Bloody Murder

There are so many homages and rip-offs of actual horror movies out there, it will make your head spin clean off. And of course, there's always a low-brow version of Friday the 13th somewhere hiding in the shadows-and I know you guys have at least heard of one of them. I'm pretty sure that Bloody Murder isn't one of them. It can't be. I didn't even know this shit existed until I picked up the four pack with this, it's sequel, Junior and Deadly Species. Yes, there is a horror film called Junior. And no, it's not the one where Arnold gets pregnant-although you could say that is a horror movie for completely different reasons. Bloody Murder is basically if Lifetime or The Hallmark Channel decided to start producing their own horror flicks and didn't really know how to go about it other than ripping off what was already out there. Some swearing, some blood, a really crappy, cheap killer for the villain (that you never actually get to see) and an off screen kill with a chainsaw. Once. Oh boy. I'm very excited.

    Leaving your pregnant wife in the middle of the forest, by herself, so you can walk back 30 miles to get some gas. That's smart.

 Is this the Lifetime version of Jason?

 She's reading. That's hot.

Grow a pair. Both of you. And get to work.

What the hell is this, Dawson's Creek?

 Michael Richard's retarded grandpa. That's great.

"Bloody Murder" sounds just as gay as the game of tag itself.

Aww. What a soft piece of shit.

Look's like "90's cool guy" pee-peed all over himself.

So, when does Dean get whacked? He deserves it right about now.

A fat sheriff. Yusssssssss.

The internet has come a long way.

Trevor Moorehouse made a poopie.

Yeah... time for some camp killing.

Bloody Murder is much more entertaining than you would expect it to be because of it's Hallmark Channel/ABC Family/Lifetime vibe that wafts so effortlessly off into the air like opening a sealed package of Limburger cheese for the first time. At first it smells and tastes like fucking garbage, but at about the midway point, it somehow attaches itself to you and won't let go until you've seen the end. Movies like this don't happen out in the wild very often, and when they do, you only watch them every couple of years so they don't spoil on you. Keep them in the freezer for a while. Aluminum foil is the key here.