Cooties

I always forget the fact that Elijah Wood is really into horror. Who knew that Frodo wanted to be in a modern zombie flick similar in structure to Dawn of the Dead, where a small group of adults get pinned inside an elementary school filled with brain crazed children. His character is some loser that still resides at his mothers home, and has the grandiose dream of becoming the next New York Time's Best Selling author. In the mean time, he lands a job as a teacher at the grade school by his mother's house, and then a girl eats the most disgusting chicken nugget I've ever seen in the history of processed meat products. Brings me back to my McDonald's days. Once that happens, all hell breaks loose and we have a zombie flick involving tons of kids that need to be shot, burned and maimed, and a bunch of pussy-whipped teachers that really don't know how to defend themselves. Except, of course, the gym teacher. Even the woman teacher that keeps talking about protecting the second amendment really is pushed in a corner at first until everyone starts gaining momentum and confidence to fight back. Oh yeah, there's a kid in this film named Patriot. Yup, that's his real first name. He's an asshole.

That's an easy way to get dinner.

Now I know why processed meat is damn disgusting.

Maybe you shouldn't be a writer.

Fatty's kind of lost, not being on the show Lost. Eww. That was kind of bad. I thought it was funny.

 Damn right. Illinois needs to get their hands out of each others pants and pass some solid concealed carry law.

Analog tv's. Love it!

Hating on Illinois. I'm right behind you, lady.

I want to strangle this Patriot kid.

Well, that escalated quickly.

All of this because of some bad chicken nuggets.

Please. Destroy all of the cell phones.

Severed head tether ball. I'd play it.

Finally, someone killed one of the kids.

 It's fringing on the edge of wrong when kids start getting killed, but when they are brain hungry zombies, I don't think that line exists anymore. I mean, everyone has wanted to stab or shoot a kid at some point, haven't they? Because they are annoying, expensive, selfish, bratty pieces of flesh, but maybe in this film as zombies they are personified as real. Maybe when they act out, this is how they really are. And as parents or surrogates, we need to smack them in the face with a 2x4 once in a while to calm them down and keep them in line. Go ahead, call the cops... if any of you reading this have kids, my words are justified. I'm not afraid. Oh, Cooties isn't that bad of a flick. I rather enjoyed it, but it's not something I'm going to run out and buy a copy of though. School sucks anyway.