Woodchipper Massacre

Screw it. I was deciding earlier if I wanted to either watch this or One Hour Photo, and I ended up picking Woodchipper because it felt like I needed to re-visit this movie. I've watched it so many times I really didn't need to watch it again to take notes, but I wanted all those little details, you know? Not only that, but I've been meaning to go back and watch through all of my Camp Motion movies anyway. The first Camp movies I ever bought were this and Ghoul School. That's a great one as well. I really don't even know why I love Woodchipper so much. Maybe it's because what happens through out the film could actually happen. Sort of. Not as cheese-lily I guess is what I'm looking for. But accidentally killing a family member with a knife and figuring the best way to dispose of the body is grinding it up with a wood-chipper could actually be conceived by someone in real life, and that's actually what's messed up about this movie. Everyone over looks that fact when they view it. 

Shitty 80's electronica music and Jon chopping branches up with a chainsaw? Ooooohhh yeah.

These kids are as annoying as shit and ugly as balls. That sweater Denise is wearing is freaking hideous.

Jon McBride is wearing a Cosby sweater as well. Jesus.

I love scenes where you're forced to watch someone pull out of the driveway or walk from the front of the house to the mailbox, and all the way back again.

That is positively the worst dinner I've ever seen.

The way Tommy plays air guitar to one of the worst guitar solos ever is fucking brilliant. 

Aunt Tess is finally dead. Thank God.

Dismembered for the wood-chipper! Too bad you never actually see anything.

Kim looks grunge before grunge ever even happened.

Shoving Kim head first through the wood-chipper was a fantastic idea.

  The Casio keyboard music that is dubbed over certain scenes in the movie is just way too silly to ever take it seriously. Yes, I know that's the point.

 I've watched and read alot of negative reviews about this film. And I get it. It really is garbage. But I love it. I hold it as one of my favorite SOV's of all time and I've already explained why at the beginning of this post. Really if you're just a die hard fan of SOV horror, indie or just plain low budget bullshit, you need this on your shelf next to other Camp greats like Killing Spree, Video Violence and the Zombie Bloodbath Trilogy. If I was related to Aunt Tess and Kim, I'd probably shove them in a wood-chipper too. Don't deny it, you agree with me. Just buy this dvd. Like, now.

Nighttime Lover

This is vhs #4 from John's bag' o' movies. I honestly thought it was just going to be some dumb and pointless soft-core movie about hookers or prostitution. That's probably about 25%. The other 75% to my surprise was actually a pretty well made (even with the low budget) film about a woman named Diandra who is a starving/struggling artist that desperately needs to make ends meet. Her first official art show is upon her, and she meets this guy named Arthur Benton who goes to art shows on a daily basis (apparently) and meets the artist, tells them if they suck or not, and buys one of their pieces. Diandra is in for a dark, weird and wild ride.

 Nudie girl photo-shoot. I like this movie already.

I'm not going to hide this. Diandra reminds me of me because I feel like a tortured artist with my music. Just like how she reacted by yelling and screaming, "it's not about the money, it's about the art!" I've done that to people in the past before.

Sweet, sweet soft-core.

This escort shit is shady son.

Thong!

Diandra doesn't look good with blonde hair, even if it is a wig.

Arthur Benton is one weird, complex and intelligent bastard.

I wish someone would wire me $10,000 because they thought I had potential.

Well, a dungeon huh. I can't wait.

I don't think I ever want to go to one of these places. Watching porn is one thing but actually standing there in person watching some buff dude bang a chick behind a window with bars isn't really my thing.

Finger-banged in an alley. How thoughtful.

This movie took me on a ride that I really wasn't ready for. It actually explores the ideas of art and human integrity and kind of just adds the sex stuff on the side to keep you interested. Honestly, even of this movie didn't have any nudity or sex in it, I think I probably would've liked it anyway because I don't think there's too many movies out there quite like Nighttime Lovers. Maybe there are, I don't really care. I'll give you another one John. You're at +2.  

