Escape from Tomorrow

Last year sometime towards the end of July, my wife and I decided to take a small road trip to Champaign for about three or four days as a mini vacation to visit some friends, have some coffee and alcohol with them and to pretty much forget about what was going on in our lives for a brief time. My fellow collector and advocate of anything novel or trash, Steven came by to visit us at our hotel room the night before our last. We talked at length about funny happenings that we both had missed from either side of the coin after we moved back up north, and in the middle of it all, of course our obsession with weird, garbage, filthy and gory films came around as a central part of our conversation. He had asked if I had a chance to watch the infamous Escape from Tomorrow on Netflix or otherwise. At that time, no I had not. After our trip was over and we drove back home, I DID end up watching this strange guerrilla style movie from Randy Moore, and quite frankly I don't get it. Is it a film about a guy's slow descent into madness at a theme park? Is it trying to say no matter how sweet and innocent the top layer is what lies under should stay? Whatever this is supposed to be, it's a very interesting one from a psychological standing.

An evil Disney movie without Mickey?

Anti-Steamboat Willie, here I come.

The movie opens up with Jim and his family on a ride in Disneyland, some quick shots of other things going on in the park and then some guy's head gets ripped off in the middle of the ride. Well, THAT was kind of brash. Jim is on the balcony talking to his boss and he gets fired from his job. What a way to end a vacation to Disney. Put a shirt on son. His son locked him out of the room. I'm sorry, but that's just funny. These two are the two biggest pussified parents EVER. I'm not even going to get into it. Time to ride the monorail and get a glimpse of those DAMNED CUTE, UNDER AGED GIRLS JIM WILL BE CHASING OBSESSIVELY THROUGH THE ENTIRE FILM!

Epic, happy music and a shot of the Castle. Pretty cool actually. These shots in the movie are pretty fun. The cinematography they were able to pull off is astounding really. Some of these rides really do show how dark and depressing Disney REALLY is. Jim is trying to pull some moves on his wife when the kids weren't looking and he gets denied like three times. What a fucking loser. That's probably how it is at home too. More pretty solid cinematography, but now Jim is starting to see really nasty and evil looking faces on all the Disney characters and hallucinates that his wife hates him (which is probably true) and Elliot's eyes turn black. Possession much?

The mother takes the daughter on the tea cups and Jim and Elliot wait in line for that fucking Buzz Lightyear ride. Another chance for Jim to follow those 13 year old girls. What a sick bastard. You know, I didn't really pay attention when I watched it the first time, but the production in this movie is pretty crisp. Especially since it was all done with Go Pro's and smart phones. Time for Jim to follow those girls wherever they go! Gee, they're eating a banana. What do you think Jim is thinking? They go on the go-carts just to follow them. Then Jim envisions hanging out with them and then they bump into their go-cart. How cute.

Jim seriously needs help. The girls are starting to notice that they are following them, I guess? Then Elliot asks why they're following them, and he says "I guess they like the same rides we do." What a freaking liar. More following of the girls. Into Space Mountain! Jim hangs up on his wife and then he holds Elliot as he pukes behind a garbage can. Then his wife gets pissed because he took him on Space Mountain. WHO REALLY GIVES A SHIT. Seriously, isn't the whole reason of being there to experience everything? Whatever. 

Jim sees the girls again. He needs to rub one off for real. He's so into tracking the girls that he doesn't even really care that his daughter just went down into some mountain/cave area. This guy is so weak. Sara bumps into some fat scary looking asshole on a motorized cart. And his fat kid. I want to punt both of them into oblivion. Then Jim takes Sara to one of the nurses and she cleans her all up. Instead of those two 13 year olds, what about this nurse? She's pretty cute. Even if on the thin side. "Everyone is so worried about the cat flu. You could be a host and not even know it." This is where I wonder if the whole cat flu thing is supposed to be a metaphor for everyone having a dark side or something? Maybe?? I don't know.

Jim is watching Sara with some boy and then some weird street walker sits down and tells him the turkey isn't real. Of course not, it's Disney. This guy really is sex deprived, isn't he? This chick isn't even that hot. He get's seduced by her "heirloom" and then she bangs him pretty good on her bed at the hotel. This just changed gears out of nowhere. Then she reveals that the Disney Princesses are hookers basically. I don't know where this is going. Honestly. What the hell are these kids watching on her laptop? Jim takes Sara and then he goes back to their room.

The whole family is swimming in the pool at the hotel and Jim's wife is A SERIOUS BITCH. He says he got a gift for her and he gives it to her in the pool. "Dumbo, Jim? Jesus Jim, I wanted Mickey, not Dumbo." WOW. What an un-greatful piece of shit. A divorce is needed. That's probably why Jim is chasing 13 year old girls. And of course the girls get in the pool. Jim probably has a huge boner now. Better stay under that water son. Jim is son enthralled with those girls that he doesn't even notice his wife yelling at him for the umpteenth time. I probably wouldn't either. 

Jim's in their room getting shwasted! That's the spirit sir! Drink your pain away! Off to Epcot. Jim spots that fat mother from earlier. Jim is in his own world getting fucked up again. I like Jim better drunk. Jim is completely blasted now and they are on a water ride. He sees more weird faces and then he tosses his cookies. That's what I'm talking about sir. Jim applies some neosporin on his foot from stepping on glass earlier and then he proceeds to clean his socks in the sink. His wife starts to catch on that he's been following the girls and now she calls him on it. Jim admits to getting fired and then the mother slaps Sara in the face. I love family drama.

Jim and Sara go on some ride where they sit up to an IMAX looking screen and Jim imagines some topless girl on the screen saying "soon, you'll be all mine." Jim sees Epcot come off it's wires and then he gets spat in the face by one of those teenage girls. Now Sara is gone. Sweet Jesus. He gets shocked in the balls and is now spinning slowly on some chair. He get enveloped in a mini disco ball, and some scientist guy tells him he has a very good imagination, almost like Walt himself. I still don't get it. I just don't get it. Is Jim squirting neo on the controls and everything supposed to be the end of his sexual frustration? Then he shoots the scientists head off and finds out he's a robot. That's generic.

 Jim is getting crazy looking for Sara, distracting people from the fireworks and everything. Jim attacks that fat guy because he tripped him. Under age drinking, huh? This film goes anywhere it wants, doesn't it? That chick Jim screwed earlier has Sara in one of the rooms on a bed of flowers in a princess dress. A subtle play on human trafficking?? I'm so confused right now. Maybe I'm going a little TOO deep. Sara breaks the evil princesses heirloom and then she disappears behind a door. Ooooook. Jim bleeds from the nose and then has the worst shits I've ever heard. Then he coughs up a hairball. Or two. What the fuck is going on here? Yes. The cat flu. I really don't know what that has to do with anything. Elliot sees his dad just sitting there all covered in blood and then closes the door. What a dick. Even if he is only six.

 The mother gets up and sees Jim sitting there with cat eyes, a goofy ass smile and blood on his face. 

A bio team comes and collects Jim's body. I really don't think Elliot cares. He's going to be a serial killer when he grows up. The clean up guys have a smoke and then we see Mickey and Goofy for a split second then they haul Jim's body away. Then a limo shows up with Jim getting out with a really attractive toothpick and daughter in his arm. That's it. That's the end.

Whew.

I really don't know what to make of this film. I just don't. As of writing this, this is my third viewing of it and I can't really justify what it was even put together for. What's the point? That no matter how innocent and sweet someone or something is, there will always be an underlying dark side. That's all I'll get out of this film and that's all I ever will. Time to play some Mickey Mania on the Sega Genesis.