Right upfront, I did not grow up with really anything to do with The Garbage Pail Kids. I do remember there being a film and a cartoon when I was a kid, but my focus was usually He-Man, Batman, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Thundercats and many other various shows that I was glued to at that time. This brand eluded me for many, many years until I rediscovered them while working at DSC in Champaign. Of course my friend Steven had the GPK hardcover book that had come out around that time and it was basically a history of the kids, the entire collection of the original print run of the Topps trading cars in photograph form, and some bonus collectible stickers for your enjoyment. He let me look through the book for awhile and I was amused and fascinated by the idea of a gross-out version of the Cabbage Patch Kids, which would of course appeal more towards boys than girls. I eventually discovered that there was a full length-live action GPK movie, and with my interest already piqued from looking through the book and learning about the various ridiculous characters that were brought to life on the trading cards, getting a copy on dvd and watching the film was a goal that I felt like I had to accomplish. It really wasn't to difficult as I found out very quickly that a lot of people absolutely hate this damn movie, and it's pretty understandable why even though I enjoy it because it's a fucking mess. The plot really doesn't feel like it should have anything to do with the kids at all (they are gods at fashion design?? What the...) and there's a duality issue where half the movies focus' on that, and the other half leans towards the bullshit that Dodger has to deal with to try to get between Tangerine's legs. It all comes down to Dodger punching Juice in the face a bunch of times, the fashion show gets absolutely ruined and the Garbage Pail Kids have to get back in the, well, garbage pail.
How could I forget the Topps trading card intro.
Man I miss slime in a can.
That bully chick is Thicc.
"What's wrong kid? You smell like a fire hydrant!"
You've never heard of Pandora? It's a great music service.
A girl like Tangerine doesn't give a shit about buttons.
Seriously? This dude's name is "Juice"? Okay then.
Damn, the Garbage Pail Kids are fucking ugly.
Why are they all watching Dodger take a bath?
It's Juicy Juice and the gang!
The last thing this movie needed was a musical number. Sweet Jesus.
Yeah. Going pee-pee on yourself is hilarious.
I personally don't know how you could possibly be intimidated by a jackass named Juice, but whatever. Tangerine is a dumb name as well, but I guess they were just trying to throw pointless names in there for the other characters to fit along with the likes of Greaser Greg and Foul Phil. In all honesty zits and zombies, even if you have been a massive fan of the GPK trading cards all they way back since they were first printed in the 80's, this film on any entertainment or enjoyment level is absolutely horrendous and I really don't recommend anyone watch this. I personally am fond of it because it's an absurd slice of cinema that I can inhale without any extra fumes, and also because I have been lower than this on the quality scale and lived to write about it. But for the average undead looking for something new in the cult or gross-out section of the spectrum, all I can expunge is just to stay away. You won't make it back to talk about it. Even with all of the pissing, farting, sneezing, boogers and snot, it's not worth it to get a bone-daddy from Tangerine or Juice's other girl Blythe. It's also not worth it to see Valerie Vomit to do her thing only once towards the end. You're better off staying in your own garbage pail instead.
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