Hamburger-The motion picture

A few posts back, I posted about borrowing a bag full of movies on vhs from my friend John that he said "I need to see" or "I should see". This film, Hamburger-The motion picture is vhs #3 that I finally got around to viewing, and man, was John right. This movie is a movie that I needed to see. Watching this made me pretty sad that it never made it past the vhs era, and I really believe that a film distribution company needs to pick up the rights to this movie and give it the Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack collector's edition treatment. Seriously. Shout Factory? Lions Gate? Anchor Bay? Anyone? Anyone? This movie is best described as a fast food version of Police Academy/Animal House/Porky's/Airplane!/Revenge of the Nerds all smashed together very coherently into a hilarious package of hambugers, college, eating pussy and probably the greatest scene where a wacky hamburger machine goes out of control and mayo, ketchup, mustard and anything else on a burger makes a huge fucking mess. Kick ass. There's also Mr. Pickle torture chamber-things that look like iron maidens on the inside.

Is the theme song for this sung by John Mellencamp or that guy that did all of the theme songs for 90's family sitcoms such as Step by Step, Family Matters and Full House?

 "My parents want me to finish college, but all I do at school is have sex!"

Damn, this guy doesn't have to do shit, and he gets tits in his face!

I think that Mr. Pickle guy looks a little too happy.

"Fuck off, Mr. Pickle!"

Do this many people attend McDonald's college?

Security guards with Uzi's. Quality.

Is it just me, or do women from the 80's look way hotter than they do now?

This fat guy electrocuting himself is fucking hilarious.

Did that fat guy from the "food club" just steal a hamburger from Randy Rhoads and his girlfriend?

 Once again, this movie was a fucking riot. There needs to be a modern release of this movie so more people can see it. Even if Netflix or Hulu picked it up, that would be awesome because the vhs seems to be pretty difficult to find, and kind of pricey. John told me that he's thinking of putting it on ebay. I told him to keep it. I'm giving you another plus one John. You are now at +1. Good day.

Vile

When it comes to horror (or even movies in general) the torture porn sub-genre really has never been my thing. I just never could wrap my head around people getting viciously tortured for 90 minutes and people actually enjoying it. Sadists do exist. I will admit that I am a Saw and Hostel fan however, and I'm sure some of you reading this will probably just scoff and say some dumb shit like, "Those aren't real torture porn movies! If you want real shit, watch this!" I really could care less. If I'm going to watch something in the world of horror give me something similar to what I've posted about on here so far or anything that Fangoria or Bleeding Skull is interested in. Now those movies are entertaining! I like it when people do dumb things or watching a film with a $50 budget and a guy with a power mullet. That's my shit right there son. I just finished watching Vile on Netflix, and it really just was meh at best. Nothing really ground breaking at all.

 Getting a massive handful of salt shoved into your chest cavity while strapped to a hospital bed can't feel good.

I'm not a fan of this jumpy-shot, close-up editing shit.

Stop thinking with your penis, you're going to get into trouble.

To be quite honest, I wasn't expecting this blonde chick to gas and capture everyone in the van. In a gas mask no less.

 Soooo, is this a Saw II rip off?

This is just torture porn for the sake of torture porn.

Really? There's no pen and paper anywhere randomly in this ugly english looking woman's house? So you break a plate, cut up one of your fingers and write numbers on the pieces of broken plate so you guys can see what order your going to torture each other. Well, at least they're trying to be organized about it.

 There's a lot of fingernail pulling in this movie.

I actually kind of enjoyed the brutality in them torturing the asian chick because I felt like she deserved it.

The story was weak, it wasn't really fully explained and the violent parts really weren't that violent or gory. At least that's what I thought. Even if there were more gore and more brutal shit in this movie than what is already there, it still wouldn't really make me like it anymore than I already do. Which isn't all that much. Watch if you're a hardcore TP fan and need to see every film in that sub-genre, otherwise it's kind of a waste of 90 minutes.

