What a behemoth of a film to end October with. Especially on Halloween night. This, zits and zombies, is how a re-make is done. You take the idea from the original, you twist it into something a little bit different, and amp everything up to eleven. Seth Brundle has been conducting experiments on teleportation. He's so close, he can almost taste it. Seth makes a believer out of Veronica after a science collaboration party when she comes with him to his lab to get her story for The Particle. Trash mag. He teleports her stocking with no glitches, but he needs more. He wants to be able to teleport living organisms-human beings. Animals. They have sex, eat breakfast, and conduct an experiment on a baboon. It gets turned inside out. But Brundle's got it. He knows what to do. After his success, he tries to teleport himself-and a fly gets in the way. If you don't know what happens after that, you really, really need to watch The Fly. It's a roller coaster that you won't be able to get off of until it's over. And it's such a messed up and sad ending that you'll probably want to watch the sequel right afterwards. It's pretty gross that flies puke on their food before they eat it. That will stick with you for awhile.
Sunday, October 30, 2016
As far as heavy metal horror goes, I'm always excited to watch one that I haven't seen yet. Unfortunately, my smile ran dry on this one. I know, I know. I'm going to get stabbed for this. Rocktober Blood has it's core fans, and that's fine. Every horror and cult film does, no matter how mud covered and briny the film is. But, there was just something missing from the over all package of Rocktober Blood. I really don't know what it is either. I want to love it, but I just can't. I felt like the kills were lazy, the story was kind of meh and there were just to many lens flares. My God. I don't really know if that was on purpose or not, but it was a little to much for my taste. I want the cinematography to be clean-not like I'm looking into the sun every other scene. The music in here is excellent, however, and if I ever run across the soundtrack, I'll probably buy it. If you're interested at all in metal horror, start with Trick or Treat or Black Roses. So Billy doesn't come back.
Watching Children of the Corn IV was a little different this time. My fellow garbage collector Steve Carpenter watched it with me (we a few hours prior went to Buffalo Wild Wings, with my wife for food and the Cubs game) after we came back to the house. I think it was actually more enjoyable with a second person because this one is just kind of there. It's part of the series, but it just mills around waiting for a curious fan to watch it as it sobs in the corner. Because I think it's mostly ignored. As expected, once you delve past the third entry, no one cares. And I think that's what happened here. No one cared. The one scene we both laughed at and questioned was when one of the doctors at the hospital gets cut in half with a blade sticking out of the front of a hospital bed. One of the possessed kids attaches a blade to the front of a hospital bed, rides it down the hallway, and chops the dude in half. Brilliant. What's not brilliant is just how this movie trudges. The pace gets slow at times and you kind of just want it to end. But even great franchises like Children of the Corn can't be fully cooked all the way. Should've kept it in longer. That's what she said.
Friday, October 28, 2016
For what it's worth, I have always thought that Scream 2 was the best out of the four. I really don't know why. They're all great, but for some reason I can go back and watch the second movie in this franchise over and over again and it just never gets old. I also dig the homages that Wes Craven slid in here for a couple of the character's names as well- "Cotton" and "Loomis"... Hellraiser and Halloween anyone? Well, if you don't catch these right away, you need to brush up on your shit. Time is running out and October is almost over for this year. Don't disappoint me. Honestly, my favorite bit in Scream 2 is the opening scene where the Rialto is packed with people to see the horror flick affectionately titled "Stab" which is based on a book that was written about the events that happened in the first Scream film. Clever. Watching a bunch of dumb teens in the Ghostface costume running around like idiots pretending to stab each other is just fun and silly. And you know it could only get better from there. Jada Pinkett gets what she deserves. Just saying.
Thursday, October 27, 2016
Once you're dead, that's it. Sometimes dead is better. Or more like, once something is dead, leave it alone. I really don't think that any pet or relative would really love the idea of coming back from the dead once their gone, especially being dug up and re-buried again in a different spot to be resurrected. That's just to much damn work in my opinion. Stephen King is always a master at story telling, and Pet Sematary is no different. He even plays the priest at the funeral in the movie after Gage passes on. I just need to read the book now to compare because that's what I do. I'm sure it's just as good, if not better because, well, in a book, you can stamp as much detail as you want with no limit. Watch out for those shiny eyes in the dark-Church is watching.
