HI-8

Let's get a matter of personal taste out of the way. When it comes to the type of women I fancy, I absolutely love bigger, plus sized and full figured ladies. My personal list includes but certainly isn't limited to Denise Bidot, Christina Hendricks, Kat Dennings, Elke the Stallion and Dors Feline. That's just scratching the surface. But I'm not writing this to spill my guts on my love of plumper women. I'm doing this to share somethings about the SOV horror anthology, HI-8. If you love those kinds of girls, you'll love the ones in HI-8. It's full of them. It also has some of my favorite SOV shorts and directors this side of Gary P. Cohen. Todd Sheets, Tim Ritter and Brad Sykes. Need I say more? I hope not. Unless you don't know who those guys are which would be a damn shame. It's also a damn shame if you still don't have a copy of HI-8 yet. There's even a fictional (maybe?) lost SOV in one of the shorts called "Bloodgasm". It's beautiful. I have HI-8 but I need a copy of Bloodgasm. Who wants Italian sausage?

   Dad still has his vhs camcorder from when I was a kid, right?

It's in the attic.

This anthology is special. It has a really cute brunette with a big ass jogging in tight, black running shorts. Some guy has his dad's hi-8 camera making a movie with her running down a dirt path and some faux Jason/Meyers mix horror villain-person with a machete, hockey mask and full bodied mechanic suit. I wanna be like Mike. 

A decent looking redhead and her husband drive around raping and murdering women because he's a rapist. And she supports him. Then she wears a strap-on and starts killing women after killing her husband. Interesting.

There's also a big rubber alien monster thing in a garage after a meteor crashes to the earth. There's also a fat bald guy that is terribly acted and hasn't worn deodorant in about 48 hours. Times are tough. 

Two guys talk about how it sucks that no one rents movies anymore because everything is digital these days.  Tim gets a box of vhs tapes because the store is closing. He finds one called Bloodgasm. "A lost SOV!" Damn straight. He bangs his biggins girlfriend and then they meet the director of Bloodgasm and kill him. Awesome.

A guy with a camo bandanna breaks into a hospital to save his nana. Him and all the old people are outside. Zombies show up. There's a They Live reference from an old guy. They walk to slow to the van. Everyone dies. Go figure.

Some pedo dirt bag is spying on a pretty cute fat girl. He just wants to know what time it is. She likes black men. A fat black guy breaks into her house to rape her. She bites his weiner. He wipes the sweat from his brow with a towel that says "diva" on it. Then she rapes him in the mouth. He dies. Let's move on.

A radio host keeps getting calls on his rotary phone. Most of you probably don't even know what those are. The phone keeps ringing after her rips the power chord out of it. His butter faced girlfriend wants to dance with him in the kitchen. He cries for a second then stabs his girl in the back. She comes back as a zombie and rips his heart out. So overplayed.

A hay-haired blonde and a pretty plus sized brunette arrive on the beach. The brunette pours beer on her chest. A couple bitches about the guys ex. The woman wants a sandwich dammit. She's also pregnant. The woman makes his ex drink Drano and then they smash her head in with a mallet. I want to do that sometimes.

A cute chick with big lips and some douche are driving through the desert. They run across a really beat up building. Her nipples show through her tank top. The douche disappears then appears behind her. Their car doesn't work. She goes for a walk and finds his camera just sitting there.  She watches herself get killed on the camera and then the douche shows up and laughs. What an idiot.

That hot, big-assed girl in black jogging shorts at the beginning? She turns into some demon thing and kills those other guys with her? I guess?

  I realize that I went through HI-8 rather quickly, but really all I wrote here is all you need to know. You're already going to know if it's a movie that you're going to like before you even watch it anyways. I hope this post wasn't to sloppy for you. Keep it gory.