The Janitor

The Janitor was released on dvd by Elite Entertainment in 2005. The only reason I even had heard of this film was because I randomly saw an ad for it some sort of trashy horror or b-movie rag at borders (before the one in Champaign closed down). Unfortunately, I don't remember which one it was. And then I tracked down the trailer (I'll post it at the end for you to see as well if you haven't) and sweet deep fried Jesus I had to find a copy of this movie! The trailer alone was enough for me to want to see this should-of-been Troma film as it is loaded with tons of unnecessary nudity, sex, gore, violence and any of the usual Troma or other wise low budget business.
 

Schwinnnnggg!
 

Sorry, wrong movie.
 

The film begins with Lionel doing the usual janitor bullshit, you know-cleaning toilets, stalls and urinals full of piss and poo? And then some jackass with some serious office/morning wood gives Lionel a nice warm golden shower while he's detailing the grout in the bathroom with a toothbrush. Another reason to brush your teeth before heading to bed. He then ties him to a chair out in the field behind the office building, waters him down with some good old lighter fluid and sends his hair-in-a-can wearing ass to hell in a magnificent ball of flames. I love low budget indie films.
 

Lionel and Mr. Grobow talk about some dumb janitor gar-bitch and then we see they live in the janitor's closet in the building with only pillows and blankets. Huh. I guess I AM doing better than someone in the custodial arts. Lionel gets pissed because his boss suggests he gets a second job because "he can't afford all the extra hours he's been working.'' A desk jockey ass-hat makes a snide remark, gets a hilariously sarcastic plunger to the face and then gets thrown off the roof on the parking lot. Mannequin style.
 

Lloyd Kaufman gets his arm ripped off in broad daylight next to a dumpster with a huge Troma sign on it. Product placement or shameless advertising? You figure it out. Lionel has a date with one of the office whores, Hillary. He gets ready by scrubbing his armpits with a car wash sponge and gurgles some Windex. You've got a killer scene there man. He heads to the park and waits all night only to find two dumb asses putting graffiti on the wall of a building. He then stabs one of them in the eye, breaks the others leg off and "paints the wall with it" rips the other guys heart out through his back and curb stomps his ENTIRE HEAD INTO A FUCKING MESS OF BLOOD AND GOOP. Were only 17:43 in here folks.
 

He picks up some weird hooker, she gives him some head, he has a day dream sort of thing with him and Hillary washing windows and eating some guys arm. Then he decapitates her and her mouth is still stuck on his dick. Hilarious. 
 

CUE SOME DOUCHEBAGGERY FROM THE MAIL BOY!
 

Sorry.
 

  FBI Agent Page informs everyone in the office about the decapitated hooker and how the killer's jizz was still in her mouth. Dear god. Agent Page has his two idiotic partners take Lionel's jizz to be dna tested, but Lionel and Mr. Grobow intercept them and then... Mr. Grobow drink's Lionel's "stuff" from the container so no one will find it. "Mmmm, salty." My wife almost threw up. So did I.
 

Lloyd Kaufman gets his other arm ripped off. After finding out Hillary quit, Lionel goes to a bar and meets three sorority girls. Glory is the sexy one. She really reminds me of a smaller version of Elke the Stallion. If you don't know who she is, please look up some pictures of her on Google or Bing. You won't be disappointed. Mr. Grobow loses his shit when Lionel tells him that he's starting to work at the sorority house next week. I think Mr. Grobow is gay or homo-erotic or just plain weird. Either of them really.
 

Lionel tells his boss that he's going to start cleaning a sorority house and then two office dingleberries come around the corner to piss off Lionel as much as possible. They dump coffee on the ground, hock loogies, piss and shit on his work boots. And then they have to clean it up because their boss catches them. What a pity. After a week passes, Willis takes Lionel and Mr. Grobow's place and Lionel is getting ready to start cleaning at the sorority house.
 

TOPLESS PILLOW FIGHT! 
 

As a man, of course I love this scene. It's in there for me and all of the other testosterone fuled horror freaks out there to enjoy. It's all just a gory, campy, sexually charged-carnage fest from here on out after Lionel finds out that Mr. Grobow stole his spot at the sorority house out of spite and jealousy. I would tell you about the end, but I really don't want to ruin it for you if you haven't seen this film already. If you watch the trailer below and are interested, find a copy physically or online somewhere because to be honest and fair, The Janitor kicks some serious indie film ass and anyone that's a Troma fan will eat this up for dinner. Make sure to do the dishes. Ketchup stains are a bitch.