Sunday, March 25, 2018

Demon Wind


The deeper I go down this horror film hole, the more complete I feel. Even after somehow managing to not off myself beyond the likes of Blown, Curse On Blanchard Hill, Greetings and many, many other bullshit attempts at fright entertainment-there are still plenty of 80's and 90's gems that lay stained with the soot of the earth that need discovering. Demon Wind is for sure one of these diamonds or emeralds. After viewing this only for the first time about a week ago with a few beers and some sustenance, I had to choose something for my note taking works to be fulfilled. My Amazon Instant Video watch list is pretty full of weirdo cult movies and blood soaked morsels for me to cleanse my nerve filled optics with, but the cover art for Demon Wind captivated me-and I acted. Everything about this flick is a very solid 4/4 with no extra notes or busyness-I just wish that the overall tone of the picture was just a tad less straight and I think that this would be a near perfect horror piece that should occupy some shelf space. It really is that fantastic as the plot is pretty dark with all of the witch burnings, black magic and satanic imagery-special effects (all practical) are truly superb and I loved every bit of the demon makeup (although in 4k it all looked really cheesy) along with a pace that never pulls the viewer along or tries to push them ahead, culminating into an excellent classic terror flick bellowing from 1990.   

A picture of Jesus, some family photos and a voodoo doll. Makes sense.

Damn George, how much vanilla yogurt did you eat?

Sweet. A skull full of worms.

It's not essential to see Cory naked. No, really. It isn't.

Dell is a fag-shoot him.

She probably didn't know her former boyfriend was Count Vlad Tepes Dracula either.

Karate kick beer can!

Paul McCartney wears lip gloss.

A little movie smog never hurt anyone. Well, now Dell is dead. I'm not always right about these things you know.

There is one main way I can recommend this to you zits and zombies-just go on Amazon Instant Video and enjoy it. Demon Wind was recently released on blu-ray as well so hopefully besides the way I watched it that will be the other way blood fans will happen upon this film. There is a scene that is pretty funny where one of the jocks is karate kicking beer cans to try to impress everyone. That was pretty great and I feel like that is definitely a classic moment that must be shared by everyone. Kind of like the "pancakes" scene from the original Cabin Fever. If you just cut that part out and posted it somewhere out of context, everyone would gravitate towards it and wonder "what the hell movie is this from"? And there's the potential following. Either way that you consume this film is perfectly okay. Just don't get caught up in some strange mess of medieval magic. That's going to get your house burnt down.  

Monday, March 19, 2018

Night Of The Dribbler


The easiest and most painless way that I can describe the level that Night Of The Dribbler sits at in the cult/horror world is this-If you've ever opened a can or a bag of Cheetos and immediately started rummaging through said container on a quest for the biggest, sexiest, cheesiest piece you can find... that's where were at. Oh, and before I really get into this here zits and zombies-the killer in this flick actually looks like how he does on the box art. That mask is real. It's absolutely ridiculous and shitty, and it honestly surprised me on some occasions with how well it worked in this really wooden world of dumb jocks, teens, teachers, cheerleaders and radio host for the basketball games. Even though you could tell that this film was thrown together on a weekend with $100 and all of the random teenagers the crew could possibly find, Night Of The Dribbler was still charming in it's half-assed personality and cringe worthy prose. I never really fully figured out (nor did I really give two shits) if this film ended up like this on purpose as a parody or satire of some kind, or these nincompoops just wanted to paste together a terrible cult movie for the sake of pasting together a terrible cult movie. Either way in all normality, this should either be in my horror purgatory section or on the back burner for my top five worst of the year in November-but somehow I found this piece of dried turtle toilet waste to be entertaining in spite of the fact that every single joke, kill and line housed in this offering to be fucking lame and abysmal.

Yeah-stop fooling with those balls.

"Dick Air Head"-oh man. Where's my cyanide.

I love blondes in leopard print mini skirts.

The game announcer looks like a picnic table grew a mullet.

This is the most ridiculous sub-plot I've ever heard.

How convenient that she has a gambling problem.

