Octopus 2: River of Fear

The absolute best way I can describe this film (while staying positive) is to just be honest to you, zits and zombies. Octopus 2: River of Fear is a car battery made from hard cheddar that I suggest latching your jumper cables onto. When I picked this up at Goodwill last week for a measly $2, I had nothing but the lowest of expectations. I mean, look at the cover. Just look at it. It screams- "my budget was just under $1,000 and all I have to show for it is some meh looking blonde getting strangled underwater by a very cheaply rendered octopus from 1993." And that's actually what you get with Octopus 2: River of Fear. The practical effects that were used in this flick were downright killer as far as I'm concerned, but the CGI, well... yeah. 1993. This is also another indie put out by Lionsgate, and so far with all of the ones that I own from them and have consumed, they really haven't led me astray. This, however, is kind of middle-line. I still actually enjoyed it, but everything about it felt very rushed and very lame. I don't know what it is exactly, but I'm honestly not even 100% sure that I even want to track down the original because this film felt like it could just stand on it's own without the support of a first entry. Even with it being a one-time view show.

    You're drunk. You jump into a row boat. This movie is called Octopus 2. What did you think was going to happen? 

"Hey Nick, what's the best part about being on the scuba team? You can piss yourself and no one will ever know."

How do they have their air tanks on when they jumped in without them?

Psst. The murderer is an octopus. Just a tip.

Homeless people living in the sewers. There's always homeless people living in the sewers.

Working on a barge has to be boring as hell. Until it's attacked by a giant, CGI octopus.

Man. Rachael is a horrible chaperone.

I had a dream that the Statue of Liberty was being destroyed too. Except it wasn't by an octopus. It was by all of the asshole, crybaby Hillary supporters that didn't get their way when Trump won. What a goddamn tragedy. 

Normally I would apologize for splicing a little bit of my personal views on here pertaining to religion or politics or what have you, but I'm not going to this time. When that scene came on towards the end when the octopus (a horribly rendered one) came up out of the water and started tearing up the Statue of Liberty, what I wrote down was the first thing that popped into my head. If you don't like it, it's a free country. We all have our own opinions and beliefs. It's also my personal view that Octopus 2: River of Fear was no where near as terrible as I thought it was going to be. Yes, the acting and dialogue are over dramatized like a boiling pot of fondue that's bubbling over the threshold. Yes, the budget was clearly lower than what people that make minimum wage get per year. So what. Sometimes watching a pocket funded monster flick is all you need to feel good about the rest of your day. Just like instead of eating your veggies, you opt to eat cookies instead. It's bad for you, but it tastes good and you could careless by the time you've had enough. I hope you brought the cocktail sauce. Deep fried calamari is on it's way.