Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Dinner's Here! (2016)

Zits and zombies-you have to know about these releases on blu-ray! Lionsgate Entertainment is bringing back Vestron Video from the 80's with the first three releases of Blood Diner, Chopping Mall and Waxwork/Waxwork II! These are collector's editions loaded with extras that any of you gore hounds will be salivating over! Hotchka!

Arrow Video will be cutting out Driller Killer and that means we can all enjoy Tony Coca-Cola and The Roosters in 1080p! Kick ass!! "It's time to rock n' rolla with Tony Coca-Cola!!"

And now, the grand finale- the coup de gras. The blu release that Pavlov has been ringing that bell over for the last couple of days. My number one favorite horror distribution company Camp Motion Pictures is putting into print the greatest slime/grime horror flick of all time-Slime City! It will be on blu-ray, not only that but it will also include it's sequel Slime City Massacre ! I can not wait for all of these to hit cyber shelves on their respective release dates so I can waste precious money to add them to the collection in my dusty ass basement! 

(They all can currently be pre-ordered on Amazon or their respective distribution websites. I did not get paid to write this post, I just did it because I'm excited about these titles and as a horror fanatic, you should be too.)

Monday, August 29, 2016

Shedding Skin/Changes

A lot of things have been changing as of late, and I've been bombarded and forced to comply. But, of course it's always a good thing to shed my skin once in a while. If I don't, I lose sight-I lose focus. And no one wants that. I will get back into collecting, watching and writing, I just need some time to get adjusted to my new work schedule (yes, I have started a new job as of last week) and I am working during the day indefinitely. That will surely give me more time during the week and the weekends to watch, write and scour the tremulous wastelands of the Chicago-land area looking for more gems to add to my ever growing horror collection that resides in probably the dustiest, most cob-web filled basement that any of my closest family and friends have ever sulked down into. Well, that actually might be going to far, but I think you get the point. 

The point is, change is inevitable. It isn't always good, but you can't stop it. In this case, it ended up being great. And I'm glad I can actually go to bed and wake up at a normal time. 

This cinnamon pecan cake is pretty damn good. Shit. I got crumbs in the keyboard.

See you soon. 

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Aaaaaaaanold movies!: Terminator 2 - Judgement Day

Let's be real here - is there anything about Terminator 2 that any of you guys really need to know about?? This is, hands down, the greatest fucking action flick ever committed to celluloid. Period. There is no need for an explanation, no need to elaborate, no need to expunge on any details... it's the biggest blockbuster of 1991 and it destroyed in theaters raking in $519.8 million with only a $100 million budget. If the end really does come about in such a way as it does in this film, take my $9 for a seat - I'm pumped.

Body Count: Amazingly, if you pay pretty close attention to who is actually doing all of the killing in this movie, I really should have done this post about Robert Patrick's character in this film (the T-1000) instead of Arnold playing the Terminator, because the only actual kill he has in here is the T-1000 itself. 

Character Name: The Terminator/T-101

Quotes: " I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle."

"I'm a cybernetic organism. Living tissue over metal endo-skeleton."

"Because you told me too."

"He'll live."

"Come with me if you want to live."

"Chill out, dickwad."

"Hasta la vista, baby!" 


"Stay here, I'll be back." 

"I need a vacation." 

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Dude Bro Party Massacre III

I'm kind of speechless with Dude Bro Party Massacre III at this point, but I will say this-it's stupidly entertaining. Seriously. Hot college girls, an overabundance of kills and gore pulled off by Motherface (yeah, Motherface) some of the most ridiculous characters and acting I've probably ever seen and a pretty dumb scene towards the end where all of the dead bros' spirits go into Brent for a final showdown against Motherface. He then turns into a Hulk-like character and beats the shit out of her and steps on her about 20-30 times in a row until she's literally part of the ground. What a way to go. What a film to watch. It never felt out of place or over done though as I was entertained and laughing pretty much the entire way through because of how fucking off the wall this thing is. The best part is the little random commercials in between certain scenes and just the over the top gore make this a very solid and comical experience for any horror or cult film buff out there. Delta Bi!

   Pool side party with beer!!

Larry King!?

My head explodes when I attempt a Rubik's Cube too. 

Motherface. Ha.

Ollie over a fat guy.

Derek looks like an over-tanned, faggoty duplicate of Kevin Sorbo and Lorenzo Lamas after they had experienced the Brundle Experiment.

Pizza Goblins!

