Box Set - itis: The Fly Collector Set

There isn't anything new I can say about the 80's Fly re-make that hasn't already been touched upon by other people, so I'll just make this as short and as sweet as possible. The Fly from the 80's is probably one of the best re-makes of all time. The original Vincent Price The Fly is actually a film I've been meaning to watch in general (whether I'm going to take notes for it for you guys is something I'm not sure I'm going to do yet) so I can compare the two and get a sense of where Cronenberg culled his ideals from. His version of The Fly has always been not only a horror staple since I was growing up, but also a movie staple in general. If you're not into horror all that much, it doesn't make a difference. The 80's The Fly is a dead set masterpiece that needs to be experienced by everyone. Every single detail in this film needs to be sought out and watched by everyone, I don't care who you are. Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis were at their peaks when they performed in this, and it shows. Bzzzzzzzt. 

 Price I paid: $19.99

Where did I find it?: Exile on Main (Champaign, IL)

Print: 20th Century Fox

Run#: I never know these things. Go ask Rudy.

Movies Included: The Fly, The Fly II

Is it worth it?: Yes and no. It's worth it if you want both Fly films together in one set and you don't have any other prints of them. It's not worth it if you have both of them already in one format or another, or if you only want the first one. Take your pick.

Final: Unless you're some crazy hardcore collector of everything The Fly, there's no real reason to have this box unless you don't have any of the films that are out there and want something to get started. Honestly, if that's the case, just buy a copy of the first one individually because that's really the one you need to see. The sequel is very well done, but it's not really necessary for you to watch it unless you fell in love with the first one that much that you have to watch the next one.   

Box Set - itis: Friday the 13th blu-ray collection

This is a set that I was really waiting for as in the past I had always wanted the entire Jason franchise all in one spot. Finally, it came true on blu-ray (because HD dammit) even though there had already been a couple different incarnations of the whole franchise on dvd in the past. I have seen some mediocre and poor reviews of this particular set on Amazon and in other places here on the grand old inters-net, and I think the reason for this is mainly because hardcore Jason fans were hoping that this set would have newer/more/better extras and behind the scenes. From what I understand (since I never owned any of the previous dvd sets of this franchise) all of that in this set is basically the same. Just everything transferred in 1080p. I will have to say, even though the inner-sleeve artwork is fantastic, I really don't like how the bd's are inside slip pages. That bugs me because there can be serious issues with scratching the discs if you're not careful. Even with it's faults, I really dig this blu-ray set of the entire Jason series. If you don't have any of the dvd boxes, get this one. Please.

  Price I paid: $100

Where did I find it?: Best Buy (Joliet, IL)

Print: Warner Brothers

Run#: Hot pancakes.

Movies Included: Friday the 13th 1-8, Jason Goes to Hell, Jason X, Freddy vs. Jason, Friday the 13th the killer cut

Is it worth it?: Hell yes. Especially if you're a big Jason fan and have never owned any of the previous sets of this franchise, this blu-ray set is the way to go for sure. And it comes in a collector's tin. 

Final: There's no reason not to have the entire series on blu-ray sitting on your shelf. Unless you're one of those weirdos that only likes the first two or three films and that's it. Shame on you. My personal favorite is Friday the 13th part VII: The New Blood. But to each his own. Kill-kill-kill. Die-die-die.  

   

Deadly Daycare

I watched this on a whim after just being a lazy bastard and not wanting to go down to my basement and actually watch a few dvd's or blu-ray's that I've bought recently. I sift through Hulu Plus and Netflix on occasion just to see if there's anything new, interesting or bizarre looking that I might want to write something about on here. When I ran across Deadly Daycare, and I saw that it had Christy Carlson Romano and Kayla Ewell as actresses involved, I just had to watch this. (They're both hotties by the way.) Even though I do realize that I have a pretty big back catalog building up of physical copies of movies I need to watch for Cinema Slayer, I felt like I just needed to slap some notes down for this one. It has a complete Lifetime tone about it, and it grips you right from the beginning. CCR plays a complete nutcase, and I was glad to see her in such a role. It's the complete opposite of Ren from Even Stevens, and that's pretty much what intrigued me to watch this in the first place.

