Goblin

Watching a Todd Sheets film is fun, engrossing and all around something that everyone needs to experience once. His films are always encumbered with no nudity, barely any profanity, heavy metal and buckets and gobs of cheap ass gore. Lots of cheap ass gore. I wish that there was a way for him or a movie distribution company to print a box set of every movie that he's ever made into one big ass box set. I would snatch that shit up immediately, no questions asked. I don't own very many of his movies, but the ones that I have come across have been nothing short of "what the fuck did I just watch" type of experiences that I unfortunately will never feel ever again do to seeing them already. Goblin has been high on my list of "need to watch Todd Sheets" films because, quite frankly, it sounded insane. And amazing. And I wanted to see some guy dressed as a goblin only to be wearing shorts, sneakers, a beat up turban and shredded kitchen towels you use to dry the wet dishes with. Also, Todd Sheets' go to guy, Jerry Angell appears in this for about three minutes. Then he's sawn in half with an electric hedge trimmer. I smiled.

   Fuck those thistles. Go have a beer. Jerry Angell.

Return Fire music? For five seconds?

 Now that Jerry's guts are on the floor, we can return to our regularly scheduled program.

Opening that suitcase was uneventful and stupid.

It's a me, Mario!

Perfect food for this kind of $50 SOV film - pizza.

So, the Goblin came from where?

 Power drill to the eye!

Man, the acting is stale in this.

 There's some brutal kills in here. I dig it, Hotchka!

More Return Fire music?!

Sorry Todd. But this exterior shot of the house is taking way to long. Padding. I call padding.

That's the only thing in Goblin I wasn't a fan of was all the really long shots of the exterior of the house the movie takes place in. I feel like Todd did that on purpose just to make the film feel longer when it didn't need to be. That's why I called padding. Another great example of padding is all the slow motion used in Sledgehammer or the pointless walking from the house to mailbox and back to the house again about two or three times in Woodchipper Massacre. Padding. Other than that, Goblin was a terribly bad, good time and I recommend it to all of you zits and zombies. Make sure you wash the dishes first.