Now I really know how planking got started.

All of these losers need haircuts.

Becky is hot. You know what to do.

Ref, listen-shoot me with that shotgun next time. Please.

That mini-organ is more valuable than anything else in this entire movie.

   I can't recommend this to any of you zits and zombies. It's not worth your time. If you're in the mood for a really, really low budget teen comedy mixed with some of the most bottom of the barrel acting, jokes, dialogue, characters and killer all wrapped up together in a ham and cheese wrap that has started to grow mold on the inside in your fridge-take a bite. I dare you. Night Of The Dribbler is for those of us that have plenty of experience with knowing what we are getting ourselves into and have had food poisoning in the past. We have been through these things. If you haven't, you're better off just watching American Pie or Porky's again for the trillionth time. At least with those classics they don't feature an overwhelmingly annoying sports announcer that looks like he cut his blazer from your grandma's picnic table in the backyard, rocks an amazing mullet and switches up his voice acting every couple of minutes. That actually sounds kind of fun. I'm quitting my day job. 

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Lemon


My third and final rental from the library was Lemon, and truthfully a lemon this is not. I'm probably the only person on the entire planet that is going to make this comparison, but the entire time I was slamming down some notes to put this post together, I felt like I was watching a very dark, adult version of Napoleon Dynamite. Yeah. Even if you disagree with me there are plenty of similarities-except there is no Summer Wheatly or Pedro to fill in any comedic voids or relationship awkwardness. Lemon is filled to the brim with the latter, and there are all sorts of weird selfish acts and heated mental breakdowns from our protagonist Isaac including him flinging a strawberry cake that Michael Cera's character brings to his house for a nice dinner and conversation. Right in his face. Alex gets very upset and leaves a voice message on his answering machine blurting out things about "calling the cops" and "you need help" as well as calling Isaac a motherfucker-which I actually found to be pretty funny. The actual act of having the cake thrown in his face was pretty great as well. I found this cult indie flick to be on the artsy side while somehow still dipping it's toes into some pretty heavy dark comedic waters as you get to witness Isaac slowly sour into a socially inept, well... lemon. 

Everything is vintage.

This is totally me after work. Except for the self urination.

Michael Cera is the new Gene Wilder. We need a new Gene Wilder.

Jesus, 15 burritos? Pregnant women can eat.

Isaac is trying to tell you that it's not about you-it's about the audience. Make them feel it.

Such a complicated relationship. I am intrigued.

I think Isaac is about to break.

Gotta get your break somehow. Might as well be a commercial for Dignity Diapers.

Jealousy really makes things darker, doesn't it.

Holy shit man-kill the woman's spirit why don't you.

All families are dysfunctional, but this is pretty dark and over the top.

Pretty much right around the scene where Isaac loses it and throws that cake at Alex is when he just starts unraveling. You can tell he is completely lost and doesn't know what he is doing anymore, and even though that type of character is supposed to have some sympathy connected to them, it's almost impossible with Isaac. He basically tells his girlfriend of ten years that she is worthless and he fell in love with her because he felt sorry for himself instead of her (which is absolutely brutal on all accounts) thinking he could never find anyone besides her. He also still feels like a failure because his sister is pregnant with another child and his brother also has kids and his own business while he pretty much has nothing. Lemon is a very interesting and personal spiral that from what I got out of it was this-be happy with what you have. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Besides, you don't want to be socially sour do you? No. You want to be awkwardly sweet.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Better Watch Out


On my endless perennial quest to find great Christmas horror flicks, Better Watch Out has been a curiosity on my list since the end of last year. I randomly saw the dvd and blu-ray of this at Walmart while my wife and I were shopping for gifts, and the cover art caught my eye. Honestly, there really isn't anything special besides how colorful it is, but it just looked like a great Christmas horror flick. It's all about marketing people. I kept this film in the back corner of my mind up until last week when I was at the library. I rented this out along with Hell Night and another dark cult film titled Lemon. All three of these pictures are fantastic for their own reasons, and Better Watch Out has a twist that makes it as unique as it is insightful-a great combo that I wasn't expecting. Another fact that I absorbed while watching the "making of" documentary was that this is an Australian horror flick. All of the actors are straight up Aussie, and their performances while dropping their accents are flawlessly superb. I couldn't have asked for a more solid cast for an indie of this caliber, and it just added to the overall quality of the final product. Luke is fucking insane. Why are you friends with this guy? 