  Christy Carlson Romano? I haven't seen her since Even Stevens.

Damn, she's gorgeous now!

Oh, you're just an attorney. I'm sorry that being upper-middle class isn't good enough. Greedy asshole.

I shouldn't point this out now, but this film has a total Lifetime tone about it.

     Ms. Wright seems like she's all kinds of wrong.

It's kind of cool and creepy that you can log into the website from any cellular device and watch the cameras at the daycare.

  So, is Mia Crystal? Crystal is Mia?

Well, Gabby has officially lost her shit.

Shut up about the God shit already.

Wow, what a scathing bitch.

I would've told Gabby to get the hell out of my house.

 CCR did a great job playing a damn creepy character trying to steal the family's child for her own. I'll have to look deeper to see if she's done anything else similar to this since her days with Shia LaBeouf. Probably the scene where she forces her way into the house by saying a hoodie is Mia's when it wasn't and tries to invite herself for dinner was just fucking unsettling and touched on the realm of home invasion. If you're into Lifetime flicks and crave something that is psychologically off center with a few actresses you may know already, give this one a chance. I actually kind of dug it from a psychological and home invasion stance. Now get the hell out of my house.  

Almost Human

This is yet another one that I was seeing on dvd at Walmart and Best Buy a lot when it was released. You have to admit that the box art is pretty cool looking, as you would expect this to be some sort of throw back type film or something. A modern slasher of sorts. Kind of like Final Girls or Lost After Dark. After all this time, I finally got myself around to watching Almost Human on Netflix, and it was pretty lackluster. It ended up being another "alien abduction, guy returns as an alien to take everything over" type of sci-fi horror film, which normally I don't mind. But for some really hard reason, even with all of the gore and violence in this, it just wasn't enough for me to really like it at all. It felt dull and boring and even when things started to boil over towards the end and it piles on even more gore and violence- I just didn't care. Which is a shame because it's a great production, but... meh. I could've lived without it.

The tension. The chase. The paranoia. It's all so riveting. 

A loud, blue light? Aliens, perhaps?

C'mon Mark. You're going to need something bigger than that. That looks like a .22 or something.

Well, that noise is certainly obnoxious.

Post traumatic stress seems like it would be a normal outcome of witnessing an alien abduction.

Even though I hate going to work, it sucks when your boss cuts your hours. Bastards.

Holding a gun makes everyone feel better.

If you're looking for employment, there's an opening at the gas station up the road.

So, who's this cutie with dark hair?

Mark's going Texas Chainsaw in this bitch!

Shit always becomes creepy when a tv turns on by itself.

Almost Human was almost awesome, but for me it just lacked a certain punch. I think it might have been the ending. The ending was kind of just there and it really left everything open for there to be a sequel. Would I watch the sequel if one does get put together? That's a solid maybe just to see if it goes more in depth with everything that took place in the original. But don't get your hopes up. I would check this out if you're really in the mood for a decent sci-fi horror flick that has plenty of gore, a high production value and pretty good acting. But the ideas and the story are really what drug it down for me. I was honestly glad when it was over, so I could move onto something else. Maybe I'll go apply at that gas station. I hate my job.   

 

 

Enter the Void

Gaspar Noe is a director I'm really not familiar with at all. Everything that I have read about him and his films randomly seem fresh and interesting. I will admit after watching a little more than half of Enter the Void, his directing style is definitely different. It does have more of an artistic flair and feel about it. He really knows how to use color and camera angles to his own advantage to portray anything he wants. But the overall writing and structure of what is going on in Enter the Void, to me, was just... blah. It never really reached a point where I was just overwhelmed with feelings of joy, entertainment or artistic enjoyment. I just didn't, and ultimately couldn't care that the main character gets shot by the cops and the rest of the movie back tracks and shows his whole life before tracking to the point of where the film begins. It honestly just felt very long winded and unnecessary. 

