Hooker With A Hacksaw

As deep as I've gone with indie horror for a long time now, Donald Farmer is a director of these types of no budget gore films that I've just never bothered to look into. If Hooker With A Hacksaw is any indication of his other work that is still a mystery to me, then I might just stay away. My year so far has mostly consisted of mediocre purgatory horror flicks that I'll never revisit ever again, and this one fits right in with the rest of them. I won't sit here and lie to you zits and zombies-there is some pretty cool kills and sweet gore, but that's really it. The production value for this thing is probably worth the same amount as buying a new set of shoe laces for some cheap kicks at Payless, and there was little to no excitement or build up to anything great of any kind. There's plenty of product placement consisting of Bud Light and main girl Kasper Meltedhair wasting about five minutes of the run time trying on random halloween masks at Party City. Donald Farmer had no shame zooming out in the parking lot when she walked out of the store either, and it was clear as day that that's where she was at. Hell, even when she was inside I already knew where she was at before that event took place because who hasn't been to a Party City at some point. If you're in the weird mood for really scummy characters, seeing a girl gut a guy with a hacksaw and then jack-off his intestines as she pulls them out of his stomach then go ahead. Put a new blade on it first though.

I was going to say that a chainsaw would be easier but... whatever.

Fucking thrash!

Gas is $1.95?! Where the hell do these people live?

So pharm-techs are junkies... I knew it.

 That's obviously a plastic skeleton.

Shit man-got enough ketchup?

Flea markets are always a pleasure.

C'mon Raymond.... you're dressed up like Leonardo DiCaprio lost his acting gigs and signed up as the new magician at Denny's.

 "What do ya' think, pig-boy? Do I give good head?!"

Donald Farmer must have paid Bud Light plenty of cash for how many times I've seen it in the background.

It's easy to party at Party City by yourself.

Hacksaw to the nuts!

Bettie Page spray painted on the side of a building is always fun.

What ultimately makes me sad about Hooker With A Hacksaw is that it has potential. With a little bit more of a spin-kick to the groin with production values and a smidgen added to the budget, I think this would have been a winner. It could have been an indie gem that everyone in the horror community needed to see, but it just isn't there for me and I can't recommend it unless you're drunk on the floor with nothing better to do or your spouse kicks you out of bed at 3a.m. for snoring to loudly and you end up watching something weird for the sake of watching something weird. With a piece of pizza and some milk and cookies. I clap my hands together loudly for Donald Farmer creating his art because that's what he wants to do, but I personally think he needs to save up a little more dough for next time so he doesn't fall short. By the way, Linnea Quigley is in here for .5 seconds on a t.v. in the background when Kirsten is on the phone with some ass-clown that's calling her for some business. Yeah. That's all the screen time she has. I need my septum pierced again. Twice.