordyville Flea Market every month, I started paying attention to people selling movies in general, especially VHS because I wanted to see what sort of weirdo gems I would run across. One of the first times that I found someone with horror VHS tapes, they had a bunch of stuff, including Popcorn. The cover art stuck in my mind for some reason as I didn't buy it when I first found it. I did however buy a copy of Zombie on VHS which is just outrageous. I still have that copy in my basement. The next month when we went, that same guy was there with the same Popcorn tape, but for some reason I still didn't buy it. And then eventually he just wasn't there selling stuff anymore. So I missed my chance at having Popcorn on VHS. But I did find someone on Youtube recently that posted the full, uncut movie. So I downloaded it. And I watched it. And I had kind of a luke warm reception with it.

Someone took some LSD before going to bed.

Troy Sanders?! I'm sorry, I haven't listened to any Mastodon in a while!

Damn Mark, coming on kind of strong are we?

"Because you can't see Mosquito at home."

And I thought I was a horror buff, Jesus Christ.

That shock clock is badass.

"I look like a fucking sno-cone."

Saturday night at the movies.

A free ticket to the "Possessor." How can you resist.

Theaters are nowhere near as fun as this anymore. Makes me die a little inside.

Looks like Officer Bradley is getting some of that pie.


"Tina should start eating better. She looks like shit."

Now that I actually have watched Popcorn, I should have just bought the damn tape. Is it the greatest horror flick ever? Not even close. But it is fun and the special effects are pretty well done. Especially when the main villain keeps switching faces and messing with everyone in the theater while their watching some classic drivel. I also loved everyone's costumes and masks in the theater and just how the crowd was having an uproarious good time during the movies and throwing candy and popcorn at each other. I truly wish theaters were like that still these days. This film is getting increasingly hard to find, and if you do want the VHS it's roughly around the 20 or 30 dollar range and I'm pretty sure that it never made it to dvd. Unless you find a bootleg or something. Heh. Pirates.  

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Dr. Hackenstein

I normally don't focus to much on distribution companies (unless it's Camp Motion Pictures. I just love those guys) unless one of them is putting out a specific film that I have been waiting for for a while. Troma is not one of them. Over these past six years of hunting and collecting, I came to the conclusion very quickly that they are just outright hit or miss for me. Just like any other studio or distribution company, there are die hards out there that want every release from that specific entity just because they love what they are doing. Dr. Hackenstein did not heighten my perception of Troma, nor did it drop it. It simply just reminded me of why I'm sort of on and off with them- just another dull and mediocre offering. This is what I was expecting in the real scheme of things, even though most of their output is just insane, over the top violence, nudity and offensive material that doesn't do anything for me except drive me away for the most part. Unless were talking about the Nukem' High or Toxic Avenger films. Then we'll talk Troma.

Nice lab ya' got there, Bill Nye.

A rat! Skinned alive!

Stop playing with your food you weirdo.

Smoke that pipe, good sir.

At Tyson, were chicken.

Shelia's head is creepy. Just thought I would point that out.

A whistle? Really?

Mutes are soooooo much fun.

A box of tobacco. Every woman's dream.

I wasn't aware that people are in competition for arms and legs.


"Would you like to see my instruments?"

Brrr. Looks cold in that well stocked meat locker.

The music in this movie really reminds me of Puppet Master. Who's stealing from who? Nah, never mind.  

After sitting through Dr. Hackenstein, I would have rather went and watched the first Puppet Master movie again for the hundredth time. At least that's entertaining in all the wrong ways and it makes me laugh because some of the characters and dialogue are just horrendous. But that's the charm of that series of films. This, however, was just lifeless and needed some sort of a jolt. I mean, c'mon, it's Troma. You would think there would be some boobs or gore or talking belly buttons. But none of that was present. Oh well, zits and zombies. You can't win them all I guess.     

