Hellraiser: Judgment

If you're die hard for Pinhead as well as the rest of his Cenobite cronies, you have more than likely been keeping up with the shenanigans that Dimension keeps pulling just to hold onto the namesake of Clive Barker's creation. The original Hellraiser is a masterpiece of 80's horror born of the flesh that came to life in the novel The Hellbound Heart, which too was also cocooned and let to fly from the dark and twisted imagination of Clive Barker. The two sequels after the first panned out more about Pinhead, his Cenobites and Kirsty Cotton to complete any and all dark desires that fans wanted to know about hell and the delights it could serve. After eight films with Doug Bradley as the icon of pain and pleasure, something happened. Hellraiser Revelations was released and it fucking blew ass. Doug didn't come back and the overall production was a damn mess, but fans unfortunately ate it up and some money was made to keep the rights to the franchise. Now we have Hellraiser Judgment and it couldn't be anymore far removed from the series if it wanted to be. I've never really been into gross-out horror, and this entry has it in droves. The cinematography is actually pretty decent to say the least, and all of the fucked up browns, yellows and vomited shades of, well... browns are captured perfectly for what they were trying to go for. Even thought I don't know what the hell that was supposed to be. The simplest way I can say what this new entry into the Hellraiser series is is this-take Saw, Se7en and Hostel, butter the bottom of your cookie sheet generously, set your oven for 450 degrees and let bake for twenty minutes. Also, bake yourself while your at it. It makes it easier to forget.

The puzzle box is obsolete? I disagree.

Sin will never dissipate.

 That must have been one hell of a resume' if the Auditor invited this guy just to "talk".

"Jesus Christ!" "Heavens no... same city-different zip code."

Well, these women would be hot if their faces weren't melted off.

Hey, you must be the butcher from the original Diablo game!

  One sided conversations are always compelling.

Detective Egerton has a great ass. Come at me, Pinhead.

    Didn't we already see this shot where Pinhead rests his head on the back of his chair? Damn these editors were lazy.

Heather Langenkamp? I think you're in the wrong sequel for the wrong franchise.

 If you were "cleansed" at the house of judgement, I guess there's no need for a shower.

  I have to give credit where credit is due zits and zombies, and Hellraiser Judgment was at least better than Hellraiser Revelations. This flick at least had some decent gore, some nice boobs to look at, Detective Egerton had a great ass and Paul T. Taylor was at least better than that loser before him as Pinhead. Beyond those small things though, this film features a fat sweaty guy (with his moobs hanging out) that eats the papers with the person's entire list of sins they've committed over the years that he pours the tears of children on-and then barfs them into a funnel that goes behind the wall where topless melted faced ladies stick their hands in the vomit and say whether they need to be "cleansed" or "killed". Man that was a lot to spit out. I truthfully never want to watch this sequel again, and if I want to watch a much better version of anything that happens in this film, I'll just watch Se7en or the first Saw movie. I'm parched. Gimme some water.