Halloween At Aunt Ethel's

 

I picked Halloween At Aunt Ethel's purely on a whim to watch on Tubi recently since I somehow had some extra time-and it wasn't quite as bad as I thought it was going to be. It wasn't what I was expecting, but not to bad. Not to bad indeed. It has many, many flaws even though I contemplated tracking down a physical copy when it was over, but I just couldn't get myself to dig deep enough to be convinced that it needed to be friends with the rest of what I have already. The main issue I have with Halloween At Aunt Ethel's is the character of Ethel herself and that damned ending. I really, really didn't care for the way that it just stopped abruptly after Melissa finds Ethel's cursed diary in her mailbox. There should have been at least a couple more minutes to flesh out what happened with Ethel having to send 31 souls to redeem herself because it's just so vague that it ends up being utterly worthless. To the viewer, to the universe this film resides in and to anyone who is interested. Honestly, this piece as a whole was nowhere near being bad enough to be on my worst of the year when that time comes, but for me personally this was a purgatory flick. I didn't like Ethel as the main villain here because she just was weird for the sake of being weird and not much else. She kidnaps and kills kids during Halloween to make her famous (or infamous) pickled chocolates (which sounds fucking gross anyway) and is just a goofy-assed version of the witch from Hansel and Gretel when you get down to it. That's mainly why Halloween At Aunt Ethel's falls flat for me-it lacks a lot of substance that could have made it great. Just because Mandy and Melissa are both hot doesn't mean I'm going to watch this ever again.

The urban legend of Aunt Ethel continues to live on as she kidnaps kids and makes them into sweets, treats and candies for all to eat. Say that shit five times fast. Melissa moves into the new town of whatever it's supposed to be, becomes friends with the sexy Mandy and she shows her what's going down around where they live. This is back story that isn't in the movie that I just made up. It makes sense though. When you first see Mandy and Melissa, they are already friends and are wearing the same school uniform. Mandy says hello to her boyfriend when he shows up by giving him a blow job right in front of Melissa and for everyone to see without a care in the world. What a greeting. They end up going to a Halloween party later and of course there's lots of making out, sex, alcohol and cheating. What a surprise. No one gives a shit about that though. You just want to see Ethel cut up little kids and carve their body parts to make candy. Hell, that's what I watched this mediocre slab for. She also has severed heads in the fridge like Dahmer as well. 

Of course this starts on Halloween night. There's jack-o-lanterns everywhere.

Did this guy just say he wants to do "butt stuff" with his girlfriend?

Going into a shed where a saw is going off by itself isn't smart. But hey, you thought your boyfriend's dick was a candy bar too so this doesn't surprise me.

Looks like Aunt Ethel has more candy to make.

Mandy and Melissa-I'm a fan.

Don't worry Melissa-I don't know what "putting this twerk on fleek" means either.

So Aunt Ethel is basically the old lady version of Dahmer.

  Pickled chocolates? Hell, no. Just-no.

"The balls of the feet are the best!"

Dude-Melissa is way hotter than that chick. She needs to lose that nose ring anyway.

"Doctor Dick is in the house!"

Gets pretty lonely playing checkers by yourself, doesn't it?

Zits and zombies, Halloween At Aunt Ethel's was quite okay. It's not going to blow open a new genre in the horror community or change anyone's life-it's just going to entertain you for a little while while you sit there and soak in the fact that Aunt Ethel is a damn psychopath that enjoys killing and eating little children in tandem with using their main body parts to make a horrendous sounding snack named pickled chocolates. Fucking awful. There's no redeeming qualities here to speak of unless you throw the cinematography in there because that was very solid, but overall there's nothing memorable here besides maybe Mandy greeting her boyfriend with some head and Melissa just being hot because she is. In other words, Halloween At Aunt Ethel's needed more substance to be great because all it is is a try hard M.I.L.F, lots of boobs hanging out for you to see and Ricky whacking it outside of every female's bedroom window-including Aunt Ethel's. My God. Toss this in the purgatory bin. One time for one time only.