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
In my early years of starting this horror quest, I remember one of the first things I looked up on Youtube to try to start compounding a list of movies to buy was "gory horror movie trailers". Or something like that. The first trailer I watched was for a movie called Cannibal Campout, and it looked wicked. Like it was made for me. Calling my name. Straight up killing, gore, and gut-munching. There are however, no zombies. Just three really dumb brothers that live in a forest looking to kill campers that are passing through so they can have dinner. It does plod a lot in certain spots, and really the only "joy" I was able to cull from Cannibal Campout was when the main people were getting hacked up for barbecue. Sorry Mortician. I stole that from you. Gore and dismemberment aside, there are much better and entertaining SOV's out there compared to Cannibal Campout, but I could just say that this is a good first step to ween yourself into the genre if you so desire. It's a small world after all. If you don't get it, just watch the movie.
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
It says it right on the cover-"It takes all kinds of critters to make farmer Vincent's fritters." The one tag line that anyone that has ever seen this film ever remembers. And for good reason. For Farmer Vincent's fritters, it really does take all kinds of critters. Such as that weird ass garden comprised of people that he has crossed paths with and has decided to add to such proceedings to be curated and turned into meat for his jerky. And whatever else he sells as "fritters". This film really is an all out imitator of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but really, it's more of it's own thing. I've always been kind of thrown off by the scene where Vincent uses that hypnoist-ray-thing to keep the people in the garden subdued so they don't try to escape. He's got it all figured out-he even takes out their voice boxes so they can't talk or cry out for help. Ingenious. A true cult classic in pretty much every aspect of the word, Motel Hell is a cult horror classic that must be viewed at least once by even the most curious. The final scene with Vincent wearing a pig head and wielding a giant chainsaw is what this shit is all about. Sweet Onion Teriyaki, please.
Monday, October 24, 2016
Sweet, juicy, and chock full of vitamins c, a, and cheesy jokes-how could you go wrong with the sequel to one of the greatest B-Movies of all time? You can't. Return of the Killer Tomatoes stars a very young George Clooney as a guy who makes pies at a pizzeria, and John Astin (who played Gomez in the original Addams Family) as Dr. Gangreen. Now that's a hilarious last name. It's just as lame, just as dumb, and just as funny as the original Killer Tomatoes, except Dr. Gangreen has figured out how to make the tomatoes shape-shift into whoever they want. All with some toxic waste. And some awful music played on a walk-man that looks like someone took a Viewfinder and turned it inside out. The best scene in my studious opinion is when the two main guys are in the pizzeria and cowboys, ninjas, a black dude that is dressed like Gaddafi and Uncle Wilbur all show up at once and start beating the shit out of each other. It's a scene man. I feel juiced.
Sunday, October 23, 2016
I still can't figure out what Earth Girls Are Easy has to do with horror. It has nothing to do with horror. I would categorize it more as a cult film than a horror flick because it has somewhat of a Rocky Horror Picture Show flair about it. It's silly, it features Jim Carrey, Jeff Goldblum and Damon Wayans as the aliens, and there is a lot of relationship and sex talk. A lot of Charles Rocket cheating on Geena Davis as well. It's sort of an amalgamation of a musical, romantic comedy, and extremely light sci-fi melted together into a Busch league tasting patty melt. You enjoy it while you're eating it, but after you've taken the last bite, it just leaves a stale, cheesy, oniony after taste in the back of your mouth that leaves you reaching for a piece of Trident. You'll probably never go back to that diner again because there are better places you live by that are only a few minutes away rather than "trying that new place down the street. They have burgers and beer". This is the one and only time that I'll probably ever watch Earth Girls Are Easy. Unless I'm in the mood for that greasy, fake meat.
Here at Slaughter High, you can get an education in stabbing, slicing, dicing, or melting a woman in a bathtub! Scholarships and Grants accepted! Best four years of your life until Marty takes revenge on you for pulling that nasty prank on him on April Fools Day! Get his hopes (and dick) up of getting laid by a smoking hot brunette, only to take pictures of him while he's completely naked and embarrass the shit out of him in front of everyone? Why would he hold a grudge about that? If only you could graduate valedictorian for ruining a fellow students life and reputation. Well, looks like your going to be held back another year. Give the teacher an apple this time you self centered prick.
