Top five worst of the year + runners up (2015)

Zits and zombies-the first year of Cinema Slayer is coming to an end. It has been an unhinged blast and I couldn't have done it without you. And from the inspirational likes of Bleeding Skull!, Oh, the Horror, Gorepump's Horror Dump and the legendary Fangoria magazine-I probably would've never have even bothered. My passion for collecting and watching horror flicks goes deep and it's only going to get deeper the longer Cinema Slayer lives on.

Even though I did watch, discover and write about quite a few great horror flicks this year, I never, ever would have thought that I would have come across such bottom feeding parasites. My top five worst horror films of the year are here... and there's no turning back.

 #5. Bloody Harvest: Scarecrows from Hell

I hate this fucking movie for one main reason-it's boring as shit. None of the characters are like-able and every one of them is dating or married to one of the other characters. About 95% of the film is wasted with everyone bickering with everyone and it goes nowhere. You also see the scarecrows for maybe five minutes or less and then it's "were breaking up/getting divorced"... bickering, arguing, and then it's over. Finally.

#4. Mr Jones

 Another snooze fest comes with the name Mr. Jones attached to it. A couple goes to a cabin literally in the middle of nowhere to try to repair their relationship by being together 24/7 for a whole year. They keep running across these scarecrow looking things that are supposedly put together by some guy that lives in the woods that everyone calls "Mr. Jones". Of course, curiosity gets the better of them, they break into his underground lair, it turns into a found footage piece of shit, and then I kill myself. Waste of my time.

#3. Glitter Goddess: Queen of the Sunset Strip

I still have no idea what the hell this "documentary" is supposed to be about. Apparently it's about some chick named Llana that becomes an Alice Cooper groupie. Once again, I never made it that far into this one because it didn't make any sense. The light-bright, windows paint intro that lasts 4-5 minutes is way to long winded, and you get to see Oprah's fat ass right afterwards. Llana's mom was gay, her dad tries to convince her to drink her milk instead of eating candy, and then I turned it off. 40 minutes was just to much.

#2. Slaughterhouse Massacre

  

My #2 worst of the year only redeems itself by having a fat sheriff towards the end of the flick. There is nothing for me to say about this piece of shit other than that it claims to be "more frightening than the Texas Chainsaw Massacre". That couldn't be anymore of a blatant lie if the distribution company wanted it to be. There is no reason at all for this film to exist except for tempting people to commit suicide.

#1. Curse on Blanchard Hill

 With every fiber of my being, I hate this goddamn atrocity. There are no words to explain how vile, loathsome and putridly produced this fucking movie is. People get killed by nothing. Music sounds like an air compressor being turned on for the first time in twenty years. A fat guy gets stabbed by Flannel Jason. If I'm ever out hunting for horror flicks to add to my collection and I see a copy of this on dvd, I'm going to set it on fire in front of everyone and start laughing manically. I have permanent brain lesions because of this pile of cat shit. Don't go near it. Ever.

Runners-up

 Jug Face

A movie about a bunch of rednecks who worship a hole in the ground (literally) couldn't be any dumber. Add the fact that the girls parents force her to have sex with her brother because "that's what the pit wants." And it also tells them which person to kill next as a sacrifice, so then an autistic guy makes that persons face into a jug. Doesn't get any dumber folks.

Last house on Hell Street

Whoever thought this final production was a good idea needs to be beaten until they can't talk anymore. This isn't a movie. This is mental torture. Filming trees and dubbing people whispering in the background isn't creepy-it's annoying. And about 3/4 of the movie is just that. Every other scene is some chick talking into the camera with an inverted color scheme and then scenes of trees and people whispering. And some chick covered in blood drinking coffee. I've got nothing left.