Turbo freaked out because of a plush puppy. Wow.

Patton Oswald!?!?!?!!!?

   Turn the dude bros back into bags of oranges.

Jesus Christ. I never thought I would see Andrew W.K. ever again. Especially in a film like this.

 "Someone murdered all the beer!"

Motherface tapped your brain.

Here's the basic equation to equal Dude Bro Party Massacre III: take a movie like American Pie, add a ton of gore and people getting killed, toss in a serial killer named Motherface, dumb down the humor even lower than it already is, dirty up the print to make it look like an old ass VHS tape, cut and paste some really random fake commercials in between and that's basically what you end up with. You can even switch out American Pie with Van Wilder and it would be about the same. Take it from me, zits and zombies-you only go to college once. Well, twice maybe. Have the best 4-8 years of your life. Just don't touch any of the Dude Bros noses. They're really bags of oranges.  

Friday, August 12, 2016

Aaaaaaaaanold movies!: Total Recall

Author Phillip K. Dick was way ahead of his time. I've actually never read anything from him, but I can say one thing- if Total Recall is any indication of how intricate his writing is, I should probably get into it. His imagination is fucking wild. Especially since this film is based on a short story called "We Can Remember It for You Wholesale" that he wrote and had published in April of 1966. Again, Phillip was waaaaaaaaayyyy ahead of his time. Total Recall is really no different. I remember watching this one on VHS a lot when I was growing up and just always being amazed at the setting, the mutants, the chick with three breasts, it taking place on mars... there's so much futuristic tech (at the time) in this flick that watching it back in 1990 was kind of mind blowing. And the whole idea of going on vacation without actually going on vacation is something that honestly might be headed our way with all this VR business that's going around right now. I'm personally not that into it, but a lot of people are. Recall your memories at Rekall.

 Body Count: It's significantly lower than Commando at 35, but in reality Total Recall isn't about Arnold killing people, it's about the overall plot and setting. Even though he has some pretty hilarious and creative kills in this one, it's about him saving the people of Mars from Cohaagen, not blasting everyone. 

Character Name: Douglas Quaid/Hauser

 Quotes: "Talk! I said talk!"

"Nice knowing you."

"Who are you?"

"Sue me, dick head."

"Be careful. It's my head too."

"Get your ass to Mars." 


"I've got five kids to feed." "Take them to the dentist."

"Relax. You'll live longer."

"Well, if it's my delusion, who the hell invited you?"

"Consider that a divorce."

"Who is it this time? My mother?"

"Come on Cohaagen, you got what you want. Give those people aeyeaaarrr."

"Screw you!!"

"You think this is the real Quaid? It is!"

"See you at the party, Richter!"


Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Monster Man

Just like any other horror (or otherwise) film studio that has existed for however many years now, they always find a way to pump out their own indie movies to make money on the side. Lionsgate Studios is no different. Jack O Lantern and Monster Man are two of the in-house movies that they have made, and they are honestly better than you could ever expect. The idea behind Monster Man is kind of stupid and outlandish, but it works and it keeps you entertained because of how polar opposite the two main idiots act in this film. The main guy Adam even looks like a down-syndrome version of my former boss. That tickles my funny bone too. The initial time that I watched this film was when I borrowed it from my horror pal Steve Carpenter about a year ago or so. I borrowed it along with Jackhammer Massacre, which is another indie, in-house horror flick from the brilliant minds at Lionsgate. Whenever I get around to grabbing a copy of that, be sure to look for a post on that film. It's a once in a life time experience that you'll never forget. 

   Everyone spits up cherries jubilee when their head gets crushed in a vice.

That was the gayest version of Jason I've ever seen.

When did Richard Karn get his ears pierced?

Adam is a complete wuss.

 Velcro much?

That's one helluva monster truck!!

"I feel like we just played drop the soap with Godzilla!"

Rosebud. Rosebud. Rosebud.

Gotta be the nastiest public restroom - EVER.

Yeah. Pee inside the guy's monster truck. That's an awesome idea.

Stop putting the pretzels in your ear. Just stop.

Do payphones even exist anymore?!

And... the loser of the two wins! Wait - they're both losers.

