After School Massacre

After my recent kick of watching and posting about all three of the Slumber Party Massacre films, I decided to try to find another flick with a similar setup and idea. I already knew without watching this that it was going to be painful. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it was going to, but it came very close. After School Massacre is either a sequel, add-on or a rip off of any one of those SPM movies... and it just falls so short. It never really flourished outward with the same energy, humor, kills or young enthusiasm as any of them (especially the second one) and it just felt to overdone with the stupid teeny drama and cell phone abuse that has oh so become second nature in our society these days. What a drag. Not really. Like I stated, I didn't expect to much, especially with box art like that. I should've known better. Akin to any of the other slasher shit that's out there, of course, the main draw is cute girls having sex and getting killed. Except this one involves some douche named Luke trying to bang all of the girls one by one (he's the only guy at this party for some reason) lesbian truth or dare and a kill with a fucking mailbox. Sound interesting? Not quite.

Dancing, teenage chicks in their underwear. Me likey.

Killing yourself over an ex is just fucking dumb. I'm sorry.

Is this intro a rip off of Napoleon Dynamite?

Can you blame your teacher for stalking you online? You're a pretty hot brunette.

I'd like to pour some pumpkin spice creamer all over you.

 Snappin' and stabbin'.

Ms. Perkins is ooooooonnnnnneeeee plastic biotch.

  Steve?! This clown looks like Snoop Dogg and Coolio had an illegitimate son together.

  "Touching up your landing strip?" "No, I'm shaving my pits!"

Killed with a mailbox- another yard appliance death.

Nobody sees these jackasses in the window??!?!?!?!   

Lesbian truth or dare. Now were talking.

"I let my ex lick my butt hole." Ok, that's enough.  

Apart from the pointless context and dialogue that all of these characters have with each other through out the movie, the ending has to be the stupidest thing. Ms. Perkins leaves to go on a date with Coop Dogglio towards the beginning/middle-ish time in the movie, and then you don't see them at all until right at the end when she's giving Coop head while he's driving. They run over her daughter, they don't care and... that's the end of the movie. Wow. By the way, I forgot to mention zits and zombies- the music sounds like a cash register puking all over a keyboard. Or midi controller. Even if the only reason you want to watch this is to see some cute teenage chicks in their underwear, just go watch some porn. You'll feel better when you're done.