Gnaw

The name is short and to the point. The cover art is also short and to the point. The movie doesn't follow the same path however. Gnaw is loaded with some of the most generic, backwoods horror cliches' and audience predictions that could have ever been possibly shoved up it's 90 minute ass-but tries to redeem itself with gross-out scenes and a weird 2-3 person cannibal family where the mother cooks the victims and the son chases the main characters around kingdom come in some stupid looking wolf/bear suit thing that wasn't even menacing or terrifying at all. I mean, really-after taking your initial bite out of the food that was randomly set out on the kitchen table when they found the house in the middle of nowhere and there is hair and a finger nail in it, they didn't think twice? So damn frustrating. So boring. There was little to no tension build up or anything that made me even care about anything in this film, and what busts my balls even more is that this thing could have been solid. The gross-out cannibal idea could have worked if there was actual thought or effort put into this production, but unfortunately there wasn't. The ending just forces you to think that there is going to be a sequel (and there is) but this first offering just makes it reasonably unnecessary to even want to try and bother. If your going to bake a human pot pie, at least make it exciting and flavorful. Not some frozen drivel you can find in the refrigerated section of the dollar store. 

210,000 a year-that's a lot of missing persons.

Come on, Jethro! It's lunch time!

People will never learn that partying deep in the woods somewhere is never a good idea.

Flattest burgers ever.

I've only seen Jack for five seconds and I want him to get eaten already.

It's never to early for a bath.

Skully needs to get his eyes checked. His glasses are all scratched up.

Yeah. Bollocks.

Someone get this guy a respirator, or Darth Vader's helmet for fucks sake.

   Never wake up a sleepwalker.

They're probably really having Jimmy Dean for breakfast.

   So instead of saving your girlfriend from getting turned into a breakfast sausage, you run away. Wow.

Gnaw is a picture that I had a feeling I wasn't going to dig, and I was right. It just felt so lazy and vomited out that I'm still wondering more than a week later after watching it why the people involved even bothered. The plot offers nothing new, the characters offer nothing new and the gross-out stuff is really tame and off camera 99% of the time anyway so there isn't anything to garner from this except maybe just pissing 90 minutes down the drain because you feel like it. I didn't feel like it-I guess I'm just trying to find pieces of shit to add to my list for my worst of the year because so far I've had good luck in 2019. That's more surprising than anything that took place in Gnaw. I don't really know how to end this. So, I guess just don't watch Gnaw.