Return to Sleepaway Camp

Remember my good pal Steven that lives in Champaign I've mentioned more than a few times already? Well, this is yet another movie that I borrowed from him while living in central Illinois. Actually, he got me into this series all together because I never even knew about the original one at all until I started getting into this hobby. He lent me the original at some point as well, but I'll get to that one when I start doing this series on here I plan on calling "Box Set-itis" where I'm going to pick a boxset I have in my collection, talk about what movies are in it, where I got it from, how much it cost... that's neither here or there right now. Return to Sleepaway Camp is technically the only "true" sequel in the series because it actually has Ricky and Angela in it as well as the main camp counselor from the original film. And it continues 20 some odd years after the first one took place with Ricky working on a construction site driving a bulldozer and Angela being locked up in a mental hospital.

 You know this is going to be a good time when the movie opens with a bunch of dumb 12 year old boys lighting their farts on fire in their cabin.

Alan is annoying, fat, ugly, socially inept and wears the same sweat stained shirt the entire movie.

Get ready to hear Alan say "your ass stinks" about 5 million times.

Ooooooooh, face first into the deep fryer!

I can't lie, if I was at Camp Manabe while Alan was there, I'd probably torture his ass too.

This scene where "weed" gets blown up is uber cheesy and epic at the same time.

I love all of the scenes that take place in the rec hall.

Vincent Pastore's girlfriend in this movie is fucking HOT. Too bad you only see her for about 10 seconds.

This scene where Randy's dick gets ripped off with fishing line is pretty damn brutal.

  If there was only just the original Sleepaway Camp and this one, that would be perfect. But then there wouldn't be that cool Sleepaway Camp boxset from Anchor Bay either. And Pamela Springsteen may have never tried her hand at acting either. Not like it would've made a difference whether she did or not anyway. This movie is grossly entertaining and if you are even remotely interested in what was done after the original or are a fan of horror-comedy movies, then you need to do yourself a favor and watch this. Please. I beg of you. If you don't, your ass stinks.  

Prototype X29A

This movie had randomly shown up on Netflix recently and just from the name and the usual three-looping photo thing that they setup for every movie and tv show that they put up for their customers' consumption, I was immediately drawn in. I added it to my list right then and there. It took a couple of weeks for me to get around to watching it (as the movies Killer's Moon and Frank were added in the same fashion to my list and still have not been watched as of yet) and to be fair, I was mostly disappointed. Not all the way... mostly. I was seriously expecting some sort of early 90's Terminator-esque blast fest with some unknown lead actor as an Arnold wannabe, but that didn't happen. This film ended up being the total opposite of what I expected from an early 90's sci-fi/action promoted film. My nose for trash cinema isn't perfect, you know.

I know this came out in '92, but I can't help but have the feeling that I'm watching a Matrix/Terminator/Mad Max mash up with a little Fallout/Damnation Alley sprinkled on top.

The POV from the Prototype makes me think I'm playing an FMV game from the Sega CD such as Ground Zero Texas or Night Trap.

So, the prototype just randomly shut down because, why?

    20 years later and... everything looks exactly the same!

I hope in the year 2077 there are cute, dirtied-up girls with messy hair and leather berets and doofus male counterparts with cyber punk power mullets. Great Scott!

The Wachowski brothers had to have seen this before they made the original Matrix film. They had to have.

Whoever choreographed this fight scene did a pretty shit-tastic job.

Chandra just gave Hawk blue balls. The man is in a wheel chair for fucks sake. How dare she.

These fight scenes are just downright awful.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, this movie ended up being the opposite of what I expected. Hawk wants desperately to walk again, so he agrees to be the next person to be fused into one of the Prototype suits. He also does it so he can basically have sex with Chandra again and get their relationship back together. But that's really all the movie focus' on, and it just ends up feeling like a futuristic/post apocalyptic version of General Hospital or One life to Live. People or "Omegas" hook into the internet very similarly to how people connect in the Matrix movies, which is why I kept referencing that earlier as well. I really don't know who to recommend this to, if I even want to recommend it at all. I'm not even sure fans of sci-fi or post-apocalyptic flicks would even get into this movie very much. This is the only time I will be watching this so take it as you will. 

