Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Splatter University


Categorically, Splatter University is supposed to be lumped into the slasher realm. But what this film really is is an un-intentional horror comedy. The production values are pretty much on the same level as The Last Slumber Party where acting, dialogue and clean editing don't mean a damn thing. That's actually what makes this type of atrocity fun is knowing that it's a heap of garbage, and yet everyone can still have fun with it. Some caramel popcorn, weed, beer and pizza are a must when viewing Splatter University, and it would be perfect to play on a huge outdoor projection screen at your high school reunion just to remind everyone why they hated you in the first place twenty years ago. The kills are quick and out of place, all of the characters are loathsome degenerates (except Denise-what a killer 80's red-head) the plot is paper thin, and the twist ending really didn't even come close to being shocking or satisfying. But that's not why you zits and zombies watch films like Splatter University. You watch them to see dumb people get killed and hot chicks take their tops off. I really dug this because it doesn't take itself seriously at all, and sometimes we all need to laugh at ourselves to survive. 

The second floor is one hell of a place.

How tall is that cop? 9 feet??

Sweet Jesus, stabbed in the dick!

"The next semester.... yesterday." What does that even mean?

Weakest boner gesture ever.

Shut up with the howling already. You're annoying, Wolf.

That's one hoppin' fe-mullet. I want to get lost in it.

What a surprise. A close minded priest.

"There's a fingernail in my pie."

Silly white guy dance. That's me tearing it up.

How many times are we going to hear this beach/surf song?

You're less than a foot away from your girlfriend and you can't even tell that her throat was slit?! Get some glasses, man!

 Really now, Splatter University is a fun time because of how 80's and trashy it is. It has a gritty, grind-housey layer to it that adds to the charm of just how lame and enjoyable this film truly is. If you can make it to the end of films like Things, Sledgehammer, The Last Slumber Party, Killer Workout or just about anything towards the bottom of the horror well, then you can make it to then end of this. And you will laugh in it's face because these movies amuse you. Well, me anyway. I would recommend this to any zit or zombie that needs a pick-me-up from a hard day at work because there's always worse things out there. I should've finished college. Missed my chance.      

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