Monday, May 16, 2016

Bad Ronald

Bad Ronald is a made for tv horror/thriller movie from the 70's that, to my knowledge, has been mostly forgotten. Bad Ronald is also an early entry for me into this crazy horror collecting business that I've been involved in since 2010 not to long after I moved to Champaign for a job. I may have mentioned this already. Steven Cisna told me about how there was a movie on tv when he was growing up that involved a kid living behind a wall, in his own house with his mother because he accidentally killed someone. His mother passes away in the hospital during a surgery she had to undergo, and he was stuck there behind the wall because he wasn't able to leave the house to find out what was going on. He was being hunted by the cops, you see. They never knew what happened to Ronald Wilby. He just, sort of... vanished. Until a new family ends up buying the house without anyone knowing that he was still living behind that wall with all of his artwork and this wild, fairy tale land he had written called "Atranta". Get this boy some food- he looks famished.

  Happy birthday, Ronald!

College is inevitable, mother.

Rejection hurts.

Killing Carol wasn't the answer, Ronald.

Building your new home- in the bathroom behind a faux wall. No one will ever know.

That mattress looks very uncomfortable.

Weirdo artwork- check. Rip in jacket- check.

What an old, nosy bitch.

Atranta is wild.

I really don't know how long I would be able to live behind a wall in a bathroom. Especially with a paper thin mattress.

Be careful Wilby, that nosy ass neighbor is going to get you!

Through the floor and out the door, Ronald will go.

Every family has an outcast.

This film is timeless. The situation, the acting, the tension of "Is Ronald going to get caught?" constantly creeping in the background as you watch it. I don't care if it's 20 or 30 years from now, this movie will still be good and I hope that it garners the fan base that it should. I honestly consider this to be somewhat of a classic as a testament of quality. Basically what I'm saying here zits and zombies is that "they don't make them like they used to." Everything nowadays is P.O.V. or jump scares or re-makes. Just pathetic. But if you want to see how a classic short and sweet movie is put together, go live with Ronald behind that wall in his bathroom. And get him a damn sandwich.

After School Massacre

After my recent kick of watching and posting about all three of the Slumber Party Massacre films, I decided to try to find another flick with a similar setup and idea. I already knew without watching this that it was going to be painful. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it was going to, but it came very close. After School Massacre is either a sequel, add-on or a rip off of any one of those SPM movies... and it just falls so short. It never really flourished outward with the same energy, humor, kills or young enthusiasm as any of them (especially the second one) and it just felt to overdone with the stupid teeny drama and cell phone abuse that has oh so become second nature in our society these days. What a drag. Not really. Like I stated, I didn't expect to much, especially with box art like that. I should've known better. Akin to any of the other slasher shit that's out there, of course, the main draw is cute girls having sex and getting killed. Except this one involves some douche named Luke trying to bang all of the girls one by one (he's the only guy at this party for some reason) lesbian truth or dare and a kill with a fucking mailbox. Sound interesting? Not quite.

Dancing, teenage chicks in their underwear. Me likey.

Killing yourself over an ex is just fucking dumb. I'm sorry.

Is this intro a rip off of Napoleon Dynamite?

Can you blame your teacher for stalking you online? You're a pretty hot brunette.

I'd like to pour some pumpkin spice creamer all over you.

 Snappin' and stabbin'.

Ms. Perkins is ooooooonnnnnneeeee plastic biotch.

  Steve?! This clown looks like Snoop Dogg and Coolio had an illegitimate son together.

  "Touching up your landing strip?" "No, I'm shaving my pits!"

Killed with a mailbox- another yard appliance death.

Nobody sees these jackasses in the window??!?!?!?!   

Lesbian truth or dare. Now were talking.

"I let my ex lick my butt hole." Ok, that's enough.  

Apart from the pointless context and dialogue that all of these characters have with each other through out the movie, the ending has to be the stupidest thing. Ms. Perkins leaves to go on a date with Coop Dogglio towards the beginning/middle-ish time in the movie, and then you don't see them at all until right at the end when she's giving Coop head while he's driving. They run over her daughter, they don't care and... that's the end of the movie. Wow. By the way, I forgot to mention zits and zombies- the music sounds like a cash register puking all over a keyboard. Or midi controller. Even if the only reason you want to watch this is to see some cute teenage chicks in their underwear, just go watch some porn. You'll feel better when you're done.  