If you want to explore something else that Lionsgate has put out besides the Saw franchise, start with Monster Man. It's seriously a great time and it gets kind of weird and dark around the last 20 minutes/half hour when you find out where the guy in the monster truck lives. It's quick, it's unsettling, and there is actually a decent amount of gore in the final act as well with all the stabbings and nose bleeds and everything else that happens. Let's put it this way, the description on the front of the dvd case that states "Jeepers Creepers meets Duel in Texas Chainsaw country" is honestly pretty accurate as far as I'm concerned. You just have to throw in a really hot blonde named Sarah and two dumbass leads named Adam and Harley and you've got Monster Man. What a great time to be un-employed.   

Box Set - itis: Chucky The Complete Collection (blu-ray)

I have pretty much zero familiarity attached to the Child's Play franchise, except when I was in my younger days I did watch the original and Bride of Chucky. I remember watching Bride one night when I spent the night at my friend Wokas' house when we were in 6th or 7th grade, and we went to a video rental place in Bolingbrook (RIP) by the name of Sona Video. Damn, I wish that place was still there. I remember somehow getting away with renting Bride of Chucky that night. His mom was always cool with those sorts of things. My mom would never let us get away with craziness like that. Anyway, we watched it when we got back to his house and we pretty much made fun of it and tore it apart the whole time. Neither of us liked it or really gave a shit about what was going on. Hell, we didn't know what was going on anyway except for when Jennifer Tilly was on screen. That was probably the only time either of us ever payed any sort of real attention. Bozongas. Yowza. Anyway, now that I have the entire set on blu-ray, I can watch all of the films from beginning to end and see what I've pretty much been missing this whole time. I know the original is a classic. Christopher Sarandon? C'mon zits and zombies!  

Price I paid: $47.99

Where did I find it?: Best Buy (Joliet, IL)

Print: Universal/MGM

Run#: The pen is royal blue. Stop waving those love melons in my face, Jennifer. I'm going to get hurt.

Movies included: Child's Play1-3, Bride of Chucky, Seed of Chucky, Curse of Chucky

Is it worth it?: I'm sure if you've been a die hard fan of Chucky since the 80's, then yes, probably. It's always a fun time when a studio is able to put out an entire franchise they own into print for it's fans to purchase, and this isn't any different. I'm just excited that I have it to spend some time watching the whole series from beginning to end and see if I'm a Chucky fan or not. 

Final: If you've been a fan of this series after all these years and have always wanted them all in one spot, now is the time. If you think about it, 50 bucks isn't to bad considering there are 6 films in this set. And if you want to pay less than that even you can always opt for the dvd version. But why do that when there is a blu-ray print? Some people are just to cheap for their own good. I'm off to watch Jen Tilly's breasts bounce around. Catch you zits and zombies later.  

Saturday, August 6, 2016

Aaaaaaaanold movies!: Commando

This is my first post for Aaaaaaanold movies! where I will put the body count (if it applies) of how many people Arnold kills in said film, his character's name (because a lot of them have the first name "John" for some very un-creative reason) and all of the main quotes and one liners that he spews through out said film that made me laugh or that I have fond memories of repeating back when I was younger when I first saw the film, or even now re-watching it. It's all in good fun and it's something a little different than just writing about horror all the time, even though that's mainly what Cinema Slayer is all about. Let's Party!

Body Count: An unbelievable kill count of 83 piles up in Commando. He only kills 5 or 6 people up until the last half hour or so, and then when he pays those terrorist assholes a visit on their island where they're keeping his daughter captive - he goes ape shit and blows everyone to pieces. My kind of action flick!

Character Name: John Matrix. See, I told you. The very first one and we already start with a "John". I can't wait to see how many more movies his character is named John.

Quotes: "Right?" "Wrong!!"

"Why don't you have Bennett do it? Sounds like something he would get off on."

"Fuck you."

"I'll be back, Bennett."

"You're a funny guy, Sully. I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last."

"Remember Sully when I told you I would kill you last? I lied."

  "What did you do with Sully?" "I let him go."

"I eat green beret's for breakfast. And I'm very hungry."

"Fuck you asshole!"

"C'mon Bennett, let's party!"

"Let off some steam, Bennett."

Friday, August 5, 2016

Box Set - itis: Halloween Complete Collection

To be forthright with all of you, the Halloween franchise really has never been my favorite. There are plenty of great and not so great films and characters that fill up the ranks of Michael Meyers' kill score sheet, but the series honestly just has been all over the place over the years. It makes it kind of confusing and hard to follow, and that doesn't help it's case. That doesn't mean that I wasn't hoping for a complete collection, however. Just to have all of the films in one spot so I can watch them whenever I want is a real treat, and maybe it will make me more of a Halloween fan. Whether you get the 10 disc set (which is more of a bare bones set) or the 15 disc set is wholly up to you. I opted for the 10 disc set as I said- I'm not a big enough fan to spend the extra cash for the bigger box. And the smaller set fits nicer on my shelf with the rest of my blu's anyway.