What a happy snowman. I knew it wouldn't last.

Pot-socks? Yes!

Why not bone the babysitter and get stoned?

Luke is so freaking neurotic.

It's a spider. It doesn't have to do anything wrong. It's a spider. Kill it.

I never had this much game when I was twelve.

Seriously-people still have land-line phones these days?

What a spacious attic.

Umm... slapping Ashley down the stairs was highly unnescessary.

Well, Luke's character has taken a fucking dark turn.

Every twelve year old is evil, but this is a whole other level.

"Luke needs therapy" is an understatement.

  If any of you zits or zombies are into home invasion fright flicks, Better Watch Out will quench your thirst. Except the twist about thirty minutes in or so makes it a little bit more original and different than what you would expect. That's what makes this such an amazing watch and the acting is very real and intense-all of the younger, main actors in this film are going places. They all have bright futures and I truly got sucked into the atmosphere and dark situation that proceeds because of that. Superb indies come only a few times a year (well maybe more than that, but for continuity sake) and Better Watch Out is a must own for holiday horror freaks and home invasion fans alike. Just don't go near Ashley. Luke will probably blow your damn head off.    

Monday, March 12, 2018

Hell Night (blu-ray)


I need to start going to the library more often. If the branch of the public library is going to start carrying such Scream Factory goodies as Hell Night on blu-ray, then they are just going to end up being another source of films for me to rent, consume and spit out readily for another horror fiend to come along. This was one that I kept seeing random ads for in various places online before it's release, and the very last place that I thought I would have found a copy was most definitely the library. Slopping down notes for this film while drinking beer and thinking about how I rented this for free was the pinnacle of my days off last week as Hell Night pulled itself up into my personal ranks of being qualified for occupying another empty space on my shelf where all of the rest of my blu-rays reside. Up until I watched this a week ago, really the only film I had ever viewed starring Linda Blair was the original Exorcist. I never paid much attention before, but in this picture she is hot. And I mean sexy hot. Looks aside though, Linda has always been able to act her ass off and is a great lead female in this film, and I do now consider this to be an 80's horror classic. I can't believe that I had never seen or even heard of Hell Night before randomly seeing it online or getting it from the library. See-I did learn something while I was there. And I didn't even have to read.

Scream for one helluva party!

Making out in cars is an American tradition.

Dammit Robin Hood, that's not how you pour a beer into a stein!

Cool story bro. Let's get into the house already.

Hot 80's chicks want to keep me warm? Offer accepted.

Right in the ass with an arrow-Robin Hood, what aim!

 Joining a Frat doesn't build relationships for the rest of your life-it turns you into a fucking douche-bag.

Oh man-off with her head!

It's difficult to be scared of a guy that has a fake parrot on his shoulder.

As hard as those beds look, I'd rather sleep on the floor.

Hey Pete-this really was a Hell Night. Thanks for setting it up.

What you get with this slice of the 80's is this-two female pledges and two male pledges want to join this Frat house. So they attend the party at the beginning of the film, get semi-wasted and whatever else people do at parties, and then everyone (literally everyone) from the party gets into their vehicles completely sloshed and drive up to the Garth Manor. The president of the Frat is telling everyone the story of the Garth family killing themselves and each other and all that craziness. And of course, in order for the four pledges to become members they have to spend the entire night in the Garth Manor-and the next morning, they're in. That's it. Of course there's sex, alcohol, dumb college humor and Linda Blair boasting some amazing cleavage. Seriously. Couldn't keep my eyes off of it. Even if you're not completely a horror fan, I'd say any zit or zombie would get a kick out of Hell Night. But if you are, it just makes it taste all the more sweeter. Hotchka. Wayne, where's my pea soup? Aw, forget it.