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Mortuary (vhs)

There were many times when my wife and I had went to the Gordyville flea market while living in Champaign, and of course, I would always be looking for horror movies (on any format) and video games. There was only one time when a heavier set woman had a table full of VHS tapes for a dollar or less, and Mortuary was one of those tapes I bought that day. I had no clue what the movie was- all I saw was some pretty cool looking box art and Bill Paxton on the front, so I had to buy it. When I got it home, I actually watched it probably 4 or 5 times in a row because I loved the movie that much and because the tape was kind of worn a little bit. It still is. But that's a testament to how awesome Mortuary is- it's quirky, it has Bill Paxton hopping and skipping through a cemetery because he's weird and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'll spend some time with any movie that has him in it. He's just so entertaining. "Game over man, game over!" Ooopps. Wrong film.

That's a monstrosity of a house.

Slowest baseball bat beating ever.

These two chodes are going to ruin everything.

"These tires are as bald as Kojak's head."  

Perfect place for a cult ritual.

King Diamond? Don't you have more important things to do besides killing people, like, I don't know, making a new album?

Some people just shouldn't be on a pair of roller skates.

Bill Paxton, ladies and gentlemen.

Shits getting real catty in here.

 A light, breezy frolic through the cemetery. It's normal.

Embalming as a career. Could be interesting.

So, you're not the least bit freaked out that the lights and stereo system keep turning on and off by themselves. Ooookkk.

Sex on the floor. In front of the fireplace. I approve of this message.

 My VHS copy of this movie is pretty beat up, even with the tracking on my vcr setup as best as it can, it still jumps all over the place. The audio is perfect though, so figure that one out. I'll have to get this on dvd at some point, but for a nostalgia piece, the VHS is what I'm going to keep watching. The smell of Champaign lives in that tape. And I'll never get rid of it. Off to embalming class now. I've got a lot to learn.

Body Double (vhs)

Even though Body Double is borderline soft-core porn, it's a movie from my childhood (somewhat) because my dad had it on VHS when I was growing up. I remember not watching it until I was roughly towards the end of high school, so at least I never got caught and even if I would have, nothing really would've happened. Watching this movie now, it kind of reminded me of Disturbia with Shia, even though that film came out much, much later. The premise is sort of similar, even though Body Double is much more adult in tone. There's a lot of sexual frustration in this film, and yes, I really wouldn't consider this to be a horror flick- it's more of a peeping tom, cult, murder mystery type of movie that is all around really well written and really well formed. When I was finished watching it and jotting down some sweet notes, it was even better than I had remembered watching it oh those many years ago back in late high school. Plenty of beautiful women, solid acting, nudity, a fantastic story to wrap your head around... it's all there. And you can get it in a variety of flavors- VHS, dvd and blu-ray. It's probably on Laserdisc as well if you look hard enough.   

I didn't know Rob Halford was dead.

 "Put some water on it!"

Well, that sure sounded like an Herbal Essences commercial.

 You're bombing it, son.

That's not intimidating.

Being hypnotized is really weird.

Another foxy 80's female with big, gorgeous hair. I can't help myself.

 Wow, this apartment is fucking awesome. And it's inside of some crazy ass satellite looking thing. Great place.

Good golly, miss Molly.

Job security my ass.

You're getting in way to deep, bro.

This entire film would benefit from having the song "Every breath you take" from The Police dubbed over it.

 Jake has got some serious balls.

Damn gutter trash.

I thoroughly enjoyed Body Double. I really didn't remember any of it before I started watching it to be honest, but once I did, it all came back. I remembered it was one of those movies in my dad's VHS collection that I randomly watched at 2 in the morning because I was intrigued by the cover and the title. And, for some really stupid reason, it made me think of the Sega CD game Double Switch, which have absolutely nothing to do with each other. Probably because the name has the word switch in it, I guess? Whatever zits and zombies. If you're in the mood for a really well made peeping tom type of movie and have never seen Body Double, I highly recommend it. FMV games. Pfft.   