Saturday, October 22, 2016
There are less than ten kills and pretty much no terror in Terror At Tenkiller. I'm going to sit here and wager that about 95% of this movie is just the main characters talking, swimming, changing in and out of their bathing suits, fishing, boating, eating at the diner and lots of other pad-worthy activities that add up to two separate but very mediocre categories: grinding and boredom. The film focus' way to much on Leslie and her annoying ass boyfriend constantly calling her all the time to say really weird, stalker type shit over the phone, and in between all of that you get a dinner plate full of under cooked noodles, chicken and broccoli. With no white sauce. Jesus. The last ten minutes of Terror At Tenkiller consists of three of the most sluggish, un-imaginative, un-inspired kills that ever existed in a horror flick. My two dogs could direct a better ending to this flick than what was put down on the celluloid of this fecal displacement. Now I remember why I've only watched this movie once-I drink to forget.
Thursday, October 20, 2016
The original Frankenstein is my favorite Universal horror monster, mostly because I identify with Frank's qualm. Right to the heart. He's an outcast. A misfit. Everyone is afraid of him because "he's different". No one understands him... and that's why he's so loved and revered by the horror community. As a horror fan and collector, people that I've told about my hobby act like that towards me which is pretty similar and childish at the same time. So what? What or who am I harming by being a fan of Slime City instead of The Hunger Games (that shit is boring by the way. Don't ask me about it.) Slime City makes me smile. The Hunger Games makes me want to fall asleep. We all have different tastes and opinions, and that's mine. So you can shove it, main-stream media. Hollywood is trash these days, and I won't stand for it. C'mon, Frank. Let's go hang out with Boris and go get some Snickers. I'm sure he needs to get out the house for a while.
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
With the very sad, recent and disheartening passing of The Godfather of Gore, Herschell Gordon Lewis had made a career out of making some of the most bizarre and bloody cult flicks the world has ever had the pleasure of digesting. I had to put one of my favorites from him on my list this month, and The Wizard of Gore is considered by many of his die-hards to be his all time masterpiece. I don't know if I completely agree with that, but it is one of my favorites by him, and watching it on blu-ray makes it all the more joyous. Plenty of guts and gore are in store for you, all presented by none other than Montag the Magnificent! as he does a new show every night for a week, killing beautiful women in the process. What a magic trick. Pull a bunny from a hat? Guess your poker card? No, no, no. How about sawing a woman in half with an electric chainsaw or putting a metal punch press through another one's stomach right before the audience. No filters, no tricks. He'll make you disappear. For real.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
"Hi, I'm Brother Fogg!!" If that doesn't get you in the spirit to watch The Abomination, nothing will. Although, just reading it here without actually hearing that southern twang that Brother Fogg has in the movie kind of takes some of the punch out initially, but you could redeem yourself with all of the stupid dialogue and gore if you really wanted to. Placing The Abomination next to other SOV flicks kind of shows you where it stands among the rest, and it's not a bad place to be. Except, I don't really like how within the first couple of minutes you see every kill and gore scene right away, so it kind of spoils itself without you putting any effort into it. Makes me sad a little inside. It does bring it all back though with a pretty great scene of The Abomination devouring Brother Fogg while he sits down on the toilet. That is worth the price of finding this obscurity somewhere online to watch. A physical copy is pretty tough to come by, and finding it online is almost just as difficult. The lesson I learned from this film: Televangelists are greedy. Remember that kids.
Monday, October 17, 2016
Wishmaster 2 is more of the same from the first one without really being the same at the same time. Whew. I hope that didn't deter you. The sequel starts not to far in the future after the original ends, only to have you see some dumb criminals break into the museum where the statue that contains the crystal with the Djinn in it is located. I keep creating these mouth-fulls. One of the burglars gets killed, the Djinn comes to life from the gem, he grants the pilferer his wish of never being born, and then he goes to jail because he's the first person the cops see when they show up. More gore, stupidity and hilarity ensues just like the first offering, and whenever I watch a Wishmaster film, I get the same lame sense of entertainment as any one of the numerous Leprechaun movies. Both franchises kind have the same comedic tone imbued in them. Don't know why. Oh well. Be careful what you wish for. Again.