Don't go in the Woods... Alone! (Blu-ray)

If you have been keeping up with the Cinema Slayer since I started this business at the beginning of the year, you may have seen me mention a good friend of mine a couple of times by the name of Steven. He still resides in Champaign and still collects trashy horror movies, and I hold him sort of responsible for getting me into this hobby. Don't go in the Woods... Alone! is one of the first movies I borrowed from him randomly and I remember being enthralled and appalled at how terrible and hilarious it was at the same time. And I think it might have also been my entry way into paying more attention to fat sheriffs because fat sheriffs are fat. And funny. And most of the time they are bumbling idiots that wear stupid hats. That just adds so much more to that specific context that turns it into something more memorable and special than it really should be. I love the wilderness. 

 

A bunch of jump cuts of camping equipment strewn about, and a girl running through the woods as NO ONE attacks her. Kind of like Curse on Blanchard Hill.

 

The blood looks like red nail polish. Criminally Insane red nail polish.

 

The dialogue, music and voice dubbing is almost at the same level of ineptness as Things. So inept, it's radically enjoyable.

 

This guy with the pink beret and shirt reminds me of Dave Coulier. So glad he gets strangled to death.

 

I love how the sheriffs' head is so fat that his cowboy hat kind of just sits on top of it. It's almost hovering. He also plays putt-putt in his office.

 

  "Come out, you jerk, you! Come out of there you pencil necked gay!"

 

Pretty much every death scene in this movie is just overwhelmingly silly. There's nothing uneasy about them at all.

 

You know this movie is awesome when one of the main characters is wearing a pink Boogie Vision shirt. I haven't even seen that movie. I just know about it because Bleeding Skull reviewed it.

I will definitely be watching this again because just like Things, it has that feeling you get from watching something so poorly executed that you just can't help but going back and viewing it about fifty times. The blu-ray transfer is in 2k and Vinegar Syndrome did a phenomenal job of putting this 2-disc collector's edition together (have they ever printed a bad one yet?) so that weirdo's like you and I can have a copy of this inept grandeur sitting on the shelf next to The Last Slumber Party and Garbage Pail Kids. They all are clumsy, horribly executed movies, but you love them anyway.   

  

Friday the 13th part VII: The New Blood

I absolutely adore pretty much all of the movies in all of the 80's franchises such as A Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Hellraiser, Leprechaun, Children of the Corn... there's actually more than I realized there! But of all of those series', and all the movies in those series', Friday the 13th part VII: The New Blood has to be among my all time favorites. It has a lot of cool stuff going for it, and I personally think it stands out among the rest of the Jason films (among the others) even though, unfortunately, alot of the really brutal gore was tossed on the cutting room floor. Even so, I still stand by the fact that it's the best of the best when it comes to the Jason flicks. Even Cecil of GoodBadFlicks agrees. Watch his show. It kicks ass. If you ever see a post of mine that has the GBF logo, that probably means it's Cecil approved. Rightfully so.

This Jason death scene montage at the beginning is pretty damn cool.

"You hit mommy again. I hate you. I wish you were dead." Sounds more like a job for the Leprechaun or the Wishmaster than Jason Voorhees.

Random sexy time at Camp Crystal Lake never goes out of style.

Typical teenage cabin in the woods party. Nothing to see here.

Melissau? Melissow?

Robyn (Elizabeth Kaitan) is freaking hot as a redhead.

Jason slamming this chick into a tree while she's in a sleeping bag is probably his best kill in the entire Friday the 13th franchise.

I'm not too surprised that Tina's doctor is an asshole.

 When Jason crushes Ben's head with his bare hands, I wish the Unreal Tournament announcer would chime in and say "Ultra Kill."

