Saturday, August 22, 2015

Home Sick

I always find it fun to blind buy a Synapse title or a Bill Moseley title because you really have no clue what to expect. And since this is both, I really didn't know if I was going to be into it or not but with the healthy additions of the lovely Tiffany Shepis and buckets and buckets of gib and some hardy brutal death scenes, you're in for a fantastic ride. I'd say my one and only complaint with this indie gore fest is that Bill Moseley's character "Mr. Suitcase" really should've been in it for much, much longer. 

Some gore and lesbian hookers.

"Would it be alright if I peed in your mouth?"

Bill Moseley is the shit.

Deicide, Morbid Angel, Zyklon, Soilent Green, Nile... I love all of those bands!

With that suit and bow tie, Mr. Suitcase looks like a demented Bill Nye the science guy.

So, is this where the band Bush got the idea for the album "Razor blade Suitcase"?

Looks like mom is dead.

I know Candice is on cocaine, but goddamn she has some serious issues.

Hammer Smashed Face!! 

Tim took bowling lessons for what reason exactly?

Now that's how it's supposed to look when someone gets chopped in half!

An arsenal that Left 4 Dead would be proud of.

Once again, I just wish Bill Moseley was in this film just a little bit more and I think it would be even better than it already is. Home Sick is fun, twisted and gory from start to finish and if your a fan of anything that I've mentioned about it in this post, go get a copy. The trailer doesn't do it justice. I watched it after I watched the movie and I'm happy to report that it doesn't really reveal a whole lot that happens in the movie. And that's fantastic. Who do you hate? Well, no one right now. Unless you don't like Home Sick.  

Tetsuo: The Bullet Man

I looked up some info about what Tetsuo: The Bullet Man derives from. And apparently it's a manga in Japan. So that's that and I don't care much for that. But I found out that it was a manga after I watched this flick and now it makes much more sense as to how off Tetsuo is. Apparently it's the third in a trilogy as well with the other two being Tetsuo: The Iron Man and Body hammer. Am I wanting to watch the other two after sitting through Bullet Man? No, not at all. I'd say about 98% of this film is shaky cam beyond shaky cam and quite frankly, it gave me a fucking headache. The story and concept are pretty cool, but all the frantic shaky cam just killed it for me.

The most run down doctors office I've ever seen.

He looks kind of young to be this guy's dad.

His son was run over because....?

Your wife has a point son. It's time to Frank Castle it up.

Is he changing into a giant machine or something?

Anthony blasted that car into swiss cheese motherfucker!

Finally, he's changing.

Everything is more fun with an underground cavern!

Mitsue was in on it as well. I'm not to surprised I guess.

Anthony can't even kill himself. That sucks.

I pretty much said everything I wanted to say about Tetsuo: The Bullet Man in the beginning paragraph. The story and concept are cool enough, but the editing and the cinematography just ruined it for me. If I could actually tell what the hell was going on during the film, I probably would have enjoyed it a lot more. As it is though, the only thing I'll continue to enjoy with someone named Tetsuo in it will be Akira. Good day. 


Treevenge (short)

Treevenge is a Christmas horror short that's only about 16 minutes long. And what a 16 minutes it is. The way it was filmed and edited really reminded me of the all encompassing grindhouse throw-back style that's been popping up here and there lately. Mainly, I immediately thought of Hobo with a Shotgun when the title card came up along with the main music for the short and I was pretty excited and a little scared at what I was about to watch. But this short film delivered and I was in no way disappointed.

The opening has that good old 70's grindhouse setup to it. Tree montage included.

These guys are pretty hellbent on chopping down trees for Christmas!

Damn, I should be a lumberjack! Tree cutting must be that exhilarating! 

Even if trees were alive like this, would it really be that bad to be a Christmas tree?

I guess instead of human trafficking, this would be tree trafficking?

Tree rape?!

Well, I'm certainly impressed with the amount of gore in this!

"Its Christmas, I just want to fuck!"

Baby head smash, holy shit!

