Friday, September 30, 2016

Fast Gun (VHS)


I love buying random VHS tapes from Goodwill sometimes. There are always a plethora of tapes at any given location, and you just never know what sort of gem you could find hiding in plain site. Fast Gun is one I never heard of, but the cover spoke to me. It said, "Buy me! I'm a cheesy ass action flick! I feature a hot blonde chick hanging out with a sheriff that runs around blasting everyone with a 50 caliber!" And, as impossible as it sounds, this guy can blow a full helicopter right out of the sky with just three shots of a 9mm. Impressive. What's also impressive is is the fact that no one in the movie questions it. No one puts it out of the realm of reality that this guy can down a fucking 747 right out of the air with three shots from a fucking firearm. Everyone in town is nonchalant about it as if the sheriff has done this a million times before. No wonder why airport security is messed up these days. I would delve a little into the plot in Fast Gun, but what's the point when there is a shirtless Steven Weber looking motherfucker walking around destroying everything with a 50. cal and an RPG? There is none.   

That gun wasn't fast enough.

What kind of MP's are you?

I have no faith in our military after this.

This music could easily be in one of the Shinobi games on the Sega Genesis.

Dolph Lundgren's z-grade brother is getting angry.

 Stock explosion sound effects. I love it!

How the fuck do you blow up a helicopter with a 9mm?! Please, tell me how that's possible!

I never knew that David Gilmour was into stolen, military grade weapons.

 Just get on with it and get some pussy already.

Either a play-through of Streets of Rage or Final Fight would be perfect right now.

 "I'd rather drink stale piss than listen to this crap." So, a can of Bud Light then?

Synclavier music is the worst for fight scenes. 

This is a cheesy, mid-afternoon action flick that you watch for a good laugh with a bowl of couple day old, stale popcorn. Also, there are a lot of guns in Fast Gun, but none of them are particularly fast. Most of them are overpowered though. Even though I saw it a mile away, Fast Gun features one of the slowest, most unenthusiastic climaxes of all time. Surprisingly, it doesn't detract from the overall experience as absorbing an entire town being decimated by RPG's, 50. cal's, hand guns, grenades and lots of other weapons had me more than primed up by the time the end credits came. I never even knew it was over. Well, actually I did I just didn't think it would be so damn lame. Either way, this is a fun, pocket funded shoot-fest that will keep you on your seat the whole run time. Be fast on the draw or die by the law!    

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