Demons At The Door

Another piece of my horror beginnings from Champaign, Demons At The Door was a dvd that I had planned on buying because it was less then five bucks and I had found it at Meijer's. I did not buy it, however because I informed my fellow trash collector Steven Cisna about it and he scooped up a copy fairly quickly for his collection. That weekend when he came over with a bunch of random movies for us to slime through, the dvd of this beast was one of them. The cover really said something to me that almost made me vomit, well, in part because some of the music in this film was arranged by none other than the two dumbest fucks to ever be born-ICP. Yeah, you read that right zits and zombies... this movie contains music "composed" by a fat asshole and a skinny douchebag that wear clown make-up and rap about "Magnets, how do they work?" I can't believe that I actually had to include this shit in one of my reviews on here, but there it is. Moving on from that filth-how's Demons At The Door? Technically, it's one helluva mess. I could have done most of the CGI myself on my PC and it would have looked more realistic, the dialogue is laughable, the ADR is atrocious and there are way to many beefcakes and not enough females. Oh, and the main guy in this movie looks like a hilariously mutated version of David Hasselhoff and Arnold. Yeah.   

The intro makes me want to play Guardian War on the 3DO.

 I wish I could find a dragon-shout in real life.

HAhahhahhahhhaaaa!! The main hero is like a mix of Arnold and David Hasselhoff!

I'm pretty sure that a round from an AK is bigger than a BB!

The Lord Humongous is in this movie?!

Bible mumbo jumbo. I'll deal with it for the plot.

"Here's thirty five cents. Call Ripley and see if he believes this shit."

Why does there have to be music by ICP in here?

This demon looks like it's full of that neon green stuff from the inside of those Ninja Turtle dessert pies.

Damn, the septic tank backed up again.

Yay-more reasons religion is dumb.

Demons At The Door is something I really wanted to like the first time I watched it in Champaign with Steven, and I wanted to like it the second time for this review. But, alas I just can't. The ending is absolutely bat-shit and just makes me wonder where the writers and director wanted to go with this film because it's legendarily off the wall to the point where I really thought I had huffed a can of paint before I pulled this up on Amazon Video. I remembered it being insane the initial time I watched it, but it's even more-so the second time around. Zits and zombies, the angel Uriel needs your help to save the world from Satan... and the best way we can do that is to not watch this movie. Thank you.