Video Murders

 

What we have here with Video Murders is a film that makes you believe that you're going on a sleazy ride. A dirty excursion full of female nudity, blood, asphyxiation and magnetic tape. Very, very small bits of all of those are present here, interjected with two extremely long winded chase scenes involving the main detective and our killer, David Lee Shepherd. He has the name of an 80's rock god to be perfectly honest with you, but he never even comes close to living up to such an upper crust that is so hard to reach. The very best parts of Video Murders are the title card, the psychology behind David Shepherd's character and that's about it. I truly wanted this flick to go much deeper than it does because I'm into all of that serial killer bull-snickety, but once you get through certain scenes contained here and you realize that David is a sad, broken mama's boy that turns to filming his female strangulations, you kind of don't give a shit. I personally wanted to grab him by the collar of his stupid white button-up shirt and start shaking him around while yelling "snap out of it man! There's plenty of other career paths out there besides owning a video company!" He also doesn't need to kidnap and kill random women to get his mother's attention either. But that's what happens when you lose it and you don't know what to do anymore. Suicide, murder, and recording your actions like R. Kelly did. Yeah, I mentioned that. At least David wasn't into little girls. And peeing on them.

The very first thing that happens in Video Murders is that David has a solid sit down in front of his boob tube with some chinese food. He peers at some blonde chick swinging her melons around on his t.v. screen for a few minutes, he sweats profusely, turns it off and decides to go to some bar for a drinky-drink. This random black hooker catches his cancerous eye, and he follows her in his crappy van, even after she gets on a motorcycle with some other random guy. She gives him the bird for no real reason, and then David all of a sudden is there to pick her up. After arriving at his shitty apartment (or hotel room-whatever it is) she pays him 300 smackeroons to "play some video games" and then he proceeds to choke her ass on camera. Now that I'm thinking about it, I guess this flick is sort of Maniac-light, except there's stuff being filmed and David sweats a lot. Basically after this, not much else happens. He goes and does the same thing a couple more times until he kidnaps the ridiculously naïve Melissa, whom he ends up considering to be his "girlfriend" at some point. He forces her to wear one of his mother's dresses, ties her to a bed post and films himself apologizing to his mom about being a loser and a serial killing piece of shit and then springboards into one of the longest chase scenes in film history. This shit feels like it's never going to end. And when the cops finally catch him, it was pretty much all for nothing. I'll leave it at that.

Chinese food is always a good way to start off a night of murder and pornography.

This dude is one sweaty mother.

She's got nice bewbs.

Holy shit, radio shack? Take me back, man!

He'll give you $100 because he's a simp from the 80's.

$300 to play video games? You better be buying a new console or something.

Your suspects name is David Shepherd? I thought it was Kyle Reese.

Laces out you little bastard.

What are you crying for-you're the one who enjoys killing women and video taping it.

The fuzz is gonna get'cha!

Oh, I think David Lee is a killer. He's a real good boy that sweats a lot and strangles women on film.

The Insatiables are the most 80's 80's band that the 80's have ever produced. From the 80's.

Hi-you're real sweaty. Mind if I sit down?

C'mon lady, you can't tell that you're eating a meal with a psycho?

Zits and zombies, I really wanted more from Video Murders. The potential is here for something really great, but it just falls flat unfortunately and really doesn't come close to providing what the audience wants from an entry like this. I'm not going to say this is a total waste because it isn't, it's just everything that takes place in the realm of David Lee Shepherd isn't very exciting. It would have fared a lot better if the film went to darker, more extreme places in certain scenes to punctuate just how fucked up of a guy he really is, but the way this flick stands is sort of a cartoonish reminder that cult film makers could do so much better. I could recommend Video Murders if you're a fan of the insanely boring SOV Spine or if you're just that curious that you have to watch it no matter what anyone tells you. Order some kung-pow chicken first. You'll need to pack as much of your own punch here to make it through.