Blood Beat

Vinegar Syndrome has been picking up the rights to some weird shit as of late, and Blood Beat is for sure a bizarre addition to said library. I had read a few random reviews of this film elsewhere on-line before deciding to throw down some notes for myself last night, and I still can't make heads or tails about what really took place during the course of this insane thrill ride of 80's schlock. There's the obvious mother that has some ridiculous psychic powers who is also an abstract artist, and immediately tells her son Ted that there's something up with Sarah right when they show up at the house from college. She even has a damned Christmas present under the tree for her-all wrapped up neatly and everything as if she had been part of the family this whole time. Also, a scene where Sarah finds a chest in the room she's staying that has a samurai sword in which she cuts her thumb on, and a suit of armor that also is of Japanese origins that just vanishes after she takes a gander at these items, and tries to convince everyone else in the family of their existence to no avail. Included in this bonkers state of affairs is a hunting accident, the gutting of a deer while it's hanging from a tree, Sarah giving herself an orgasm in rhythm to the samurai spirit killing people in the house. Yeah, it's all here and more in Blood Beat. Even during the final showdown in the third act, Ted widens his eyes so much while he's trying to use his "powers" to kill the spirit that he looks like a fucking Don Bluth animation from Dragon's Lair or Fievel Goes West. Yeah. Bet you weren't expecting that kind of reference.

If I'm supposed to be scared, I'm not.

This awful synth music brings me great joy.

Your dad's hands are full of blood. Give him a hug.

I guess abstract art was ahead of it's time.

    Warmest Christmas I've ever seen.

We hunt quiet.

That's how you ruin a shot while hunting. Jesus, Sarah.

   Get those paintings out of here, Ted.

It's hard to paint when you suddenly have Parkinson's.

Calm down, George Lucas. Buy your shit back from Disney already. Star Wars sucks these days.

Water beds bother me for some reason.

This film is chock full of warm, cozy accoutrements from the 80's that make me feel right at home.

There is no explanation behind anything that happens in Blood Beat. It's so bat-shit that there really doesn't need to be. This film really takes the cake in the way of "what the fuck did I just watch" and it really doesn't care if you care or not. It's going to do it's own thing without anyone getting in it's way. And I admire that. The recipe that bakes itself into this movie is mostly what I said above plus a samurai spirit, crazy blue and red aura things that represent this families "magical powers" and other random town folk getting stabbed with ancient Japanese swords that are sharper than your best friends' wives' silver tongue. Zits and zombies, if you're at all in the mood to check out something that will undoubtedly make your head spin in terms of crazy shit to keep track of, Blood Beat is most definitely it. Next time you go hunting though, make sure Sarah stays behind. Those animal rights people ruin everything.