Secret Santa review with my friend and special guest Geoff of the Gcap Recap

 

I wrote an actual review for this a number of years ago here on the Cinema Slayer site, and for Christmas this year I wanted to revisit it to see if I still enjoyed it as much as I did the first time around. I actually think I liked it more this time as now I feel like this is a Christmas horror flick that should be absorbed by any and all fear fans that are into this sort of ruination of the holiday spirit. Secret Santa is certainly far from perfect, but even with it's intrinsic flaws, it's an amazing piece of grinding and killing all-the-way. Geoff and I point out multiple times in the video that Carissa is a hottie bad girl, Olivia is a garbage cook and Nicole is a really adventurous camgirl that has a simp following. Even before that really was a thing. Those guys really are some sad motherfuckers.

Cocaine and caffeine aside, Secret Santa shouldn't be a secret.

The gore and kills are really well done, the comedic timing of certain situations and Dwayne in particular are hilarious and there really is an ending here that I didn't see the first time I watched this and completely forgot about the second time. Zits and zombies, if there is any Christmas horror you're going to bother with towards the end of the year (in between opening presents, getting wasted and stuffing your face) make sure you keep Secret Santa in your back pocket. As a secret-or not. It's really up to you. Thanks again Geoff of the Gcap Recap for providing his beautiful voice to lend a hand in reviewing this one for the holidays. Much appreciated, son. Now I need to put my Santa suit on to scare my daughter. I love being a dad.  

Freddy's Nightmares-my first foray into reviewing a tv show

 

Like I said at the beginning of this video, I'm not one to really watch a whole lot of tv. My main substance with any kind of video violence are shitty horror and cult movies, particularly the ones that most people haven't heard about or don't give two good shits about. Either way, now is as good a time as any to start diving into the Freddy tv series from the 80's, especially since it seems like there's a wave of Youtubers and reviewers in general that are starting to gravitate towards reviewing episodes of some of their favorite shows and shows that no one seems to be talking about. It really doesn't seem like anyone has done any episodic reviews of Freddy's Nightmares because I looked high and low and the only thing anyone has ever uploaded about it are overall series overviews and random uploads of episode promos and trailers. 

That's really it.

So since I have every episode at my disposal, I decided it's my duty to watch and review the entire series and do episode reviews one by one. It's going to be a monumental task to go along with my huge list of movies I still want to make videos for, but I'm trying to stay busy-besides watching and raising my daughter of course. So stay tuned, zits and zombies-Freddy's gonna get'cha.  

Hard Hunted-My next Andy Sidaris Review

 

My journey into the world of Andy Sidaris films continues with the somewhat mediocre entry titled Hard Hunted. That doesn't mean that it wasn't enjoyable to sit through or that it's the worst of the bunch, but compared to the others, Hard Hunted was kind of lacking-primarily in the pacing department. The overall flow of this thing was a lot slower than some of my favorites from the man, and there were plenty of spots that drug harder than a queen in the middle of downtown New York on a Sunday night. Jesus, that's kind of rough. Maybe it didn't drag that damn hard, but I think you know what I mean zits and zombies. Parts of Hard Hunted are really slow and can put your ass to sleep.

It does bring it all back however with gorgeous women, perfectly perky boobies and objects expending their stored energy via loud noises and kinetic heat. In other words, lots of things blow up.

The plot of Hard Hunted is simply that some bad guys want this fake jade buddha statue that encapsulates a nuclear trigger with which they can control the entire planets nuke payload. Like I said in my video, let them hit the red button-who cares. The jade buddha statue honestly looks like I could go buy it from Five Below or the Dollar Tree and that's probably where they got it from for the movie. It's also complete with some of the worst gun fights in the history of cinema, a smoking hot blonde that out-shoots a supposed secret agent, a long winded scene where Dona Spier literally empties the chamber of a hand gun, takes it apart, puts it back together and then points it in the guards face so she can escape where she was captor to. He just stands there and watches by the way instead of trying to stop her. Really intelligent. Maybe Hard Hunted wasn't that bad after all. Ah, who am I kidding-they all basically have the same qualities. This one just sits more towards the bottom. See you zits and zombies soon after I motorboat Roberta Vasquez and Cynthia Brimhall.