Alien Beasts

 

Bleeding Skull! has been a serious source of trash-horror information for me for close to six years now. My friend Steven (Champaign) introduced me to the wild world of Bleeding Skull! when Nicole and I were still dwelling in the jungles of central Illinois. At first, I wasn't quite sure what to make of the website, the way the crew wrote their reviews or what types of films they were reviewing. He had already been an avid fan for awhile at that point, and I was still pretty green. I needed to get my feet wet. No. I wanted to get my feet wet. I was just so fascinated by the fact that there was this whole underbelly of forgotten and mostly undiscovered realm of horror/low budget films that pretty much no one knows about. Those guys bring the crude stuff to the surface. Almost like Jed striking that vein of black gold-Texas T. Fame and fortune for something the happened by accident. Except, I'm pretty sure that Bleeding Skull! was no accident. It was a niche' that needed to be filled, and Joseph and crew are the right people to be gorging themselves in it. Alien Beasts is one of the many movies they've dug up over the years, and it's certainly one that I never thought I would ever see. Hell, all the movies they've reviewed are movies I never thought I would see because they're all so obscure and out of range that you need a 10/10 on your luck status sheet to be able to find these things. I found the uncut version of Alien Beasts on Youtube... and I really don't know what to say about it.  

There's backyard wrestling, now there's front yard kung fu-ing!

 

I am reminded of my friends and I in high school.

 

Is the narrator out of breath?!

 

Gas mask George punched Bill Gates!

 

I hate to admit this, but I feel sorry for Sarah. She's to cute to be involved in a movie like this.

 

Get on with it, man.

 

Talking at each other very loudly seems to be mandatory in this film.

 

Flashes of a random old guy. That looks like my grandpa. Creepy.

 

It's top quality when people are dead in the movie are still breathing.

 

This scene of "the female enemy is stealing the weapon" has literally went on for fifteen minutes straight. And all it is is her taking her top off, rummaging through the same pile of clothes over and over again, putting on a jump suit and then finding some really shitty looking paintball gun or something. 

 

I only have one quote for this movie: "Alien Beasts is one of the most nonsensical, boorish, trashy SOV flicks that I've ever had the pleasure of viewing." Basically, I felt like I was on every legal and illegal drug and substance all at once while watching this. If you even bother looking this one up on Youtube, be prepared. Every last brain cell you have left that could be used for something more positive or constructive will be destroyed. And you'll have a great time killing them. Thank you Bleeding Skull! for all the hard work. I now am officially a real fan of yours.