That ending was brutal, unexpected and unprecedented. I was completely not expecting what happened at the end to be at the end, but it actually tied it up nicely and quickly and it was all it needed. If you want something short, sweet and brutal to watch this holiday season, there's no reason not to check out Treevenge. Grindhousey killer Christmas trees. Santa better watch out this year.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Bible Belt Slasher Pt.2: The holy terror

You're probably reading the title of this post and saying "where's the first Bible Belt Slasher?" Don't worry. The original short simply called "The Bible Belt Slasher" is on the dvd as an extra and I'm glad it's there because it shows the beginning of James Fry getting pissed off and going to kill some teens while ripping pages out of his bible and quoting scripture (it's sort of his M.O.) and leaving them there with the dead bodies of his victims. What's the difference between all the wars that have been waged in the name of God and James going ape shit and killing sinners? Honestly, I don't see one. But that's not the point. The point is Bible Belt Slasher 1&2 are both great for what they are and they have plenty of gore for a blood freak like me.

  There is some blatantly bad 80's hair and fashion going on here.

"It's about fucking time. A greatful dead concert doesn't even take this long." I like Rebecca already.

I kind of like that it took 10 minutes to get to the opening credits.

Man I love all these movies lately that have movie rental store in them.

That's one big ass candy cane.

If Rebecca is making soup, that has to be the worst soup I've ever seen.

Every single person in this movie is ugly. 

"It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a dead bitch!"

This music video is smothered in 80's cheese! It's so damn bad!

Is this guy Hannibal Lecter all of a sudden? Or Mike Tyson?

There's nothing like a good disemboweling right in someone's front yard in broad daylight.

  This is one that was reviewed by the almighty mrparka on youtube. That's also how I found out about Nostril Picker. Anyway, I actually did like the short and the full length film. I thought for the budget that was to be had, it was a pretty solid production. If you can get past the oppressively oaken acting and some of the weird edits here and there, you have a pretty solid throw back horror flick that's sure to please fans that are into that sort of thing. And 80's slashers. And gore. Plenty of gore. Actually, there's pretty much no nudity. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but it really didn't need it. Now, go read your bible you sinner. 

Fear Clinic

I didn't know that this film was derived from a web series of the same name until after I finished the movie and started watching the behind the scenes clips on my dvd copy. I'm going to have to look that up online when I can and get into that because I'm sure that the web series probably is as just as interesting as the film itself. But it won't have Corey Taylor. Or Robert Englund. But who cares. It's still probably be awesome. The idea behind this whole series and movie is pretty interesting. A therapist invents this thing called the "fear chamber" and he can use it to guide his patients through their fears and phobias so they can't and won't be afraid of them any longer. I like that concept. It's something I've never heard of in a movie before.

 Totally immersive exposure therapy through this machine that connects to the fear sector of the brain. Very interesting.

Well, I'd jump if an imaginary gunman shot at me with an AK out of my closet as well.

 Is that Corey Taylor?

The doc looks terrible... how long was he in that hot tub?

"Sexy bitches are my favorite kind of bitches!"

Fear waste? What?

Damn doc. I thought you would make it.

Blake's getting angry son.

Corey Taylor, jamming to Slipknot, on a cassette tape in his car. It can't get any better.

Sarah got Blake to talk. Awesome!

For a stick figure, Kaley has a pretty rockin' body.

That twist with Blake was interesting.

Most of the time, I can see twists come way before they happen in a movie. Not this time. I actually didn't expect what happened to happen and I can't tell you. If you're interested in seeing this flick, go buy the dvd or blu. I don't want to ruin it for you because that would just take all of the fun out of seeing this film. Do it for Corey. Do it for Robert.


The one and only time I've ever seen this movie before watching it this past weekend was way back when I was a junior or a senior in high school. And it was at a "friends" house by the name of Kyle. That's my two reasons why I pretty much didn't remember anything about this movie except that it had Michael Richards in it. That's it. But I found out recently that Amazon Instant Video is streaming it and I decided to re-visit this cult gem again 14 years after the fact, and I'm pretty damn glad I did. This film is an enormous riot and you can tell just how insane and overactive Weird Al's imagination really is. That's what makes his music so great. That's also what makes this movie so great.

That must be Simon Belmont's whip, not Indy's!

The best Temple of Doom parody ever.


MMmmmmm, a twinkie weiner sandwich.

