Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Rock N' Roll Nightmare (a.k.a The Edge of Hell)


Watching a heavy metal horror film that stars Jon-Mikl Thor as himself, sporting leather granny panties with steel studs is one thing. But once really half-assed puppets are introduced that have absolutely nothing to do with the plot or happenings therein, it turns from a weird, homoerotic rock-a-thon into a version of Sesame Street that begs the question if Jim Henson was really on acid or LSD. And, as far as I know, no, Jim Henson never did such things, but you never know. People do things they never tell anyone about. Out of all of the heavy metal cult movies I've watched over the last five or six years, this one sits on top as being one of the most in your face, what the fuck just happened type of experiences because there really is no way to explain a movie like Rock N' Roll Nightmare. I'm not even entirely sure that I even liked or enjoyed any of it because once the ending came and Thor started fighting the main monster-villain-thing, I wanted to vomit. The whole experience made me want to hurl into a bowl of veggie noodle soup and force feed it to Thor himself for actually going through with this and wrapping this puppy up. On the other hand, there were scenes that made me smile, laugh and wonder if life was real or not. So, which ever side you sit on on this particular piece of art, Rock N' Roll Nightmare will make you question your existence. 

Bacon pancakes, makin' bacon pancakes.

Ahh! The crypt keeper lives in my oven!

I didn't know there was an alternate title for this-The Edge of Hell. Cool title card.

 Metal!!!!   

It's difficult for me to respect a guy that's blasting some of the most despicable 80's synth music ever written while driving an oversized white van with handcuffs hanging from the rear view. Can't do it. 

Why is the band manager wearing an "official member of the Archie fan club" jacket?

"No sweat, sweet knees."

My my, what nice breasts you have.

Casey Jones takes a bite.

 Aussie's always have sex with sunglasses on.

"I'm sure Phil's not dead or anything, or else he would have called."

At the very least, Rock N' Roll Nightmare is a solid, but bizarre way to kill 90 minutes if your just in the mood for something that makes no sense what-so-ever. The puppets are terrible, the special effects are abysmal, and you get to witness Thor taking a shower with his girlfriend for about 15-20 minutes straight. Just making out and fondling each other in the shower. Blech. But for every wrong reason there is to watch this, there's a right reason that goes along with it because it takes you to an alternate reality that these types of films rarely take their viewers to. A chunk of otherworldly strangeness where dead, burnt men pop out of the oven, slimy, cycloptic puppets drink coffee and Thor (barely) fights a demon/Satan looking thing in his recording studio donning leather granny panties with steel studs. There isn't anything else to say, zits and zombies. Put on some Slayer and crank that shit up!   

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