Dear Lord. It's Paz De La Huerta. 

Well, at least the first person is actually through this guys eyes instead of some dumb ass holding a camera the whole time.

I want to listen to Lateralus from Tool.

Sounds psychedelic when you die, junkie.

Sorry son, but his sister is not gorgeous.

I guess now were going to see Gaspar Noe's version of what happens when you die.

I'm curious about a club called "sex, money, power."

Paz should've been a porn star.

Well, that car accident explains a whole hell of a lot.

  A blood pact - I didn't think kids still did that sort of stuff.

I don't know why Oscar's friend was making fun of him for banging that MILF. She's pretty damn hot if you ask me.

   Drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs... fucking drugs.

 I already stated this, but I only made it through about half of Enter the Void before I just didn't care about it any longer. It's basically a very long, drawn out telling of a brother and sister that ended up moving to Tokyo and getting involved with huge groups of seedy people. And constantly pushing and abusing drugs. And then Oscar gets shot by the cops in a bathroom in a bar. And then the whole rest of the movie is from the perspective of his "spirit" and I just wasn't really all the enthralled with it. If you're interested at all in checking out an offering from Gaspar Noe, look it up. If not, don't bother. There's plenty of other films out there more worth your time. 

Box Set - itis: The Basement

Being one of the very first additions that has to do with SOV horror, and one of my very first box sets after I started collecting this filth, I have to venture out saying that this is my favorite box out of all of them that I own. It has plenty of SOV classics including Cannibal Campout and Video Violence. Two of my personal favorites. My favorite things about this box are the layout, the cover art and you get a blood red VHS with the previously un-released The Basement on it along with it on it's own dvd. Pretty damn cool if you ask me. I wish Camp would put out a second box like this with other SOV films such as Blood Lake, The Abomination and Gore-met Zombie Chef from Hell. I need more SOV, man. We need more SOV. We all scream for SOV. Now I just want some ice cream. Shit.

 Price I paid: $20.00

Where did I find it?: Amazon (US)

Print: Camp Motion Pictures

Run#: Puddin.'

Movies Included: The Basement, Video Violence 1 & 2, Captives and Cannibal Campout.

Is it worth it?: A resounding yes and yes. This set should be priced more at $40 instead of $20 because the quality is superb and Camp always does a great job with packaging and extras. I consider this to be the SOV starter kit- if you're curious at all about this specific sub-genre of horror film and want to get into collecting, The Basement box is the way to go. If you watch them and hate them, at least watch the three Gary Cohen films which are Video Violence 1 & 2 and Captives. Great stuff.

Final: Again, if you buy this and end up hating your life afterwards, at least you can say you've seen the Gary Cohen flicks one time. And you can then proceed to sell it. Maybe this will turn you into a rabid SOV fan. Who knows. The choice is yours. But I personally think it's more than worth it.   

Curve

When I first heard that Julianne Hough was going to be in a horror flick, I gasped. Then I proceeded to laugh. She seems to be the kind of "to high on a shelf" type of personality to stoop or want to stoop to being in a fright flick. But here it is. Curve. It's on Netflix at the moment, and I had it on my que to watch it specifically just to poke fun at it and write some negative comments and jabs about how much of a dreadful piece of shit it was. But I would be mistaken to jot down such slander. Curve was beyond anything I had hoped or expected it to be. I honestly thought it was going to be some shitty fifty dollar budgeted Sharknado type of fare, but it well exceeded my expectations. I enjoyed Curve very much. And Julianne played being trapped inside of a jeep for nearly a week extremely well. I'm actually waiting for her to be in another horror film.

 

You have a long drive ahead of you, girlie.

 

A "fuck you for leaving mix" cd is hilarious.

 

  Overheated engine?