Price I paid: $24.99

Where did I find it?: Amazon (US)

Print: Anchor Bay/Scream Factory

Run#: 10,000 with some whipped cream on top. Stop torturing me, Krysten Ritter. You're to hot for you're own good.  

Movies included: Halloween 1-5, Curse of Michael Meyers, H20, Resurrection, Rob Zombie Halloween 1&2

Is it worth it?: Even if you're not a hardcore Halloween fan, yes. It is. And stop bitching about Halloween III. It's better than you think it is. Watch it again. You'll love it.
Final: Just buy the set. Even collector's that aren't into Halloween all that much have spent the extra money to get the 15 disc set. Each disc has it's own black blu-ray case, and it's very sleek looking. I, on the other hand, went for the 10 disc set to save space. John Carpenter probably cried a little bit, but that's ok. He's on tour right now playing a bunch of his music from his movies so he at least has some kind of distraction. I just hope Krysten doesn't bother him to much. 

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Box Set - itis: The Fly Collection

Growing up with a father that had probably the biggest VHS collection I can recall, the remake of The Fly with Jeff Goldblum had been a movie that I did watch quite often. I actually never knew until about a few years ago that the David Cronenburg version of The Fly was actually a remake. Shame on me. Both ways. I have this box with all three original fly films in it starring horror icon Vincent Price, and I still have yet to watch any of them. I think what made the remake so damn good is the atmosphere and the tension the main characters have within the context of the movie. If you've never seen it, now is the time. Hell, now is the time for me to start watching the original films. I've got time and energy for days. So does a fly. Although I'm not to keen on eating poop and puking on my food before I eat it. That's just wrong. And wrong. And wrong.

Price I paid: $14.99

Where did I find it?: Best Buy (Bolingbrook, IL)

Print: 20th Century Fox

Run#: I can never figure this shit out. 2%4**777&&)()(=+_=---+=

Movies included: The Fly, Return of the Fly, The Curse of the Fly, The Fly Collection Disc of Horrors

Is it worth it?: I haven't watched anything from this set as of yet, but I'm pretty sure it is. The films feature Vincent Price for Nosferatu's sake.

Final: Whether you've seen the remake or not, or even seen the original or not, this box feels like it needs to be on your shelf. Period. Just based on the fact that The Misfits wrote songs about these movies and that they star Vincent Price. That should be more than enough for any of you rotting bastards to spend $14.99 on a box with 3 films and a bonus disc. I hate the smell of Raid. 

Tanked Announcement/Aaaaaanold movies!

Zits and zombies, I have some disheartening news that happened upon me last week... I was let go from my job. I know, I know. It hurts. Actually, no, it kind of doesn't. The place that I was working at for the past 2 1/2 years was slowly churning it's way into a cesspool of greed, favoritism and piss poor business ethics. Oh, the management was God awful as well. Needless to say, I'm pretty happy I don't have to deal with that place anymore. It was mentally and physically draining to the point where I just didn't have the energy to do much of anything except drool into my pillow when I went to sleep after working for about 11 hours on my feet moving heavy ass motors and air conditioners by hand. So, ultimately I say thank you for firing my ass. Now I actually have the time to spend with my wife and our two dogs. Even though I'm not making any money at the moment.  

Now that that is out of the way, I have a couple of more posts left to do in my Box Set-itis series that I still haven't completed yet and then it's on to another series I've been wanting to do called "Aaaaaanold movies!" where I will basically watch a movie that has Arnold starring in it, and just write a post consisting of my thoughts on the film along with his one liners there in. Easy peasy. I have the list all ready for you zits and zombies, and yes, I know. It's not horror related. I'm still going to post about horror in between. I promise.

Aaaaaaanold movies!

The Terminator
The Terminator 2
The Terminator 3
Terminator Genysis
Total Recall
True Lies
Red Heat
Raw Deal
Collateral Damage
End of Days
Batman and Robin
 Jingle all the Way
 The Last Stand
The Last Action Hero
Kindergarten Cop
Conan the Barbarian
Conan the Destroyer
Red Sonja
Running Man
Pumping Iron