Thursday, May 5, 2016

SOV Weekend 1-4: Beauty Queen Butcher

As a horror collector and a really big fan of Camp Motion, I was and still am on a quest to acquire all of the main 80's prints from them. Beauty Queen Butcher is one of those films. I was hesitant because of the trailer, but once it was in my hands, the initial viewing of this film left me in tears because of how hilarious it is. Everything about this film is gold, and it's mostly because of the characters and how they are acted out. It just feels very right and perfect and if I directed this movie myself, I don't think I could've done any better. I would have to say the only small, minor gripe I have with this zits and zombies is the fact that it's about 2 hours long. But it's a great 2 hours. The way the situation in this plays out and how everything is handled contributes to the fact that this movie has to be 2 hours long. From being in high school to Phyllis' home life (which oddly enough, somehow she lives by herself and both of her parents are dead) to the actual pageant and the fattest P.I. of all time "doing some investigating", this flick is a trip. And you can only get it from Camp Motion.  

Do popular chicks even wear gigantic Mickey Mouse sweaters?

These chicks look like they've graduated high school already.

An NES in the corner. I love it. Great game system.

"You're not just a fat slob. You're a human being."

If both of Phyllis' parents are dead, and she lives by herself and she's still in high school, who the hell is paying for her house?!

Greatest fucking pageant host ever.

Mrs. Prudish is jamming on that keyboard, son.

Public humiliation is a bitch.

Muffie sure looks like a "slough" queen.

Again with the nuked pussy?

"Old Dick, the private Dick is on the trail."

"Better get me some more moo juice. And do a little investigating."

The two best characters in this entire movie are Dick the private Dick and the guy that hosts the pageant. They both made me wail the first time I watched this movie. This doesn't happen to often, but when I was sitting in my basement watching this for my notes, I was taken back to Champaign when I first got it in the mail from Amazon. It reminded me of what a great time my wife and I had living there and how fantastic of a movie this really is. It's just so well written and over acted for a SOV film that you have to experience it at least once. Especially for the detective and the pageant host. Those guys are just fucking hilarious and I highly recommend you zits and zombies getting this off of the Alternative Cinema site or Amazon. 2 hours of your time that I know you'll be grateful you wasted.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

SOV Weekend 1-3: Killing Spree

I own all of the films in the Retro 80's Horror Collection from Camp Motion, and Killing Spree was one of the last ones I needed to complete that. I was hesitant of course, but I have developed a weird skill for being able to figure out if a blind buy is actually going to be good or not. Don't get me wrong, as a human being (or zombie, which ever comes first) I do make mistakes. And some of the blind buys I have in my collection have been downright awful. I have some movies in my collection I'll probably never watch ever again only if to write a post on here for you guys so you stay very far away from them. Killing Spree didn't turn out that way. It's comical. It's not scary at all. It's one of those horror movies from the 80's where you invite a group of friends over on a Friday or a Saturday night, have beer and order a pizza, and just laugh your way through the whole thing. Because the kills in here are ridiculous and over done on purpose (I think) just because Tim Ritter could. And I don't know if anyone would go as ape as the main guy in this movie does because he thinks his wife is cheating on him. 

What the hell kind of stage name is Asbestos Felt?   

Leeza is a hottie.

I don't like pork chops either, brosef.

If Leeza was a stewardess, I would be inducted into the mile high club immediately.

This old fart just scraped by being a fucking pedo.

Stealing a Fangoria, are we Mrs. Palmer?

"The Stew Master" is sweating his balls off.

 Punch a beach bum.

Damn, I want an Iguana.

That little black book is killing you, son.

I've never seen a machete ceiling fan before.

"How about a haircut, slime ball!"

Who is this assclown, a Hispanic John Lovitz?

  Gutted with a chainsaw!

