Mini-Golf Massacre

 

Our boy Leroy gets thrown out of keeping his job at the Puttz mini-golf course because according to fat ol' Mr. Puttz, the economy can't handle him working there anymore, so off he goes to be thrown to the wolves for better food, better beer and greater opportunities. Leroy doesn't find better food but he does find some beer at the local shit-hole bar and his greater opportunity turns out to be stealing the Chucklehead mask out of Mr. Puttz's car when he shows up at that same watering hole to pick up his burger from the bartender, which leads him to going around the mini-golf course in broad daylight and snuffing people out with mini-golf clubs, his bare hands and tying one of his ex-co-workers to a chair in front of one of the ball throwing machines in the batting cages. This is absolutely the most hilarious death scene in any film that I've seen in quite some time because it is one of those moments where you just have to experience it yourself to get the full effect-especially in the flow and context of what Mini-Golf Massacre has to offer. There really isn't to much here that Mini-Golf Massacre really does have to give away in terms of pure entertainment value, but the amount of times I rolled my eyes and actually laughed out loud while this 31 minute shot on video affair from 2013 played out on my pc monitor made up for anything else it could have done better. Which, in reality, is basically everything. This is a home made, back pocket project that only a very few will be able to appreciate, and I'm proud to say that I'm one of the elite in this group when it comes to films like this that 98% of the population would just stop sitting through within the first couple of minutes.

This is one of those short films where it resides in a vortex of unbelievable reality because let's be honest-who's really going to go this nuts (or nuts at all) from being let go from a position at a mini-golf course where you're tearing tickets for kids, stocking garbage prizes behind the counter you could easily acquire at the dollar store and making sure the arcade machines are playing properly. No one. No fucking one. Except Leroy. Leroy loved his job so much that he ends up getting absolutely gassed at that shitty bar I mentioned before, and after he throws back who knows how many shots of straight potato liquor and fermented wheat (the edit for this montage of getting plastered is complete with terrible rock music and ripple effects all over the screen letting you know that he's downright schwasted) he decides the best course of action is to wait until Mr. Puttz is inside the bar so he can steal the Chucklehead mask out of his passenger seat, and makes his way back to the mini-golf course to start rampagin' and killin' innocent people that are just outside trying to have a good time. I never knew that I would enjoy watching some ass-clown with a ridiculously stupid mask whacking people with a mini-golf club, but here I am, letting you know that if you have the right mindset and the film endurance to stomach such a fucking gross turd, then you're in luck. Just don't let Rex touch the saw. No one told him he could do that.

It's just a regular day at the mini-golf course.

Mr. Puttz? This guy looks like a putz.

Get lost, creep? You should have said, "get lost, you putz."

"Who told you to touch the saw, Rex?"

"Am I driving? Of course I'm driving!" "You're driving me nuts!"

Damn that's a lot of vodka.

That bench is about to snap in half. I'm glad Mr. Puttz isn't sitting on it.

Is Mr. Puttz that much of a local celebrity that the bartender had to interrupt everyone by announcing that he's going to be coming in to get a burger over the mic at his establishment?

Mr. Chucklehead is creeping in the outhouse!

"I'm a chef, I'm a chef, I'm a chef, I'm a chef, I'm a chef..."

Rex has the shittiest fake Brooklyn accent of all time. 

I'm going to attempt a hole-in-one here zits and zombies and say that Mini-Golf Massacre is a one of a kind treat. It's a short where I feel like my life is actually a little more complete knowing that it exists, and I feel healthier having actually watched it. We all need to release some anger once in awhile because of things that are going on in our lives, and Leroy figured out a cathartic way to express that himself. Although people were killed with mini-golf clubs and speedy baseballs shot at their heads, he was still able to do it in an orderly fashion, during work hours to satisfy some customers. That's the name of the game here and just because he became a maniac with a giant golf ball head terrorizing people doesn't mean he didn't have a reason. He just really loved working at that damn mini-golf course. Oh, and Leroy is basically one of the Polonia Brothers and an over exaggerated Ray Romano had a kid. Let that sink in as you decide if you want to track this down or not. Time to sink that eagle.