Sunday, October 16, 2016
If it were possible to setup a boxing match between The Outing and Wishmaster, I'd set my money down for a 1-2 knockout from Wishmaster. Compared to the former, Wishmaster is darker, gorier and just more brutal overall. Right from the beginning, there's a guy that has his skeleton come to life without his permission and rip right through his skin. Literally. The special effects for this scene are pretty detailed and graphic, especially to start a film with. But, you have to set the tone right from the get-go. Don't let go. The list of horror actors featured here is nothing to balk at either- Robert Englund, Kane Hodder, Andrew Divoff. Great line-up that formulates itself into a hearty mold to create a delicious, if overly cheesy, fright flick that's sure to get you to think about your own three wishes. Be careful. You just might get it.
Saturday, October 15, 2016
I guess you can say that this might start off as the horror version of "Han Solo getting stuck in a block of carbonite" because that's how Hellbound: Hellraiser II ends and Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth begins. Some artsy-fartsy bastard sells one frozen Pinhead as an art piece to some self-ish, asshole club owner that thinks it looks cool. He gets all the hot chicks, the money, the alcohol, the cars- everything he can get his hands on, it's his. Even trading pain for pleasure. Or vice versa. Not today bro. Not to-day. Once you mess with that Lamentation Configuration, it's over. What's your pleasure, sir? A piece of key lime pie and a Zima, please. Hold the fish hooks for my nipples. I'll get to that later.
Friday, October 14, 2016
The Maestro Dario Argento has done some amazing horror and giallo films over the last few decades, but nothing will ever beat the rhythm and tempo of his master-work Deep Red. Giallos' are a sub-genre of Italian cinema that I really have never bothered to give a solid go, but Deep Red just gets everything so right that you'll want to plunk your ass down and watch it at least a couple of times a year to derive that warm fuzzy feeling from it as if it were your first time. Like a virgin. Jesus Christ. Being a pianist is tough. Especially when you're trying to get ready for your next gig and you witness someone getting hacked with a hatchet and no time to save them. Then, down the rabbit hole you go trying to figure out who the sicko is. Have fun.
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Frank Henenlotter has given the horror and cult communities some great material over the years. This includes all three Basket Case films, Frankenhooker, and above all, my personal favorite of his- Brain Damage. I really do dig this movie as it touches on some serious shit even though it makes fun of everything in a very over-the-top sort of way. Mainly drug abuse. It's hidden there under the surface. You just have to look hard enough. I don't know what Brian is going to do with all of those brains? I know! Feed them to Aylmer! That's the ticket! Ready for an acid trip? You better be, because you're not coming back anytime soon- Hotchka!
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
Every time I sit my fat ass down to watch Christmas Evil, I get this warm, cinnamon like feeling down in my gut. Maybe it's because there are plenty of family moments in this film that counter-balance what's going on with Harry mentally, as he is going off the deep end to become one of the most fucked up Santa Clauses' in human history. I mean, one minute he's giving presents to kids at a Christmas party, and the next he's stabbing some guy in the eye with a toy solider and burying his candy striped hatchet in a woman's head. There's no telling what Harry is capable of, especially when he covers his face in mud and proceeds to kiss the side of Moss Garcia's house. It's kind of perplexing. It's also perplexing that Patricia Richardson is in the movie as Moss' mom, and she slaps him in the face for being a brat and "ruining her one night out". I know this doesn't sound like a movie that anyone would want to watch for Christmas season, but trust me, it's better than it sounds. You know you want to give Harry some milk and cookies. You know you just want to.
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
A supposed (and classic Italian) zombie flick is always a great watch, especially when there are scenes involving a woman's eye being stabbed onto a jagged piece of wood when trying to escape the grasp of the un-dead and people being eaten and eviscerated before your very eyes. Lucio Fulci wanted this to be a sequel to George Romero's brilliant zom-basterpiece Dawn of the Dead. It's not quite that, and it really just carries the torch in title only. That being said zits and zombies, this must be watched by all of you this Halloween season. I'm getting hungry for some brains. Let me see if there's still some propane left in my tank for the grill. Give me a minute.