 

Now that was a cheap and clever way to see Julianne with her top off. I'm not complaining of course.

 

If this guy loves this song, he's got some shitty taste in music.

 

Yeah, Christian. We've all heard your bullshit before.

 

Well, things got weird all of a sudden.

 

Then we drove off a cliff.

 

I'd set myself on fire if I woke up and I was covered in black ants.

 

Stuck inside the jeep. Day two.

 

Well, hello again Norman Bates. Nice to see you.

 

Christian is one of those guys that I would love to beat the shit out of in dark alley because he deserves it.

 

 How Julianne went from being a judge on Dancing with the Stars to playing Mallory in Curve is beyond me, but I personally think it was a good career move. I think she's going to make some decent money from this and I'm actually hoping she gets another role in a horror movie. And it was put out by Universal which I didn't expect either. Like I stated earlier, I didn't expect much of anything from this, but I really liked it a lot. Just don't pick up random guys out in the desert named Christian and you'll be fine. And bring plenty of water. I'd hate to see you drive off a cliff.

 

  

Turbo Kid

Originally, this was an indie film that I didn't even want to touch. I'm very skeptical about newer movies (whether they're Hollywood or indie) these days because everything in this realm is just so over budgeted and pumped full of horribly done CGI that horror and cult films are becoming my life. But, Turbo Kid just kept steam rolling me with nothing but positive quips and ideas. Then it was put on Netflix. Could this be the greatest newer indie film in the last five, maybe ten years? Most certainly, the answer is an overwhelming yes, yes and yes! If I had any sort of plans on doing a top five best of the year instead of the top five worst of the year, Turbo Kid would be, hands fucking down, numero uno. This film drips quality, quantity and fresh writing to the point where I hope that it becomes some kind of a film staple where there are toys, posters, t-shirts and a whole cult following for years and years to come. This film deserves every ounce of praise that it gets.

Post-apocalyptic... I love it already.

Even a retro soundtrack! Yyyyeeeesssssss!!!    

I adore this kids underground bedroom/lair space.

You have to do what you have to do for food bro.

This is really what it would be like if we lived in a dystopian post-apocalyptic world, wouldn't it?

Michael Ironside, I presume?

That chick has issues.

 Henchmen are always dolts in these kinds of movies.

"This is my gnome stick!"

The Turbo Rider suit is awesome!

Well, that jackass went "splat."

Who stabs themselves in the eye, honestly?

Apple is to damn cute and oblivious for her own good.

I tried explaining what films that this is akin to to a friend recently, and I actually struggled for a bit because I couldn't really think of a few films that it resembled. The only answer I had was "it's like Mad Max and Hobo with a Shotgun spliced together", but that's not a very good depiction either. That's just a good sign of not being able to pigeon hole Turbo Kid. Because you can't. Finally a solid film that everyone can get behind and be excited about. By the way, I was also impressed with the amount of gore in this movie. There was a lot more in here than I thought there would be. Gibs. What a concept. Stop loitering around here and go watch Turbo Kid. Now.   

Box Set - itis: The Films of Chester Novell Turner

Chester Novell Turner is a man of color. He is also from Chicago. Everyone also has thought that he has been dead for the past umpteen years in an auto accident. Or something like that. But, in reality, he's been among us the entire time and no one even knew. There's barely any info about this SOV genius on the inters-net for us to learn about his presence or his films. The only way any of us that are interested can learn about him is if we track down his two movies and watch them ourselves and make judgement calls. And, boy, are they going to be bizarre calls. From what I understand, Chester still to this day is the only black SOV director that has even made a contribution, let alone even known about anything about this weird little sub genre of horror offering. But, I'm not here to add anything to the mystery that is Chester Novell Turner. I'm just here to give you guys my specs on the box set I have. Roast beef.

Price I paid: $17.99

Where did I find it?: Disc Replay (Crest Hill, IL)

Print: Massacre Video

Run#: Ask Gordon Lightfoot.

