If you're a fan of SOV or just completely useless garbage in the cinema world, AGFA and Bleeding Skull! have been doing God's work when it comes to unearthing movies that pretty much no one remembers or has been totally lost to the ripples of time. Their track record so far has been phenomenal including the likes of Heavy Metal Massacre, The Soultangler, Scary Tales and Blonde Death among others-and I really hope they keep this frame of heart and quality up for weirdos like you and I. We need strange films like this in our lives because we don't want to watch stupid mainstream crap like Harry Potter or Twilight-we want to watch movies that have been made in someone's basement for $100 because that's the type of people we are. We want our films to be fun and different. It's not pertinent that we see eighteen year old boys with no shirts on that sparkle and shimmer in the moonlight either. We want them to either be decapitated or burned in a furnace in someone's utility room. Ninja Zombie doesn't deliver any of those examples, but it does however hand off a hilarious script, lower than the dust on your crawlspace's floor acting and some of the greatest choreographed fights between an undead martial artist and some Duncan MacLeod looking dude that sports terrible make-up of a red spider around his right eye. I could sit here and say zits and zombies that I paid attention to what little plot there is here, but in all honesty there's no reason to. I wasn't in this zone for a solid story-I was here to see a zombie with a black belt beat up on members of the foot-clan while eating chicken noodle soup and deep fried mushrooms.
This dirty, full framed print is classic.
Holy shit! Five dollars!
I've never seen anyone get killed by a spurred boot before. It's glorious.
Hahahaa-martial arts are hilarious!
In this corner we have "resting shit face", and over in this corner we have "1980's feathered hair Fonz"-Round 1! Fight!
Sting is an awful tennis player.
Grave robbing... at two in the afternoon!
Watching an undead man with a mullet practice kung fu with a bo-staff is pretty gratifying.
Every urn from now on needs to be filled with Sprite or 7-UP.
Marty Friedman has a cute, zombified sister.
All I have to say here zits and zombies is that you can get away with not even paying attention to what's actually going on in Ninja Zombie. All you need to focus on is the fact that you're going to watch a movie from 1992 that has someone who was a martial arts master rise from his grave, beat the shit out of people dressed up like they are taking orders from Shredder along with a side plot about Jack's fiance' being upset that he was killed. Other than that, have a great time, stay up past your bedtime and give the finger to all the mainstream remakes and reboots that keep cluttering the theaters-these are the films that are truly fun to watch. Maybe I'll have another bowl of soup. I'm kind of in the mood for it.
No comments:
Post a Comment