Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Junior (...A cut above) (VHS)


This is another one of those cheesy 80's horror rip-offs that claim to be in the same upper echelon with the likes of Leatherface and Freddy Krueger. It's just not possible. It doesn't even come close.  I kind of got what I expected when I bought this on VHS at Gordyville a few weeks ago for a dollar, and as long as I am thoroughly entertained, I am happy. And that's pretty much how it went down. Junior's main focus are the two main female protagonists, K.C. and Jo, who at the very opening of this film are being escorted out of prison. We don't know why, but it's implied that they are women of the night, and were caught doing some business, so they were thrown in the clinker. Determined to start over and open their own marina, they drive to some small town that doesn't have a name (at least I never heard anyone in the film say the name of it) and they meet the jackass sheriff as the welcoming committee. What a way to start a new life. I fell in love with this film zits and zombies because it's pure Canadian trash. The levels of awful voice dubbing, acting and camera work really make this a hilarious candy and popcorn flick to watch on your VCR-along with the fact that you get to see K.C. pretty much naked on multiple occasions (which is back when Suzanne DeLarentiis was way hot) sided with the imploringly stupid dialogue and even dumber characters make this a great experience for any bad movie fanatic.

Hot 80's chicks in a women's prison. Fantastic way to open, gentlemen.

You drive like shit and you treat women like trash?! Give me a gun!

As a guy, I'm digging all the butt shots so far. Just had to point that out.

I'm sure prison kicked ass compared to this dump.

Sexy brunette with a twelve gauge-count me in!

Luke is my hero. He lives in a house that floats on water, has no job, no relationship and just tends to his plants.

This sheriff needs a good tooth-straightening. Maybe a nice right hook.

I have no reason to complain, but why are K.C. and Jo wearing bikini's while re-shingling the roof?

Junior's mom is a guy dressed up as an old lady. Has to be.

If you really want to track this film down, it gets confusing. It has about four or five different titles, mostly Junior, Junior....A Cut Above, Hot Water, and just being called ...A Cut Above. And there were quite a few distribution companies that put this on VHS back then as well, so there are numerous versions with different cover art to make matters even worse for collectors. Pure and simple, Junior is a Canadian garbage delight. If you want to see some of the worst audio and voice dubbing combined with one of the stupidest horror villains probably ever put to celluloid, then hunt this down. If campy, dumb horror schlock isn't part of your taste bud lay out, steer clear. This wasn't made for you. Oh, by the way-there's a scene where K.C. takes her bikini top off, stuffs it into a bottle of alcohol during a speedboat fight, and lights it off and tosses it as a molotov cocktail. Yeah. I wasn't expecting that. But I clapped and jeered in male, testosterone fueled enjoyment. Tan-lined boobs. Yes sir.              

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