Monday, October 10, 2016
I have some fond memories of my initial viewing of the original SAW film. My girlfriend at the time and I went and saw it in the theater. She was really into horror movies back then, and I wasn't. I could've cared less. When we walked out, she loved it, and I didn't know what to think. I will say this though- this shit gave me nightmares and paranoia for quite awhile. I kept thinking that some asshole in a pig costume was going to jump out at me from my closet while I was sleeping or some stupid shit. But more importantly, back then I just didn't get it. I didn't really understand what the point of this Jigsaw guy was-capturing people and putting them in these "games" as they were. I mainly thought that this film was put out there just to mess with everyone with it's gore and brutality. And I'm sure I am half right. But the other half is because it actually holds a pretty solid story that unfolds as the sequels were released, up until about the third or fourth movie that is. Then it just gets kind of messy. I highly recommend the original SAW for it's gore, story and overall creativity. Just keep the lights on when you're done. You'll need that key.
Sunday, October 9, 2016
This was only the second time viewing the all-master silent classic Nosferatu, and it's a horror requirement. If you have never seen it, look it up online somewhere and invest the hour length of time that it takes to get to the end. I'm not one for silent films, but this one nails it. It doesn't even matter if it's in black and white, everyone in every generation that's into horror needs to see it at least once. Now I just need to see the re-make. Yes, I actually want to see a re-make. The original is on blu-ray as well, so if I ever want to bother upgrading, I can do so. This symphony of horror still sings, no matter how far along it ages.
Saturday, October 8, 2016
Move along. There's nothing to see here. Decoys 2 is pretty much the same lame ass movie as the first one except Tobin Bell is in this as a biology professor at the college it takes place at and the chicks are different. They still gave me a boner, but that's not the point. The point is that Tobin Bell couldn't save this puke-covered sequel even if he tried, let alone adding in the fact that even though the females in this flick are even hotter than the original, I still would rather shove this dvd in a plastic grinder to recycle it and have it be re-formed into water bottles to be sold at Walmart or Aldi. Ugh. I'm glad I drug me feet through these so I can watch something more decent tomorrow.
Friday, October 7, 2016
I was already aware of this before watching this again tonight, but Decoys is frustrating. It tries to hard to be a little of every genre of film all at once, and it never really achieves anything beyond having really attractive college chicks "acting" in a "horror" movie. I put the word horror in quotes because it's true. There's nothing remotely scary about Decoys and I know the whole point is for it to be light-hearted, but come on... I devised a better plot for that crappy Sonic the Hedgehog book I wrote back in third grade that I received a C- for. I'm really not wanting to watch the sequel to this tomorrow after I come back from Champaign, but I will anyway because it's on my list for October. I'm going to need a stiff drink.
Thursday, October 6, 2016
This cheese-ball has two names: The Outing and The Lamp. They're both lazy, generic and boring, but they both work because I really don't know what else this fright flick could have been called when it was first released. This isn't your love-able Robbin Williams genie from Aladdin. This is straight up evil Jinn shit that is hell bent on killing you and granting your wish... even if it's not a well intended one. There is a big Chopping Mall feeling to it as well, except it takes place in a huge museum with teens that shouldn't be there partying after hours while in the former film it's teens partying in a huge mall after hours. Kind of different, but kind of the same all in all. I really don't know if I would want to party in either of those locations after closing time, but for a teenager looking for a good time, any secluded area away from adults and authorities makes for a good time. Oh, there's a scene where a punk-ass tough-guy wanna-be shoves his ex-girlfriend into a locker in the middle of school, he proceeds to get punched right in the face and a teacher flips his ass over with a pool-cue looking writing tool in front of everyone. What a great fight. Wish I would've had some popcorn. Come at me Jinn. There's my wish.