Killing spree is a really great time. Provided you're in the mood for some ridiculous gore and the most fake mannequin head of a teenage girl you'll ever see (after it's been severed) and an even fatter Spanish John Lovitz  gets a screwdriver dropped into the top of his head and then set on fire inside of a steel trash barrel. Or seeing a guy get disemboweled with a chainsaw. Or The lawn care dude getting run over by a lawnmower. All of these things rounded up together make for a great, stupid time with friends, family and a greasy ass pizza. Pre-heat the oven now.  

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

SOV Weekend 1-2: Captives (Mama's Home)

If you know who Gary Cohen is or you have seen either of the Video Violence films, then you know what you're getting yourself into with this one. He directed this one (I believe) in between working on Video Violence and Video Violence II, and a lot of the cast from the first movie appears in Captives in completely different roles. Now, I know what you're thinking- the box art looks horrible. And it does. I don't know who these people are on the cover or who Mama is, but neither one of these weirdo's is in the film anywhere. This cover was created to make more sales and move more units I guess. I'm not really so sure it worked though because if you're looking for this movie on VHS, good fucking luck. You're better off buying The Basement box set and having the minimalist print of it on dvd than killing yourself trying to find a VHS copy of it. Captives is an SOV home invasion film. And it's done very well. It's honestly kind of unnerving because these three wacko siblings act like how they probably would in real life if they did something like this. I wouldn't put it past them. It's just wrong and creepy. That's one reason why home invasion flicks bother me- because these types of situations can and do happen in real life. And it's truly scary.

I love retro electronics.

Now I just want to play some Paperboy on NES.

 This baby is a real life Bonk.

 Slice dat' bagel.

Someone likes toothpaste a little too much.

Did he not just see this guy bolt into his garage?!

I'm excited. I'm always up for an educational film.

Baby, baby, booby, baby bumpers.

Dog for fish food.

You can trust Paulie with Bonk.

Cocaine is a helluva drug.

She is quite possibly the least attractive hooker I've ever seen.

 If you've never seen a Gary Cohen movie, and can find this somewhere, I would recommend watching it. It really is a dark, messed up home invasion/drama type of movie that could take place in anyone's home at any given time. And that's the part that freaks me out. There are people that actually act and think like this out there in our world. It however, doesn't surprise me. I just wish I had a Turbo Grafx 16 so I could play some Bonk. I'm in the mood for it. 

Monday, May 2, 2016

SOV Weekend 1-1: Spine

For some reason, Spine is an SOV flick that I had my eye on to be released for quite some time. I thought It looked interesting and obscure (it still kind of is-except for maybe the interesting part) and anything like that has to be in my collection. For preservation sake. After watching this for the second time now for you guys, I don't know if this is a film that anyone really wants to remember or preserve for the future because, even as an SOV, it's at the bottom. Dreadfully boring and uneventful. Every murder that the main guy commits in here is off camera and pretty much any blood or gore you get to see is aftermath material. Lame. There's even a scene where the police are investigating one of the girls' dead bodies and they keep talking about how "her spine is exposed" where if you look closely, it's just a bunch of fake blood pooled up on her back. No spine at all. Even after all of that mess, I'm still glad I have it. Just as a conversation or curiosity piece.

 A nude female that's hog-tied. What a way to start a film.

Dustin' fer' prints.

Pretty, pretty brunette.

Two coffees? This guy is already a twitch master.


Big, sexy hair.

A truck? It's a van you ninny.

Good old monochrome, Apple computers.

 Another off screen death. Damnit.

It only took 28 minutes to see a nipple.

I like short shorts.

Well, hello Bob Ross. I didn't know your other hobby besides painting was killing women.

    Zits and zombies, if you've been wondering about this movie for a while or have been considering adding it to your collection- there are much better SOV horror flicks out there. The whole movie goes back and forth between adults who are supposed to be cops talking about nothing and a serial killer killing women off screen. It's very frustrating and I can only recommend this to you if you just want to add mostly unknown horror to your collection for the hell of it. Now go get me two coffees... I'm falling asleep here.