L.A. Aids Jabber

 

From what I understand, L.A. Aids Jabber is more on the rarer or forgotten side of shot on video until recently since Visual Vengeance has decided to give this mess the boutique blu-ray treatment. I do not own a copy of this piece (and now that I've seen it, I'm on the fence about it) and can assure you that SOV die-hards out there are going to get their punctures from this hypodermic cringe when the time is right. The time will be right when Jeffery decides it is because he's the one going around stabbing people with needles that contain his own contaminated blood, and to be quite honest and upfront, this is a pretty unique idea for any kind of a film, let alone a shoe string budgeted affair from 1994. Most of the time with these kinds of films it's a ghost doing some weird shit or some teenagers crapping out a kitchen knife or a sledgehammer disappearing and reappearing in a corner somewhere-but not in L.A. Aids Jabber. The people involved with this flick tried to make this as real as they possibly could have, and now it's a sought after underground work that has seen the light of day on a format it has no business being printed on. The be honest, no SOV should ever make it to blu-ray and beyond because this kind of slime doesn't deserve mainstream greatness-it deserves to wallow in the musty, bizarre smelling and carpeted corners of your local mom and pop video shops of yesteryear. This is the kind of trash that makes me realize that all good things have to end at some point, even if that means getting stabbed with a needle that's infected with the eternally indestructible aids virus.

The basis of L.A. Aids Jabber starts itself off with Jeff and his girlfriend sitting in his car while she nags him every two seconds about him not listening to her, and in between that annoying non-sense, he's dealing with the fact that he's having some kind of stomach pains going on. They get pissed at each other and make a dumb comment about "living in junk food city" which could be the source of Jeffery's issues, and then they separate for the night. The next morning, Jeff decides to go to the doctor to have some tests done, and his doctor that looks like a dime store Denzel Washington lets him know that the bloodwork that was done on him confirms that he indeed does have the sweet, sweet aids virus. He becomes engulfed in rage and makes a hit list of sorts to pay back the many assholes that have wronged him over the years (he's only about 18 or 19) and the first person he calls to perform such actions on is a hooker named Tanya. Good times. He convinces her dirty ass to meet him somewhere so they can get crazy again (with no clothes on) and he proceeds to jab her in the neck with a needle that has his blood in it. What a way to spread the ultimate death. He keeps adding people to the list as he goes along as well before the reporter Judy and the cops start figuring out what's going on until they shoot his ass. Yeah, Jeff does have karma slap him in the face towards the end, but then again the universe also decided it was a good idea to give him a personal nuclear clock-the aids virus. What a shitty hand to be dealt.

Damn your girlfriend is annoying.

He's probably got the A.I.D.S.

I live in junk food city too and my stomach is pretty good 99% of the time.

How could you not believe the SOV version of Denzel Washington as a doctor.

I want to see who's on Jeff's hit list. It's gotta be a doozy.

Tighten that tourniquet you aids infected motherfucker.

Fuck the media.

People in this film have a lot of issues listening to each other while they're sitting next to each other in cars.

Holy shit, I never knew the greatest haircut a guy could ever have would be a mix between a power mullet and the A Flock of Seagulls hair-do.

No one cares about this pointless side story with this Scalia jackass.

I want to meet a guy named Rick Lizard.

Nothing is for free-especially trying to tell someone their future.

I hate to say this zits and zombies, but L.A. Aids Jabber is a purgatory flick. I'm glad I saw this before I decided to do a blind buy because I really don't think I'm going to be doing a revisit any time soon. This is for sure a solid SOV entry because of the unique idea of people being stuck and stabbed with a needle that contains aids tainted blood, but it's just not enough to warrant multiple viewings or eating up space on my shelf. I'd say that if you're curious about it, you'll have a good time. Just make sure you bring plenty of bleach and Clorox wipes to clean up the blood. And wear disposable gloves-you're going to need plenty of those. I don't blame Jeff for stabbing his boss at the furniture store though-that guy was a clownshoe.