Hard Ticket To Hawaii

Some cult or low budget films just fall into obscurity never to be seen by anyone ever again. Some films of this form make their makers a God by fan's eyes while others just dissolve what little reputation said deity may have had before said picture was released. If Andy Sidaris wasn't legendary in his field before Hard Ticket To Hawaii was put onto video to burn our eyeballs through the backs of our skulls, then this had to be his masterpiece. If you're in the mood for tons of perfectly perky female melons (which are nude a lot), the gorgeous women that own them, over the top dumb dialogue, a plot that pretty much doesn't exist and some of the greatest (and I really do mean the greatest) death scenes you've probably never seen and will never see again-Hard Ticket To Hawaii is the film ticket you need to purchase. This film is an anomaly because if you're a man, you're going to be laughing your ass off while having a massive woody at the same time. At one point some jackass is holding a blow-up doll while riding a skate board down the highway with a rifle in his other hand, gets run over-and in mid-air, one of the good guys blows his ass to smithereens with a fucking rocket launcher and proclaims "it's the only gun he can hit a moving target with". And then right after that you see some amazing boob-age from any of the number of sexy ladies that grace this picture and make harsh jokes about some guys dick being to small. So this is truly a one-of-a-kind experience that needs the right mind set and the right mood. There's no accounting for good taste. But you can always see some dude get blown away by a rocket launcher.

The first five seconds and the cheese is already flowing.

Wow, uhhhhh... those are some amazing, um..... breasts.

Locally grown weed is the best grown weed.

Mahalo you fat motherfucker.

Holy shit, that guy is oblivious to what's in that crate.

Really? Even Roger Moore? He was the worst Bond out of all of them.

     Wait a minute-how the hell do you fly a RC helicopter exactly where you want it to go with a fucking cane?!

You assholes have guns with you-you can't shoot the RC chopper down?! How dumb are you?!?!?!!  

"If brains were bird shit, you would have a clean cage!"

I never knew eavesdropping was so simple.

A little bit of Taryn in the sun, a little bit of Donna all night long, a little bit of Edy here I am, a little bit of Charlotte makes me your man.

If your thing in film is absolute cheesy non-sense with lots of scorching hot babes that will give you a pee-wee stiffy, a dude that can only shoot-to-kill with a rocket launcher, terrible dialogue that will no doubt make you laugh out loud and seriously some of the most hilarious death scenes I think I've ever seen, then Hard Ticket To Hawaii is something you really need to experience. Like, now. This is a classic offering where the audience doesn't have to care or think about what is going on in the movie and they can just soak it in and enjoy it because it's fucking entertaining. Turn your brain off, get some candy, pizza or popcorn and prepare for an action/exploitation flick that once you get through with, I'm pretty sure you'll want to come back for more. Just make sure your birdcage is clean. That shit's a mess.