It's not uncommon for collectors of any classification to harbor or yearn for a "holy grail" item or a "unicorn" piece to acquire that always seems so close and yet so far away. The Anchor Bay dvd run of Cemetery Man has been long out of print for awhile now and this film has been running away from my fellow horror collector Slasher Steve for many a day until last year. We were looking around in our usual spot where we get horror dvd's and blu's from and he was standing next to me while we were scanning the shelves for anything of interest and he just randomly says "I wonder if they have a copy of Cemetery Man." Quite literally as he said that I stared right ahead of where I was standing and there was one copy of it right in my cone of vision. I ripped it off the shelf and shoved it into his hand and he proclaimed "holy shit!" as he flipped it over to look at the back. The sticker said it was out of print and they were selling it for $17.99. Slasher Steve also said something about him not caring about the price, he was just going to buy it. His quest for this film was finally over. He had it for his collection and now I could finally borrow it when he was done with it so I could experience what he kept telling me about a kid's head getting crushed by a bus. And the main guy banging some chick in a cemetery. And random zombies getting shot. Yeah. There are many amazing things that take place during the run-time of Cemetery Man, and now that I've finally watched this Italian cult masterpiece, I can see why he's been digging in the dirt for so long to find it. It's a one of a kind and you'll never see a gorgeous woman get turned on by walking into a wet, dirty crypt in the same picture as Death himself standing before Francesco in all of his practical effects glory ever again.
Your friend looks a little... dead.
What else are you going to cover the graves with?
Where's Ash when you need him? Well, I guess a shovel works just as well.
It takes a lot of energy to satisfy a woman like that.
A fetish for the dead, perhaps?
Wow, I never knew that Frances The Mute was such a player.
It's Castle Grayskull! (clears throat) ahem, oh wait... no. No, it's not.
You could wait until she comes back to life and call the sequel "Bride of Cemetery Man."
So, you get puked on, some jackass offers for you to take a ride on his bike and you jump on without showering or changing your dress. Wow.
Damn she's beautiful. To bad she's dead.
Zits and zombies, Cemetery Man is a mid-nineties dream for fear fanatics. Great (and weird) characters, a fast pace that might be hard to keep up with in certain spots, a crazy sexy woman that has a strange fetish for death and cemetery crypts, Death himself, Francesco shooting random zombies that keep coming back to life as he's trying to take care of the graveyard grounds and top-notch cinematography that in some ways actually made me think of the Evil Dead franchise. There's also some shit that has to do with Francesco's dick getting cut off for some reason. I don't know. This is great stuff, especially if you've never seen it (like me until about a week ago) and there's plenty of guns, black humor and Anna Falchi's boobs are fantastic. Gnaghi is a funny, spastic side-kick as well. Also, remember to shower after he vomits all over you. That just means he likes you.
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