I think it would be cool to run your own tv station.

Fran Drescher is fucking sexy. I don't care what anyone says.

Kramer before he was Kramer.

Spatula City is the shit!

The music video for "The Ballad of Jedd Clampett" kicks ass!

How the hell can you go wrong with Wheel of Fish, Stanley Spudowski's Club House and Secrets of the Universe?

Find the marble in the oatmeal?! Genius!

 I'm so glad that this was recently released on blu-ray. I have to buy this at some point. There's no way that I can't own this movie. It's just to wild and wacky to not have a copy of. If you've seen this movie and didn't care for it, then shame on you. Go back to school to learn how to have some fun. Life is hard enough without people like you. I'm buying a share from Stanley Spudowski. Here's my ten bucks.

Monday, August 3, 2015

Blood Slaughter Massacre

I bought this dvd purely on a whim. 100% blind buy. I did not see any clips. I did not see the trailer. I had never even seen or heard of this before at all when I randomly found it on Amazon. This movie truly did live up to the 80's throwback style that it was trying to go for. I thought it worked. The characters, the acting, stupid parties, horny teens, alcohol, loud music... the list goes on and on. I thought it was very well put together and I hope that the crew that made this film a reality does another one. I loved every second of it.

I love halloween parties where everyone has the cheapest, worst costumes of all time.

Divorce? This chick looks way to young to be divorced.

Her entire back was ripped open!

She's got a cassette tape walkman. Now were getting somewhere!

This hair metal douchebag needs his ass beat.

Drinking on the job. What kind of a detective are you anyway, James?

Either this coroner dude is a massive red herring or he's the ripper. We'll find out soon enough.

Holy shit, a video rental store full of vhs!

What the fuck is wrong with this guy?

I know this scene is supposed to be somewhat serious with James getting suspended and all, but that mustache and wig are laughably fake.

What happened to the camera while filming this scene??

Now it's getting personal.

The film almost came in at 2 hours. If it would've made it to 2 hours, it would have been way to long. Even at 113 minutes, it still felt like it was to long in some scenes, but looking back on it, it was necessary because the different sections of the story needed to pan out for the movie as a whole to work and I'm so glad it did. It was worth the blind buy for sure. If you're into old school slashers like Freddy and Jason and the mainstream ones from the 80's, you will adore this movie. I thought it was great. Now go buy it before the ripper shows up. And wear a terrible halloween costume while you're at it. 

The Nostril Picker

The name is what makes it. Hell, The Nostril Picker isn't even the real name of this particular film. The real name is The Changer. I think that's kind of boring. The Nostril Picker just sounds more obscure and weird if you ask me. It attracts the people that would want to see this flick and maybe some horror/cult noobs that have never heard of it. I didn't hear of it until recently when I watched a review of it by mrparka on youtube. It sounded interesting and quirky. So I did a blind buy a couple weeks ago at the infamous disc replay I keep mentioning in my various posts on here. Does Joe really pick his nose in the film? Well, yeah, he does! It really doesn't have anything to do with anything in the movie at all, but it sure is fun going around telling people you own a movie on dvd called The Nostril Picker. I love collecting these films.

 Joe likes stalking teenage girls. This is a formula for disaster.

That cop wasn't to firm about taking Joe in.

Wow, Joe's apartment is pretty shit-tastic.

Dancing around, chanting really stupid voodoo noises and whistling London bridge is falling down apparently turns you into a teenage girl.

Sweet ass, the girls locker room. Pedo undercover.

This schoolin' song is terrible... and yet it's stuck in my head as of now. Damnit.

  You would think there would be more of a reaction to your fingers being cut off than staring at your hand.

Joe isn't completely alone. He has his blow up doll.

Cannibals are always hungry, aren't they?

Quite possibly the most unattractive hooker ever-wait it's a guy. Never mind.

I watched this dvd twice before I decided that I wanted to take some notes and write a post on it. This movie is just fun. There's a lot of weird shit in it like why does Joe have two penis shaped squirt guns in his apartment? The world may never know. I don't want to, and neither should you. You should however buy and watch a copy of The Nostril Picker. It's my pick of the week. Dear God that was horrible.