Movies Included: Black Devil Doll from Hell and Tales from The Quadead Zone

Is it worth it?: I shouldn't even have to answer this, but in the realm of SOV horror, yes it is a gem that you all need to have on your shelves somewhere. Mostly because of the incredibly hard to come by Tales from The Quadead Zone. That VHS alone is a priceless artifact in horror collecting (costing up to a whopping 7-$800) so grabbing this double dvd set with both of his films for $18 is a damn steal. 

Final: To have a more complete SOV collection, this double set from Massacre Video is essential. Otherwise, don't bother. It'll make you sick.   

Box Set - itis: Gingerdead Man

The trilogy box set from Full Moon containing the three main Gingerdead Man films is a mistake. I don't even really care about the fact that I only paid two dollars for it at a flea market, I should've never done it. I thought they would be a hilarious good time. And in some small ways, these movies are. But mostly they just compiled my dislike of Gary Busey even more. If I was forced to pick which one of the three I like the most, it would probably be the second one just because of how ridiculous and over the top it is. It's one of those that should have been a Troma film. Actually, I don't even know If Troma would want to be associated with this. And that's really saying something.

Price I paid: $2.00

Where did I find it?: Gordyville flea market (Gifford, Il)

Print: Full Moon Entertainment

Run#: 3,068,524

Movies Included: Gingerdead Man, Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust, Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver

Is it worth it?: Even for two sweet pesos, it's still not worth it. You either have to be a sick mutha' who loves every single film Gary Busey has ever been in or you have to be the biggest Full Moon fan of all time to really get any kind of serious (cheesy or otherwise) enjoyment out of the Gingerdead Man trilogy. Like I stated, I really only like the second one slightly more than the other two because it's over the top and it's completely blasphemous towards religion and anything good in humanity.

Final: If you run across this for $2 or someone just wants to give it to you because they don't want it anymore, don't take it. Just go watch Under Siege instead. Gary Busey dresses in drag in that one (pretty horribly I might add) and you get to see Erika Eleniak's luscious breasts. That's worth way more than $2 and your sanity.   

Mosquito (blu-ray)

I've only known about Mosquito for a couple of months. When I finally had the chance to pounce on buying the blu-ray from Synapse, pounce I did. One of my main reasons for wanting to add this buggy masterpiece is the fact that one of the main characters is played by horror legend Gunnar Hansen. He is the original Leatherface, and any film that features the man that played my favorite horror icon of all time (next to Jason Voorhees) is something I have to watch. It's imperative. I will say this zits and zombies-I don't think I've seen any other movies directed by Gary Jones, but if I run across any- it's on my list. Immediately. I love the timing, the dialog, cinematography and all the work that went into Mosquito is a true testament to how a real b- horror flick is made. Top notch practical effects here. 

Space. The final frontier. Wait. Ugh.

That's how a mosquito is born, huh? Wild.

I wouldn't want to take a dead mosquito with me. Let alone a giant one.

A "guaranteed bug killer" is a great stocking stuffer for Christmas.

Hendricks fogging the entire campground for mosquitoes while there's a bunch of families there is just hysterical.

Zits and zombies- the legendary Gunnar Hansen.

Your directing is superb Gary Jones, but that stop motion is horrid.

Proboscis in the eye!

  Is there an actual profession where you can chase literal meteors?

Well, the chief ranger's dead body is certainly disturbing.

This is the worst joke I could possibly write here, but... don't drink the kool-aid. I'm sorry. That was highly inappropriate. 

 If you have seen Mosquito before, you know why I wrote that line about not drinking kool-aid. If you haven't, it's better if you watch it yourself so as I don't ruin anything more for you than I may or may not have already. You can't go wrong watching a film that involves Gunnar Hansen with a chainsaw, irradiated mosquitoes, a nude woman being basically raped by a mosquito and plenty of dead bodies and gore. This is a film that needs to be preserved by us all. Sucker.