The Dead Don't Die (blu-ray)

Just from the opening scene with Bill Murray and Adam Driver in The Dead Don't Die, I could already feel that this was going to be an extremely dry, slow burning effort from a director that I'm pretty sure I've never seen any of his other films from. The attitude and nonchalance from Cliff and Ronnie (Murray and Driver) doesn't lend any sense of depth or urgency really to anything that takes place in this zombie flick, especially later on when they start coming upon people who have already been eaten or dismembered in some way. They make a stale joke that really doesn't land, shrug the discovery off and kind of just move on like this shit is normal somehow. It's kind of bothersome and just made the film drag even more than it really should have. There are a few funny moments that actually caught me off guard and made me laugh like the scene towards the beginning with Steve Buscemi wearing a "keep america white again" baseball hat (which we all know what double meanings there are there) in which the waitress asks him if he wants some coffee and he responds with "I can't drink that stuff anymore. It's too black for me" with Danny Glover sitting right next time him. It's a stupid racist joke, but it made me laugh because I didn't expect it for some reason. Beyond random little scenes like that and the zombie make-up and cinematography, there really isn't a lot to find here that's entertaining zits and zombies. A lot of setups with side characters go nowhere and I kind of just felt like all of these people were stuffed into the first half to have reasons for the second half of the movie to exist-which, of course, is the zombies coming to life and eating people. Because of the arctic poles being thrown off and making the earth come off it's axis I guess. 

Bill Murray is looking old.

 Hermit Bob likes raw chicken.

Daylight savings always messes up the time. I can't stand it.

Those are some pretty big ant hills.

Did they... just break the fourth wall or am I going insane?

What's worse-"keep america white again" or "make america great again". You decide.

Tasty, tasty toadstools.

Ah, the days of gun racks in your living room.

Of course the new undertaker is Tilda Swinton. Why am I not surprised.

  Even zombies love coffee.

How shitty does an energy drink called "energy drink" really taste?

I never realized that Selena Gomez had such a great ass.

  Your first clue are the graves with the gigantic holes in front of them.

 There isn't really anything left for me to touch on in terms of The Dead Don't Die. There is a strange sub-plot where Zelda (Swinton) is Scottish and she's also some crazy master swordsman who can behead anyone or anything with ease. And she gets picked up by a ufo right in the middle of a huge group of zombies and it zips away. No explanation, no results of this happening-nothing. She just gets picked up and Murray says "I always knew there was something weird about her". And that's it. Move on to the next scene. Zits and zombies, if you need a zombie flick to quench your thirst, The Dead Don't Die will leave you high and dry because it's parched itself. With a massive cast like what this thing has, you would think this would have been a pinnacle in at least some sort of horror comedy, but it isn't. It falls very short and very flat, and I can't really say anything beyond it being a purgatory movie. Once is enough. Now I need to practice my Buddha-samurai sword skills so maybe a ufo can come grab me off of this rock.   

Mandy (blu-ray)

Mandy is love. Mandy is hate. Mandy is rage. Mandy is revenge. Mandy is drugs. Mandy is a trip. Mandy is an amazingly psychedelic horror flick that was released last year which I completely didn't pay any attention to. One year late is better than ten and this really is, in my solid opinion, Nic Cage's best. Seriously. He really doesn't have much dialogue in the overall 121 minute run of this magnificent opus of gore, payback and completely destroying a cult individual by individual-and he doesn't need the dialogue. What happens in this world of narcissistic assholes showing their penis', logging, chainsaw fights and LSD laced scenes of awkwardness comes Red... all guns blazing, fueled by absolute vengeance, alcohol and the smallest dose of the strongest mind-altering drug that I think I may have missed the name of to conclude this beastly endeavor of cinematic proportions. If I saw this picture last year, I'm pretty sure this would have been my number one or two pick at the top of the list. This is an expertly crafted film about Red and Mandy who live in their home together in the middle of the woods in 1983, minding their own business. A fucking psychotic cult named The Children of the New Dawn ends up bypassing their house while Mandy is out in the woods for a walk and some inspiration to work on some new art, and of course she catches the eye of the cult leader, Jeremiah Sand. They decide they want to kidnap her and they summon their cenobite-wannabe biker junkie friends to get her while they are sleeping and tie Nic Cage up with barbed wire. Jeremiah basically drugs her up and tries to brainwash her into joining, but she laughs at his micro-penis in front of everyone in the cult, and then they dispose of her. Horribly. And let Nic Cage watch. So now the revenge begins.

I want headphones playing Kreator in my ears when I'm dead.

 Nic Cage can do anything. Even be a lumberjack.

     King Crimson are among the prog rock greats.

 Maybe I should have dropped acid before all of these weird colors came up.

Dead deer appear in nature all the time.

What the.... who tells kids it's okay to kill baby birds with a crowbar?!

Well, if it isn't a van full of shifty looking motherfuckers.

Is that the ocarina of time from Zelda?  No, it's the ocarina of summoning junkie biker bitches.

There's all kinds of weirdo cults out there.

Dammit, why does an insect have to be involved? Kill it with fire!

What do I see? I see a fucking fruitcake who lives in his mom's basement that wants to believe he's a cult leader.

I just want to see Nic Cage come and shoot the place up or burn it down. Either way-this dude needs his.

I really have only pointed out the basic scenes of what really takes place in Mandy, because this is a special film that needs to be experienced by anyone and everyone who is a revenge flick fan, a Nic Cage fan and a horror fan. The cinematography is superb, the really trippy looking colors that are implemented in specific ways to make you feel high whether you actually are or not and the very spaced and ominous score truly elevates this thing to a whole new level. Zits and zombies, I have never seen a movie that has looked like this EVER, which nowadays is a goddamn achievement because it really shows that there still are new and fresh ideas out there that no one wants to touch because they're to much of a risk. Hollywood and the people that fit into it would rather play it safe with film these days because it makes them money-but I would rather have stuff like this come out that brings the art side of things back to the forefront to make everyone realize that it's tired and boring to keep vomiting up the same shit over and over again. I keep hearing about the remake of the remake of Black Christmas. Yeah-time to pray to the porcelain god.