Having Tina face off against Jason for the final act utilizing her telekinetic powers is fucking awesome.  As far as I can recall, this is the only movie in the series that has a character that can square off against Jason and beat his ass without lifting a physical finger. She sets him on fire, sends nails flying into his chest and forehead, crushes his mask around his face, blows up the house with him still inside, brings her dad back to life from the lake to strangle him... such a damn good entry. So good. And you see Elizabeth Kaitan's breasts. I'll just leave it at that. Get it on blu-ray.

 

Hellgate (1989)

Hellgate is a random movie on Netflix I've watched a couple of times on a whim because the cover art looked cool and it just sounded like a cheesy good time. And of course, I was not mistaken. I have a nose for sniffing out 70's and 80's garbage cinema, and it pretty much never fails. It led me to this crap gem, didn't it? The first time I watched it, I fell asleep (because of, what else, work... ugh) and had to watch the second half again due to my busy-body induced narcolepsy. Re-watching it again last night without falling asleep brought to my attention even more so the fact of how enjoyable this schlock fest truly is. It also makes me kind of wish that the dvd wasn't out of print (or so I've found, correct me if I'm wrong) and the vhs wasn't so hard to come by. I'd love to obtain a copy. 

 

Why do people insist on telling shitty ghost stories by a fireplace or a campfire?

 

I don't know why, but this motorcycle scene makes me want to play Full Throttle on Dos-Box.

 

There's nothing funnier than a group of tough ass bikers making sheep noises in the middle of a diner.

 

That rubber bat looks like one that I've bought at the Brookfield Zoo back when I was in grade school. String included.

 

So that's what happens when you add water to one of those dollar store dinosaurs that are supposed to grow underwater! Except this was a goldfish.

 

Does this mean this Matt guy is a ghostaphiliac or a paranormaphiliac or something? He was about to get down with a female apparition after all. Jesus.

 

Who only has one water ski? I think I'm asking too many questions at this point.

 

  This movie is exactly like how I like a nice medium-well burger or pizza-a fun, cheesy mess. I still don't quite get the connection between that blue crystal that Old Jonas finds in the mine and the town of Hellgate, but who really cares. The point is, this film was great and I hope that Netflix keeps it on for quite awhile so I can re-visit it whenever I want to.

Silent Madness

If you read the post that I wrote just before this one about Bloody Harvest, then you already know about me acquiring a plastic bag full of vhs tapes to borrow for a while. This is the second one that I watched right after Bloody Harvest, and I'm glad I did because I liked Silent Madness. It was pretty entertaining. That's kind of the point, isn't it? I liked the premise, the pacing and the fact that I wasn't able to watch it 3-D (I hate movies in 3-D) even though there's a couple scenes where you can tell they were filmed specifically for 3-D. It didn't detract from the movie at all in my opinion.

This foreboding music reminds me of the music from Sledgehammer. And there's some random boobs for you.

 Going through patients files on the computer without any kind of permission is a no-no.

A murderous mute is released from the hospital and beats the shit out of an RV and breaks a guys hand with a sledgehammer. Then he throws a hatchet into his girlfriends back!

Holy shit, it's Elizabeth Kaitan riding a skateboard down the street! Too bad the murderous mute kidnaps her and crushes her head in a machine shop vice.

Damn, Katherine Kamhi that played Meg in Sleepaway Camp is also in this movie as a sorority girl! I'm having a cult film party here!

What kind of gun did the murderous mute use to kill all those girls? Some sort of Star Trek nail gun or something?

Worst breakfast ever-Coke poured into a bowl of Captain Crunch.

A sorority house that has a freaking Dragon's Lair arcade cabinet! That's insane!

If you haven't noticed by now, I really enjoyed this movie for many reasons. You have two cute girls from two other 80's horror flicks (Friday the 13th part VII and Sleepaway Camp) a sorority house with a Dragon's Lair arcade cab, a killer mute and a couple of out of place scenes that were filmed specifically for 3-D. I loved it. Too bad the vhs is kind of pricey. +1 John. You're back at 0 again my friend.  