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
Moving into a new home is difficult. It's even more difficult for Graham Krakowski since he seems to be having a very long winded mental breakdown. Or is he? The Vagrant kicks ass for the simple reason that it's just a very comical and well written psychological thriller that leans on the horror/serial killer side of things. What makes this outing even better in particular is that Bill Paxton plays Graham, and anything that Bill acts in is just superb to the highest extent. Perfect for October. Perfect for Halloween time. Leaves are falling, everything is changing colors, the wind is blowing. People are getting killed. All in the spirit of a homeless guy that can't get a break. And neither can Graham. He even thinks he's sleepwalking at night. If he didn't murder those people, than who? That faucet keeps dripping, and so does his sanity.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
I don't get it. All anyone has to do to enjoy this flick is to remember that John Carpenter wanted to try something different. And failed miserably. Not exactly. You see zits and zombies, I don't think this is an epic fail, but a lot of people over the years that have seen Halloween III-Season of the Witch believe that to be true. Just forget that the word Halloween is a part of the title and you'll have a good time. See? It's not so bad. You just have to get yourself to swallow the fact that you're going to be listening to that damned Silver Shamrock song over and over and over and over and over and over.... I'm getting loopy here. The point is, Tom Atkins is the main guy here and anything that he stars in kicks ass. If you've seen this in the past and shoved it to the side because "Michael Meyers isn't in it" then your just a fuddy-duddy and you need to change your diaper before going to hang out with everyone in the living room. Knowledge is power. Halloween III is better than you think it is. Snickers.
Monday, October 3, 2016
Troll 2 has been officially donned the "best/worst movie of all time". Of course, there is a lot better out there, but in reality, there's much, much worse as well. I find entertainment value in Troll 2 for the simple fact that the level of absurdity is sky high as well as the acting and dialogue being so far down at the bottom it's hard to see what the hell the director and crew involved were even remotely thinking. They were thinking of making the "best/worst movie of all time" that's what they were thinking. And they achieved that dream in droves. I'm proud to own Troll 2 on blu-ray, even though the Nilbog Edition is a huge-ass disappointment. The only extra is the theatrical trailer. That's it. They should have included the documentary and behind the scenes at least. This is still bare-bones, but hey-at least we can enjoy "They're eating her.... and then they're going to eat me! Oooooooooooohhhhhhhh mmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyy GGGGGGGGGGooooooooooooddddddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!" in glorious 1080p. And that's why I watched Troll 2 this October. To rot my brain a little.
Sunday, October 2, 2016
A movie like Misery is just downright unsettling for the simple fact that the situation that the main plot focus' on could actually happen to someone in real life. That's also why grindhouse and underground cult films that are in the "home invasion" category really bother people. It's subject matter and goings on that happen to random people on a daily basis. People are always having their houses broken into or getting killed because of faulty circumstances. That's basically what this psychological nightmare is all about. World famous author Paul Sheldon just finished his recent Misery novel at the Silver Creek Lodge (where he always writes at) and takes the manuscript with him so he can drive back to New York to have it published. On his way back, a massive blizzard starts up and the rest of this fucked up tale goes on from there. I still haven't really figured out for myself which one I like more- the book or the movie. They're both great in their own separate ways, but Rob Reiner did do a good job of following Stephen King's novel as closely as he could. I personally think that's why the book and the movie are swappable for the fact that if you want to watch the movie or read the book, you'll have roughly the same experience without losing to much switching over. If you have never seen Misery, just find a way to watch it. It's a damn classic.
Saturday, October 1, 2016
What a way to start off my entire month of horror for October. Being the eternal black sheep of one of the greatest (and most dis-jointed) horror franchises deserves gold stars in it's own right. It's not easy being chastised as an outcast, especially when you're always compared to the likes of the legendary original Texas Chainsaw Massacre film, but even against it's sequel starring Dennis Hopper it's just downright abysmal. How Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger got roped into this mess of a Texas sequel is beyond me, but I know right off the bat they would rather forget it. It's difficult to really understand what's even happening in this movie as it plays out, what with Vilmer's robotic leg, massive box of remotes that somehow all control it (even though most of the batteries are dead) a douche-bag high school jock that doesn't seem to notice or smell a decaying body in the bathtub when he finds the bathroom and takes a piss. And there's much more added to this vortex of an equation when some random french guy in a suit and tie shows up at the house in a limo, lick's Jenny's face, shows her his weird stomach ring things and walks out. I don't get it. And if you watch it, neither will you. At least tomorrow I have a classic coming up. Can't wait.