If Microwave Massacre ever took itself seriously, it would be a pretty fucked up horror movie. But it doesn't. It's so far from serious that Jackie Vernon (Frosty the Snowman) plays the main guy in this flick, and every time he opens his mouth, it made me want to watch Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer. There is no way, shape or form that this could have taken for it to be a legitimate scare film, let alone a "good" one. In my somewhat seasoned opinion, this is a "good" one because of how fucking terrible it is. Yeah. Another one of those "so bad it's good" deals. And it's really because of the writing and the situations that are presented here that make it an enjoyable experience for all of the wrong reasons. Or at least reasons that any normal film buff would just scoff at. How many fright flicks have the word massacre in the title? Who knows. There's way to many of them and I'm not going to start listing them here. But this is the only one that I know of that features a huge ass microwave that takes up an entire kitchen wall. An entire dismembered body can fit in there. And it does. Donald gets hungry. He tires of his wife making these big, extravagant meals including crab sandwiches. He wants food he can just grab and go with. Once he gets to the point of whacking his wife (that doesn't sound good) he wraps her body parts in foil and shoves them in the freezer in the garage. What a swell place. What a swell guy. At least he'll have plenty of cold cuts for his lunch from now on. Sorry. That was just.... bad.
I'm not that hungry.
Juggies!
"I have to go to the breast room, I mean restroom."
That's the biggest goddamn microwave I've ever seen.
"I can't remember the last time I had something good to eat." Then he walks right into June's crotch.
May can't even light a candle.
What a nice pussy. Pussy, pussy, pussy.
This scene embodies the total opposite of spring cleaning.
Wasting food, much?
Them midnight snacks are tough, wait....
Dude's fly is open.
He's going to put you in that microwave, sweet thang.
"I'm so hungry I could eat a whore."
I never thought mayonnaise could be so sexy.
Suffocated with a loaf of bread.
A prime example of how the dark humor is played out in Microwave Massacre, there is a scene where Donald has one of his girls on a table in the kitchen. He has a life sized jar of mayonnaise, a life sized butter knife that he covers the chicks entire body with the mayonnaise with and slices of bread that have to be at least 5ft in length. The bread covers her whole body essentially making a "whore sandwich". Take that however you want, but this film goes to places with food that I wasn't expecting, and if you bother to watch it, you probably won't either. Is it fun? Yep. Is it stupid? You better believe it. Just go into it knowing that this is probably the class clown of cannibal movies, and you'll feel right at home. Make a couple of bologna and cheese sandwiches before hand just in case your wife makes a shit dinner as well. We don't want you ending up like Donald here. Putting his wife in the nuker. Eh, she deserved it.
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