Bloody Harvest (Scarecrows from Hell)

Just this past Saturday night, my wife and I went out to dinner with a married couple with which we are friends with, and the male half John is one of my good friends. He too is into really weird, obscure movies as well as I. Not necessarily horror mind you, just weird, obscure cinema in general. We followed them back to their house to sit in the hot tub, drink some alcohol, say dumb jokes and embarrass our wives, because when ever the four of us hang out, that's usually what happens. Before we left this time to go home, John gave me a plastic grocery bag with about 12 unheard of vhs tapes for me to borrow and to give back whenever I can. Bloody Harvest (Scarecrows from Hell) is unfortunately the first one I decided to pop into my magically magnetic vcr because I thought "The box art looks cool, so I'll watch this first." Mortal mistake, son. Mortal mistake. This film is fucking boooorooooorrrrrrrriiiiinnnng.

A hooker in a car changes her shirt within the first minute. You do get to see some nice side boobage however.

That has got to be the phoniest scarecrow costume I've ever seen.

Every member of this group in this movie is fugly. Every single one.

A random house in the middle of the desert with no one around except you guys!? Getting some rest and shade is an awesome idea!

Of course there's a hill-jack with a shotgun. Surprised?

What the hell are these people hiking through the desert for anyway?

 This guys old man impersonation during his campfire story sounds like Burgess Meredith doing a creepy pasta on YouTube.

Damn, she shot that dude with a flare gun!

This movie shouldn't have been called, "Bloody Harvest (Scarecrows from Hell)", it should've been called, "Marital Statuses (Relationships from Hell)" because that's about what 97% of this movie is about. Every character in this movie is either married, going to get married or has a mistress on the side. You seriously only get to see the Scarecrows for a complete total of maybe 5-6 minutes through the whole damn film. I'm glad that I only borrowed this vhs and didn't actually waste any money on it. Strike one, John. Strike one.  

P2

P2 is a "horror" film that I saw in the theater back in 2007 when it came out after I had moved back from living in Las Cruces, New Mexico for about the first half of the year. Man, that was one hell of a time. I've never been more constantly drunk day after day for that long than when I lived there. My wife (then girlfriend) and I went to see this in the theater with a friend of ours and none of us ended up liking it. It was just, I don't know, slow I guess. Last night I decided to re-watch it again on Netflix because for some reason lately I've been seeing it pop up here and there online with pretty high marks. But I didn't remember it being any good. It still didn't end up being any good. It wasn't as shitty as I remember it, but it still isn't anywhere near being good enough to have a spot on my shelf in the basement. I hope there won't be a sequel called P3. That would just be dumb.

I completely forgot that this is technically a "Christmas" horror film.

Lots of boring character building at the beginning. I didn't end up caring about Angela or anyone else in this movie for that matter.

The movies' name comes from the parking floor where Angela's car is parked. How original.

Her car doesn't start when she tries to leave the parking garage. Cliche` #2.

This douche security guard (Tom) doesn't even know how to use a car battery charger. Wow.

Tom is one psychotic motherfucker.

Rachael Nichols (Angela) has a nice rack.

At the end of the day, as I stated earlier, P2 is pretty slow and grindy. There are a couple of decent kill scenes such as a guy duct taped to an office chair getting beaten with a flashlight and smashed into a wall with Tom's car and Rocky (Tom's dog) getting stabbed by Angela with a broken tire iron. The scenes where Tom is trying to get under Angela's skin psychologically are pretty well done and atmospheric though, even though they weren't nearly enough to save this movie from being a complete snooze fest.    

X-Ray/Hospital Massacre

I honestly probably should watch this movie a second time before I even bother posting on here about it, but I'm going to do it anyway. What happened was a) I was tired as shit from work, which isn't uncommon and b) for some reason amazon instant really fucked up about 3/4 of the way into this movie so even if I wasn't already falling asleep from being drained, amazon instant decided it was a good idea to go back to the loading screen when the stream started, but keep the audio going. Nice. But from what I was able to watch before both of those facts kicked in, this movie was still a little stiff even though it was a tad entertaining.

