Don't go in the Woods... Alone! (Blu-ray)

If you have been keeping up with the Cinema Slayer since I started this business at the beginning of the year, you may have seen me mention a good friend of mine a couple of times by the name of Steven. He still resides in Champaign and still collects trashy horror movies, and I hold him sort of responsible for getting me into this hobby. Don't go in the Woods... Alone! is one of the first movies I borrowed from him randomly and I remember being enthralled and appalled at how terrible and hilarious it was at the same time. And I think it might have also been my entry way into paying more attention to fat sheriffs because fat sheriffs are fat. And funny. And most of the time they are bumbling idiots that wear stupid hats. That just adds so much more to that specific context that turns it into something more memorable and special than it really should be. I love the wilderness. 

 

A bunch of jump cuts of camping equipment strewn about, and a girl running through the woods as NO ONE attacks her. Kind of like Curse on Blanchard Hill.

 

The blood looks like red nail polish. Criminally Insane red nail polish.

 

The dialogue, music and voice dubbing is almost at the same level of ineptness as Things. So inept, it's radically enjoyable.

 

This guy with the pink beret and shirt reminds me of Dave Coulier. So glad he gets strangled to death.

 

I love how the sheriffs' head is so fat that his cowboy hat kind of just sits on top of it. It's almost hovering. He also plays putt-putt in his office.

 

  "Come out, you jerk, you! Come out of there you pencil necked gay!"

 

Pretty much every death scene in this movie is just overwhelmingly silly. There's nothing uneasy about them at all.

 

You know this movie is awesome when one of the main characters is wearing a pink Boogie Vision shirt. I haven't even seen that movie. I just know about it because Bleeding Skull reviewed it.

I will definitely be watching this again because just like Things, it has that feeling you get from watching something so poorly executed that you just can't help but going back and viewing it about fifty times. The blu-ray transfer is in 2k and Vinegar Syndrome did a phenomenal job of putting this 2-disc collector's edition together (have they ever printed a bad one yet?) so that weirdo's like you and I can have a copy of this inept grandeur sitting on the shelf next to The Last Slumber Party and Garbage Pail Kids. They all are clumsy, horribly executed movies, but you love them anyway.