Saturday The 14th

I might be in the minority when I say this, but I think that Saturday The 14th was slapped together a little prematurely. It was put out in 1981 which was not to long after the original Halloween had taken off as one of the biggest grossing indie flicks of all time, and had even less time before it after Jason Voorhees' mother was killing camp counselors in Camp Crystal Lake because her son had been tortured by similar authoritarian figures that made her snap in the first place. I know that this film and other parody/spoof films like it are supposed to take a genre or particular set of tropes and cliche's and set them on fire by making everything a complete joke-but this offering just really fell flat for me. Through and through. Saturday The 14th banks on the idea that it's a horror spoof. The jokes are fucking lame, Dracula is complete weak sauce and Van Helsing is one helluva massive let down. Even though this was released in 1981, it could have been released in 1991 or even 2001 and it still would have been a damn snooze-fest. I'll be honest zits and zombies, I really wasn't expecting a whole hell of a lot from this flick, and I really didn't get a lot out of it. Like I mentioned before, the jokes are lame and really stupid and I actually don't think I laughed at anything one single time. 

Man-I think some pre-school students animated this intro.

Drac is buying a fixer-upper. That's classic.

  What an inheritance... 3,000 over-due library books and the lawyer giving the whole family the "raspberries".

You don't want to go to boarding school.

Of all the places that Uncle Henry could have left a note before he passed away... he left one in the fridge.

Pick up the lamp you fool!

"Damn owls". Are you sure it was an owl? Your son hit a monster out the window with a book!

I would probably shit in the tub if a random scaly fish-guy just popped up in the tub with me.

Owls? What the hell-those are bats not owls!

I think your butcher is Jeffrey Dahmer.

Van Helsing is supposed to be a badass werewolf/vampire hunter. Not some pasty, nerdy English teacher looking weirdo.

    Besides what I've already griped about in the first paragraph of this review, one of the main things that really bothered the shit out of me was the special effects. Especially the bats and when Dracula turns into a bat to fly somewhere so he doesn't have to walk. Dear sweet God, the fucking bats. They really look like those shitty, cheap rubber bats you can get at the Dollar Tree around Halloween time and the strings they are on are clear as day. I know it was probably done like that on purpose for the comedic effect, but I really didn't care for it. There's also these random goblin things that show up in the house and just start eating everything and destroying everything and I just didn't get what was happening with that. Zits and zombies, if you really want a spoof of any kind, Saturday The 14th is something to just steer clear of. You'd probably be better off trying to track down a copy of Sunday The 15th to watch. Let me know if you do because I can't find it anywhere.