 

A brother and sister are playing with a train set in the living room, and some kid named Harold leaves a valentine he made especially for Susan on the doorstep and rings the doorbell. He runs away. Susan opens the door, brings it in, reads it, shows it to her brother, her brother crinkles it up and throws it on the ground laughing. Harold sees this through the window. 

 

Harold kills Susan's brother by hanging him by the mouth on the coat rack?? That really doesn't make too much sense.

 

19 years later, Susan grows up into the amazingly sexy Barbi Benton.

 

She has a daughter and a dick for an ex-husband. What a shocker.

 

Susan goes to the hospital for some test results or whatever.

 

Harold in the hospital window with the surgeon mask on really makes me think of that under edited scene from The Last Slumber Party where someones face gets sliced pretty hilariously.

 

Susan's been in the hospital for a lot longer than she should have been. Don't you think her new boyfriend would've called the cops by now or something? Or go in to see what's going on?

 

  That janitor is freaking creepy.

 

Harold stabs one of the doctors and gets some sweet blood spurts all over himself.

 

Susan takes her shirt off and "the doc" very slowly and suggestively does a check up on her with his stethoscope. You get to see her breasts for almost a good five minutes or so.

 

This is basically where the combination of those two reasons I mentioned at the beginning of this post prohibited me from finishing watching this potentially entertaining hospital slasher film. You would think I would've stayed awake to see what happened after seeing Barbi Benton's boobs for almost five minutes, but apparently it wasn't enough. I'll probably give it another go in the near future.  

Silent Night (blu-ray)

In my book, it doesn't have to be anywhere near Christmas time to be able to enjoy a Christmas movie, let alone a Christmas horror flick. Sure, the original Silent Night, Deadly Night was and still is somewhat controversial because, yes, for all intensive purposes, having Santa going around raping women in front of their kids and killing them right afterwards isn't exactly wholesome, holiday, family entertainment. My Christmas film tradition for the past four or five years now has been to watch Jingle All the Way on Christmas Eve at midnight, and then watch A Christmas Story and Christmas Vacation about fifty times each on Christmas Day while gaining twenty pounds and opening presents that I don't expect anyone to buy for me because I'm thirty and I don't ask for anything. There's no reason to. There's plenty of reasons to check out Silent Night on blu-ray however.

Ho-Ho-Ho.

The Mistletoe.

Santa is shaving with some pretty gross looking water in the sink. Hell, this whole bathroom is gross. I like where this is headed already.

Good old St. Nick has some spazoid tied to a chair in a basement with some pretty colorful Christmas lights. Then he overloads the bulbs and electrocutes his ass.

Holy shit, it's Malcolm McDowell! This movie is going to kick ass!

Is that Rob Reiner wearing a Cosby sweater?

Mom: "I thought we would go to church tonight." Daughter: "Fuck church." Epicly put my dear. This little wench gets brutally tazed by Santa right after she slaps her moms pills out of her hands. I'm clapping right now.

   Grandpa breaks out of his one year catatonia to tell his grandson, "You better watch out on Christmas Eve. It's the scariest damn day of the year." That was random.

Man the Santa in this movie is brutal.

This film has an actual Woodchipper Massacre in it. I plan on writing a post on that movie as well.

Santa with a flamethrower is pretty kick ass.

Malcolm McDowell's dialogue, a guys head getting split open with an axe, five pretty sexy Christmas carolers, cocaine abuse and an homage death scene to Silent Night, Deadly Night where Santa takes some blonde bimbo and stabs her whole body onto a set of deer antlers on the wall of a hotel. Tis' the season. I feel like egg nog and figgy pudding. Aside from the pretty gory kills in this film, the lighting and color of this film is astounding. It really is a gorgeous looking movie, especially the transfer that Anchor Bay did for the blu-ray release. The 1080p resolution is superb and I really don't think it's going to look any better than it does on this blu-ray. Whenever there is a scene with Christmas lights, the colors really pop and it just looks so damn good. I purchased the blu at Best Buy for 7.99. Trust me. It's worth it. Even though it's not Christmas time.